


Not Only Halves

by erenjaegerwa



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Non-Binary Hange Zoë, Past Relationship(s), Polyamory, Slow Build, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-22
Updated: 2014-11-11
Packaged: 2018-02-09 22:32:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 44,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2000421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erenjaegerwa/pseuds/erenjaegerwa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes it's the pieces you're not looking for that fit together the best. Eren Jaeger didn't think his life was missing much of anything, but when he bumped into two overdressed men in a Starbucks, he started to realize he might have been wrong. Erwin and Levi weren't expecting to stick around for long, but plans change.</p><p>Turns out broken pieces fit together pretty well, and sometimes a whole doesn't have to be made of conventional halves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I'm super nervous about posting this, but I've wanted to add to this little portion of the fandom for a while and here's my attempt. It's going to be a long road with some bumps along the way, but hopefully you can all hang in and enjoy the ride. Please keep in mind that the relationships in this fic are going to be based on polyamorous love, meaning that there will be no love triangle whatsoever. Though it'll develop in different ways and at different times, as relationships do, Erwin, Levi, and Eren will all be in a relationship together, with each other, as a whole rather than as individual pairings. So if you strongly prefer one of the ships over the others, this might not be the fic for you!
> 
> This starts out with established Eruri, but will obviously develop into a polyship! There will be moments of Eruren and Ereri as single ships throughout the fic, because obviously that's necessary to develop them as a whole. Keep that in mind!

It had been a shitty day and it was getting shittier.

There was no other way to put it. He’d spilled coffee all over his newest project, the one he’d spent actual weeks on. He’d run into Jean Kirschtein, horse face extraordinaire, on his way to class (which, thinking back on it, was probably the reason he spilled coffee all over a brand new, drying painting like a complete fucking idiot because the guy always knew exactly how to piss him off even after they’d been friends for years). He’d gotten into a fight with Mikasa, which could have been avoided if she’d just stop pretending to be his mom and get off his case, and what did it matter if he’d gone out to a party that one time a few days ago without telling her? How did she even find out about this stuff? He was starting to suspect she had people watching him or something, or at least Armin feeding information back to her, and that was a whole lot more creepy than protective, no matter what she thought. 

And now he was standing in line at the town’s shitty excuse for a Starbucks, fifty cents short, backpack slung over one shoulder and money on the counter, glaring at the asshole behind it. It wasn’t Eren Jaeger’s day.

“It’s fifty cents,” he mumbled, the furrow between his eyebrows getting deeper in his frustration, one hand clenched into a fist at his side. “Cut me a break. I’ll come back with change tomorrow, if that’s what you want. I’ve come here, like, a thousand times this semester.” He ordered the same thing and always reminded him, but the guy still spelled his name wrong, Erin with an ‘I’. He managed to bite back that part, his teeth catching his tongue before his mouth could spill it out. It wasn’t like they had a whole lot of customers that weren’t sleep-deprived college students, so the least they could do was cut him some slack.

“Company rules,” the guy behind the counter drawled, and Eren had the urge to punch the guy in the face. 

He actually might have, if not for the firm hand that suddenly found its way to his shoulder. He tensed before he even turned around to see who it was, his mouth flying open to make some kind of remark. Eren twisted around before he’d even fully registered the action, blood pumping on reflex, that fist he’d clenched coming up closer to his side. He stopped short, though, mouth snapping shut fast enough to bang his teeth together with an audible snap, when he found himself wondering why he was suddenly staring up at Captain America. The guy looked like he’d just stepped straight out of a movie or something, or at least Wall Street. Who came into Starbucks dressed in a full suit and tie, anyway, especially one that looked like it cost more than Eren’s rent (which was really unfairly high this month)? His hair was blond and combed back perfectly, his eyes were the bluest Eren could ever remember seeing, and he’d seen Armin’s, and his jaw looked like it was sharp and defined enough to cut some precious gems on. He had laugh lines and dark circles under his eyes, when Eren looked close enough. There weren’t any wrinkles or anything, though. He’d guess early thirties, but that didn’t make him any less handsome. 

The guy was old enough to be his dad, probably. Eren tried to make himself think that actually mattered when it came to how attractive the guy was. 

The hand pulled away from him, and Eren stared dumbly as he was nudged away from the counter by a broad, suit-covered shoulder. “I’ll take care of his drink. I’ll also have a large coffee, black, and a medium chai tea latte, if that’s alright.” It was funny how he made it sound polite and accommodating, but still like more of an order. Something told Eren he’d be getting what he wanted even if it wasn’t alright. Especially if it wasn’t. He didn’t know why that made him feel like shivering. 

Judging by the lack of pretentious size names (venti, grande, his brain filled in, like it was on some kind of autopilot), the guy didn’t come to Starbucks that often. He didn’t even look up at the menu, though, and Eren found himself still staring, still wondering what he was doing in a busy Starbucks in the shithole of a college town. On closer inspection, he realized the black, sleek suit he was wearing was definitely Armani. The tie he was wearing was tucked neatly inside of it, but he was betting it was some expensive brand, too. He had a gold watch on his wrist. Eren couldn’t care less about what the guy behind the counter was doing, because he was too busy trying to get his brain to work, and by the time the man was moving to the other side of the counter to wait for his drinks, Eren was following after him like some lost little puppy after grabbing his money from the counter and ignoring the sour look he got from the dick behind it. 

“Uh…Thanks?” It came out more of a question than anything, and he grabbed for his drink when it came, scowling at the ‘Erin’ on the side of it before he offered a hesitant smile, shifting from one leg to the other and grabbing a straw. “For buying my drink, I guess. You didn’t have to.” Not that he probably couldn’t buy the entire place if he wanted, but Eren wasn’t going to be the one to say it.

Commander Handsome smiled at him, and Eren had to wonder how many times he’d practiced that in the mirror. His teeth were showing, but they were perfectly white. He wondered if they were real. No one got that lucky in the gene pool. Maybe he had twelve toes. “It’s no trouble…” The man glanced at his cup, obviously looking for his name.

Eren grinned, rubbing at his nose with the back of his hand and trying not to notice how deep Erwin’s voice was, or how it seemed to rumble in his chest, the suit doing nothing to hide the defined muscles there. He probably worked out. “Eren. With an ‘E’, not an ‘I’.”

“Eren with an ‘E’. I’m Erwin.” Eren had a feeling that, from the smirk on the other man’s lips, he’d guessed right that Eren hadn’t been listening at all when he’d told the employee his name. 

“Hi, Erwin,” he managed, and that got a chuckle from the older man, low and deep. It made his stomach twist a little. Shit. 

He grabbed both of his drinks when they were called, and Eren didn’t have to wonder for very long who the second drink was for when he nodded to a table close to them and the short man that had made the booth his own. His hair was dark and undercut, the back part of it buzzed, but his skin was a stark ivory. He was wearing a suit, too, but the jacket was open, the buttons on the top were undone, the cravat he was wearing was hanging loosely around his neck. He was the complete opposite of the tanned, tall blond man that was currently standing next to him, and instead of the friendly smile, he was glaring at his laptop, slim fingers pounding into the keys as his lip curled in what was obviously disgust. Eren could see that his lips were moving from here. He was probably muttering something, and part of him didn’t want to know what it was. 

It was like some weird joke that he didn’t know the punchline to. Tall, blond, and handsome and his short, dark, strangely attractive… friend? And somehow they’d both ended up in fancy suits in a rundown Starbucks, one of them tapping away at an expensive, shiny laptop and the other buying him a drink. Sort of. 

“Eren,” Erwin said, calling back his attention, and he tried not to notice how his stomach jumped a little when he heard his name in that voice, “I’m sitting over there with my partner, Levi. Would you want to join us? There don’t seem to be many available tables.”

Eren rubbed at the back of his neck, mouth opening as his eyes made a quick scan of the place. Erwin was right. The place was packed, and the only one he recognized that he might be able to scoot in with was Krista and her girlfriend, Ymir, and that was an even worse idea than third wheeling with complete strangers. Ymir was a bitch when someone crashed her time with Krista (and probably most other times, too), and he’d learned that firsthand the time she’d shoved him so hard she’d bruised his ribs when Krista had asked him if he’d wanted to come along and grab a bite to eat with them. Obviously the right answer had been no. Ymir wasn’t bad when she wasn’t bruising him, but they were leaned in together, and if it was a date he didn’t want to be anywhere near it. 

Erwin was waiting, though, and Eren didn’t know what made him do it, but he shrugged and nodded. “Yeah, sure, why not?” 

Erwin slipped in next to the guy he’d called Levi, so Eren sat across from them. By the time they got to the table, Levi was wiping it down and scowling. “Why does every employee in these places do a shit job of wiping down tables? It’s not that fucking hard, put your goddamn elbow into it.” He was mumbling as he went about the task, and he didn’t look up. Eren wondered if he had a problem with setting something he was going to drink down on a surface that wasn’t spotless, but he couldn’t see anything wrong with it. It looked pretty clean to him. 

Up close, though, Levi looked even more intimidating. His eyebrows were thin and angled, the circles under his eyes were even darker than the ones under Erwin’s, and his thin lips were pulled up into a snarl as he grumbled about shitty service workers in shitty coffee houses. Eren looked down at his drink, taking a sip. 

Erwin took it all in stride as if he’d handled something like this a thousand times, a warm chuckle slipping from his lips as he wrapped an arm around Levi’s shoulders. Eren glanced up for a second, taken by how he seemed to dwarf the smaller man in a really interesting way, and then looked back down at his drink before looking back up, realizing how creepy it was to stare like that. Levi had sharp grey eyes, and there was just a tiny hint of blue there. He didn’t know why he’d noticed. “I’m sure they did their best, Levi,” he said good-naturedly, but the wicked amusement in his tone made it clear just how used to this he was. Levi glared at him, and Eren felt his blood run cold for a second. If looks could kill. Erwin didn’t look fazed at all. In fact, he smirked as if it was exactly the response he wanted. “Aren’t you being rude? I brought someone to the table.”

Levi snorted. “Look, if I greet every stray you bring around, we won’t have any fucking room for them all. I’m done encouraging you.” Eren’s eyes widened and his heart pounded in his chest, but when Levi’s lips curled up into a smirk, he realized it was probably supposed to be a joke. “Hi, kid. I’m Levi.” He glanced down, then up again, and Eren found himself squirming in his seat. Levi leaned back against his, his body relaxed against Erwin’s. “Your hands are disgusting. Clean them.” 

Eren glanced down at his hands, confused, until he realized they were still covered in paint from before. He groaned. “Oh, yeah. I was painting, sorry.” He shifted in the booth sheepishly, letting his backpack fall off from his shoulder finally. “I didn’t really clean them up that great before I headed over here.” 

“No shit. Clean them.” 

Eren blinked, waiting to see if it was another joke. What did it matter if his hands had a little paint on them? But Erwin was smiling that smile again, and Eren could see from the way his arm was moving that he was rubbing circles onto Levi’s back. “You might want to do as he says, Eren,” Erwin suggested, his lips still pulled up in what was more of a smirk than a smile now. “Levi’s a bit sensitive to mess. We’ll be here when you get back.”

“Not like your drink’s getting cold,” Levi offered, shrugging, closing his laptop with a swift, unnecessarily graceful movement and grabbing up his drink. “Who orders a mocha frapp in the dead of fucking winter?” 

“It’s late fall!” Eren protested, something rising up in him, but he was standing up from the table anyway. “And it’s heated in here, so who cares how cold my drink is? What are you, the drink police?” 

Erwin chortled at that. Eren tried to glare, but calling Captain America out on his shit was a little harder with that charming smile of his, especially when it didn’t look condescending at all. Eren wondered if he got that a lot. 

“No pumpkin spice for you, kid?” Levi asked, taking a sip of his tea. Eren’s eyes focused in on the way he was holding the cup, inverted, his hand bent in the wrong direction. It looked like it would hurt your hand to hold it that way. Who even did that? On closer inspection, one of Levi’s ears was pierced. Twice. And he still had a cravat around his neck, one that he was probably wearing without some weird ironic purpose. 

He had to pull himself out of it when Levi grunted to get his attention, snapping his fingers at him like he was mentally deficient. Eren was pretty sure he was getting whiplash. His mouth hung open for a moment or two, and then he shook his head. “No, it’s gross. Pumpkin shouldn’t be in anything but pie, and even then it sucks.” He paused. “And I’m not a kid,” he added, as an afterthought, that heat still curling up in his stomach. “I’m nineteen. That’s legal.” 

“I like this one. He’s talking legal to me,” Levi said as Eren got up to head off to the bathroom to wash his hands, and Eren didn’t know why his face was suddenly hot, but it was, and he wasn’t sure if he was angry or confused or somewhere in between, but he had a feeling that was the point, because Erwin was laughing behind him, in a way that seemed to reach deep into his bones, and it was pissing him off. 

“This tea’s shit,” he heard Levi say as he walked off, blunt and simple. 

“So is the coffee,” Erwin agreed, but he didn’t sound at all bothered by it, and Eren resisted the urge to turn around and see that steeled expression of his. It was still like something right out of the Sunday comics he used to rip out of the paper when his dad wasn’t looking. “I told you, Levi, I couldn’t find a coffeehouse around here. It was Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts, and I know how you feel about the latter. Or would you rather we stop at the local McDonalds and get a McCafé? I hear they’ve starting offering organic sugar packets.”

He didn’t need to stand around to hear the reaction to that one. 

He started questioning himself when he was halfway through scrubbing his hands raw in the bathroom and getting some weird looks from some kid he might have seen in his history lecture once. Why was he sitting with a couple pretentious old guys in suits again? Probably because one of them bought him a drink, and maybe because two out of two of them were attractive, but that was a weird thing to think, because even if they were younger than they looked, and Levi looked like he could be pretty young if it wasn’t for the suit, they still probably had a good couple years on him. They were obviously together, if the way they were touching and talking to each other meant anything. He should grab his stuff and go. Find Mikasa. Patch things up. 

By the time his hands were mostly clean and not bleeding blue and green, he’d decided against it. He had to stop halfway back to the table, frozen in place at the scene in front of him. Levi’s laptop was open again, and he was typing away, his fingers moving in a blur. That wasn’t the part that caught his attention, though. Erwin was looking down at him, his lips pulled up into a smile, his back completely relaxed against the booth, and his hands in Levi’s hair, gently stroking some of the strands there. Every few seconds, his other hand would start to stroke up Levi’s arm, starting at the pulse, fingers circling his wrist, and working up. And every few seconds after, Levi would slap it away with a scowl. 

Eren didn’t know what it was that twisted up in his gut, and he didn’t think it would make sense even if he knew what it was. If it was jealousy, it wasn’t the kind he was used to. It wasn’t the fierce, angry kind he’d felt before, or even a specific kind, because which one was he even jealous of? Did he want to be Levi, getting the attention, those sky-blue eyes completely focused on him? Or did he want to be Erwin, touching that pale skin, feeling the way Levi shivered under his touch? Mostly he just felt out of place, and he hovered somewhere in between, teeth clenched together when he realized his bag and his drink was still sitting at the table and he couldn’t just up and ditch. He had important stuff in that thing.

His intention had been to grab it and go, but Levi caught him with a sharp stare. “Good job, brat. Your hands look half decent now. Sit.” The words were pointed and drawn out. He hadn’t missed Eren’s jerky movements, or the way he’d slid into the seat too fast, obviously grabbing for his bag. 

Eren sat. 

When he looked over at Erwin, he was smirking, slowly pulling away from Levi to take another sip from his coffee. “So you paint, Eren?” 

Scratching at his nose, Eren shrugged, wondering how he’d gotten himself into this again. “Yeah. I know it’s probably dumb, but…”

“Who said that?” 

The words were practically spat out, and Eren blinked, looking over at Levi again, but there wasn’t anything to see in his expression. He was staring straight at him, one eyebrow raised, but completely blank-faced otherwise. “Huh?”

“No one said it was dumb. Don’t put words in our mouth, kid. You don’t know shit about what’s going in our heads, that’s the first rule.” 

“He’s right,” Erwin added over his coffee cup, smiling against the rim. His eyes were glinting with something but Eren didn’t know what it was. “I’m not entirely sure I know what’s going through Levi’s head half the time.”

“Commander Eyebrows here has a brain like a goddamn crossword puzzle. Try to follow it and see how far you get. Half the words don’t make sense and he’s got clues written in another fucking language.” Levi was back to typing something, apparently completely disinterested with the conversation again. 

Eren tried not to be too thrown off this time, staring at both of them and trying to let it sink in. “Alright, fine, it’s not dumb. It’s what I’ve wanted to do since I was a kid. And I don’t just paint, I draw and work with other mediums and stuff, too. I just like art. I always had these really weird ideas, and my mom said I was creative, but I couldn’t really do anything about it until I started painting and things like that.” He shrugged, grabbing for his abandoned drink and taking a sip, and trying not to act like talking about this didn’t light something up inside of him, like it didn’t make his pulse race and his eyes widen and let his head get way ahead of him. “So when I had to pick something to do for college, I picked this.” He didn’t know why he’d said that much, or why it mattered that Erwin seemed to be listening to every word he said, one thick eyebrow raised.

“Do you have any examples of your work?” he asked, and for a second Eren thought he was being humored. It wouldn’t be the first time someone had asked to be polite and then lost all interest once he actually brought out a painting or two. Erwin’s gaze never wavered, though, and he stared straight at him, lips pulled up into that charming, calm smile. 

Eren’s stomach twisted all over again, and he was nodding and digging into his bag before he even realized it, trying not to let his heart jump out of his chest when he realized Levi was looking up, too. By the time he’d dug out his sketchbook and slid it across the table, both men were leaned over to look at it. Eren tried not to notice that his pulse was racing. 

What did he care if these guys he didn’t even know liked his work? Why did it feel like he was trying to impress them? It wasn’t like he could, across the table in his ripped jeans and hoodie. He wasn’t ever going to be able to afford Armani, and the fact that he was a nineteen-year-old college kid working two and a half jobs and living in a single room apartment with his sister and best friend, who were equally broke, probably said wonders about how long this interest was going to last. Erwin had just bought him coffee to be nice.

They were still flipping through his art, though, carefully thumbing the pages, and Eren noticed the way Levi was careful to only touch the edges, slapping Erwin’s hand away when it got too close to the charcoal rubbed into the paper.

“Oi, brat.” It was Levi who snapped up his attention first. Eren looked at what he was pointing at, his breath caught in his throat when he realized what it was. It was something he’d drawn during some class, a quick sketch he’d never gone back to, but he knew what had caught the man’s eye. Overlapping wings of different colors, the ones that had always left that strange ache in his chest. “These wings. Did you come up with this on your own?” 

Eren nodded, sucking that breath through his teeth. “Yeah. I really like them. I don’t know what made me draw them, but they’re in a bunch of my paintings.” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “Why?”

Levi shrugged, flipping the page. “Not bad.” 

“Levi has a bit of a fascination with wings,” Erwin supplied idly, leaning over the book himself, his hand grazing over Levi’s when they flipped the page together, tracing over his drawings. Eren tried not to notice. “These are excellent, Eren. You’ve got talent.”

Eren couldn’t find his words for at least a good minute, his cheeks dusted pink, his heart pounding in his chest. People said that all the time, but they didn’t always mean it. There was something different about how Erwin said it, something different about the way Levi was looking his work over. It wasn’t humoring, it wasn’t condescending, and it wasn’t anything it didn’t need to be. It was blunt and to the point, it was analytical, it was a statement of fact. It was like they’d stripped everything bare and laid it out for him, told him his exact worth and skill like he’d never thought to ask anyone for. 

They weren’t saying anything for him. It didn’t take a whole lot to realize that the two men in front of them didn’t do things like that, bought coffees or not. 

Eren didn’t know why it was happening, but it was. He forced himself to speak, trying to act like the way they were paying attention to something he’d thought they would consider dumb didn’t send a wave of pride straight up his spine, or that weird tumbling feeling in his stomach. “Why are you even here?” It came out garbled and sharper than he meant it to, and when two heads snapped up to look at him, Eren backtracked. “I mean, you obviously don’t like the coffee here. You’re dressed way too nice for this part of town. There’s nothing here except college kids and antique shops, so…”

Levi smirked, glancing over at Erwin. “He’s not a complete idiot,” he said, simply, and then looked back down at Eren’s work, flipping a page and apparently letting Erwin handle things.

Erwin, for his part, chuckled. “You’re right, Eren. We’re new to this town.” He leaned back in the booth again, folding his hands into his lap. “Levi’s going to be lecturing at the university, and we thought we’d spend some time scouting the place out.”

“Lecturing?” Eren echoed, dumbfounded. “Here? Like, at Trost Community?”

“Is there another university around this shithole?” Levi gave him a look, leaning his head on one hand. He looked back at Erwin. “Nevermind, I was wrong. His brain’s just as fucked as the rest of the kids around here.”

Eren shook his head, sighing his frustration this time, and that seemed to get Levi’s attention. He tried to pretend his stomach didn’t drop at the statement. “No, I mean… You? You realize it’s a community college, right?” 

“Do you shit out of the right end, kid?” Levi scoffed. “Yes, and yes, otherwise it wouldn’t be in the fucking name and the place would have a half decent campus. Why is this so hard to believe?” 

Erwin seemed to be covering whatever reaction he had with a hand, his attention on his forgotten coffee cup as he took another sip. Eren stopped looking at him for help, shrugging. “You just don’t seem like the type, that’s all.” 

Levi rolled his eyes up to the ceiling, then looked over at Erwin. “I told you this was a bad idea.” 

Eren felt like he was missing something.

“And I told you that if you couldn’t handle a simple interaction like this, you wouldn’t be able to handle interacting with students on a regular basis.”

Oh. 

Oh. The pieces came together fast after that, and Eren didn’t have to push them together too hard. He wished he’d brought Armin along, because he would have picked up on this a lot sooner, probably as soon as Erwin offered to buy his coffee for him. It didn’t make sense to do something like that unless there was an ulterior motive, and definitely not if you were a well-dressed, rich guy in a suit with a rich partner and whatever else the two in front of them had. Eren felt his teeth clenching together, his heart thundering for a different reason this time as his insides twisted themselves all up, that familiar burn starting low in his belly and rising up. 

He grabbed for his sketchpad a little too fast, slamming it into his bag. 

“Slow your roll, brat. What’s got your panties in a bunch?” Eren ignored Levi in favor of shaking his bag so everything would actually fit, grunting at the crunch of something at the bottom. “This wasn’t my idea.”

Eren looked up, and Erwin had his arms raised in what was clearly meant to be surrender, an amused tilt to his lips. “I didn’t mean to cause any trouble, Eren. Levi has some… issues, being friendly, and I was proving a point. It doesn’t make my actions less genuine. I would have paid for your coffee regardless.”

It was probably a lie, but it was a damn good one, because not a single muscle on Erwin’s face twitched. He didn’t even look bothered. Eren grunted, throwing his bag over his shoulder. “So, what? I was your weird test subject?” He didn’t know why he was getting worked up over this in the first place, but the thought that Erwin hadn’t actually cared enough to sit him down and ask about his art, that Levi hadn’t actually wanted to lean over and notice some of it, made him feel like snapping something. “If you’re looking for a grade or something, you suck at talking to people. You told me to wash my hands." 

“They were filthy,” Levi said, as if that explained anything.

“Levi and I were hoping for a change of pace. He’s grown tired of office life.” Whatever sound Levi made from beside Erwin, it didn’t sound like he’d ever been not tired with it. “We thought you could help us.” 

“You thought you could test it out,” he corrected, and he didn’t miss the bitter taste it left in his mouth that time. “What were you going to do if I wasn’t interested?”

“Find someone who was,” Levi answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, shrugging. “Plenty of brats in the sea. For what it’s worth, though, you weren’t a bad choice.”

Eren didn’t know what that meant. He didn’t really want to know what that meant, either, and when he looked between the two of them, Erwin chortling quietly as he wrapped his arm back around Levi’s shoulders, he decided he’d probably had enough of whatever this was. “Great, well. You got your answer, I guess. Stick to your day job, whatever that is.” 

He grabbed for his drink, but then there was a hand wrapped tight around his wrist, and he had no idea how it got there. He looked up at Levi, and then at Erwin, who simply stared back. 

“Give me your phone,” Levi said.

Eren blinked.

Erwin took another sip of coffee.

“What?” His head was spinning again, the anger still boiling under his skin fading for a moment. “Why?”

“So we can put our numbers in your phones, and you can be our guinea pig for a while longer.”

Eren swallowed. Every instinct he had told him he should probably go straight for the door, but there was something about those sharp grey eyes that were holding him into place, and knowing that a pair of blue ones was watching too didn’t help. Levi stared at it from behind his laptop, a smug smirk on his lips, and when Eren turned his head, he realized Erwin was smiling into his cup of coffee.

He handed his phone over.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren sees Erwin and Levi sooner than expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, first of all, wow. There's been an incredible response to this fic and I really, really appreciate it! Thank you all so much for being supportive and commenting! I look forward to seeing the rest of your responses, and I hope you stick with me as this train gets going. 
> 
> Second, here's the next chapter! I'm going to try and keep the updating pretty consistent after this, and I'll probably eventually come up with some kind of schedule, but until then, expect a lot of this. We're only at the very beginning right now, and it's going to be a long ride. Also, sorry in advance for the end of the chapter.

“Eren, you need to be more responsible.”

Eren grunted, letting his head drape over the back of their beat up couch and listening to it groan in protest, obviously on its last limb. There was an interesting stain on the ceiling. It looked like a stain. He should draw it. 

“Are you even listening to me, Eren?”

Eren sighed, glaring at the stain. “’Kasa, do you ever get sick of playing mom?” She’d been doing it since they were kids, and apparently being a college student didn’t change a whole lot. If anything, moving out and living together in this shitty apartment had made it worse. Now she had parties and drugs and late night shootings to worry about, like anything ever actually happened around Trost.

Except now he’d probably have to rethink that. Eren tried not to think about it. 

“No,” Armin answered from the other side of the room, cross-legged and surrounded by books, one of which he had his face buried into while he took notes and highlighted like the overachieving smartass he was. “It’s her favorite thing to do.”

“Thanks, Armin, that’s really helpful,” Eren mumbled, looking up to throw the frustrated stare in the blond’s direction. 

Armin didn’t even look up. “No problem, Eren.” He’d learned not to get involved in their sibling disputes, probably after years of getting in the middle. He’d step in eventually and give his two cents, but that was only for the major things. When he and Mikasa were having this conversation two or three times a week, it didn’t exactly require a middle man. He would stay out of it until they were done, and then he would be the one to suggest the movie night. 

It was probably a tiring pattern, but it worked. 

Mikasa was making that face that made him wonder if she’d sucked too many lemons, and when it smoothed out, he knew he was in trouble. She only sat next to him on the couch, though, and then she was pressing into his side, resting her head on his shoulder. Eren blinked, confused, but his arms wrapped around her anyway, mostly on pure instinct. Black hair tickled his shoulder and her sigh was close to his ear, her hot breath fanning over his skin. “You worked hard on that painting,” was all she said.

Eren didn’t know what else to do, so he nodded. “Yeah. I did.” It wasn’t like he was going to lie and say it wasn’t a big deal. That painting had eaten up weeks of his time, robbed him of two entire nights of sleep and caused an insane amount of frustration, and now it was coffee-stained and ruined. What was he supposed to say, though? That he let his temper get a hold of him again and knocked over the coffee cup while he was cursing out Jean Kirschtein? That he was dumb and didn’t know how the hell to do things in an adult way because who did he have to base that sort of behavior on, anyway? That he got too worked up about things, which she’d been telling him since he was nine anyway? That he was sorry for ruining his own hard work, and, _you’re right, Mikasa, I’m an idiot_? 

It’s not like it would change anything. They knew him too well for that. 

It was probably only a few minutes before Armin set aside his books to join them on the couch, squirming into Eren’s other side and folding his legs into his chest. Mikasa leaned further into his side. He let his head fall against Armin’s, burying it in soft blond hair. Armin’s hair always smelled like fruit, and it was familiar and nice. “We should order food,” he suggested, as if he knew Eren hadn’t eaten since breakfast. He probably did. “Chinese or pizza?” 

“Pizza,” Eren answered, at the same time that Mikasa answered, “Chinese.” They looked at each other, Eren offered a sheepish grin, and then they switched answers. Armin laughed.

“I’ll order both.” 

Mikasa stayed molded into his side. He let himself fall further back into the couch as Armin walked into their connected kitchen, grabbing his cell phone off the table where he’d left it. They listened to him order while Mikasa’s head found his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her and let her be. “Annie’s coming over tonight,” she said, and he knew it wasn’t for any other reason than to say something and test the waters. It wasn’t like he could stop her. He nodded. “She’s probably bringing Bert and Reiner.”

“She doesn’t go anywhere without Bert and Reiner,” Eren mumbled in reply, shrugging. “That’s like saying the sky’s bringing along some clouds or something.”

“That was a pretty clever metaphor,” Armin commented when he walked back in, and Mikasa straightened up so he could fit back into the mess of limbs they’d made on the tiny couch. This time his head was on the crook of her shoulder, while Eren’s head buried in black hair as they all shifted, no words necessary. Eren nudged Armin with a foot for the comment. He giggled. “I mean it! It was better than the one you came up with last time. What was it, Mikasa?” 

“He said eating at Sina was like ‘eating caviar out of the garbage can and then paying your house for it’.” Mikasa’s lips pulled up into a small smile. “He was right, though.” 

They stayed like that until Eren’s phone went off, one quick beep followed by vibrations. Mikasa glared in its direction. Armin sighed when his head was displaced, his neck bent at an awkward angle when she sat up. Eren grabbed his phone off the table, staring at it.

“Is it Jean?” Mikasa asked, and he should probably tell her that that completely mild tone didn’t work anymore. He knew her too well.

“No.”

Eren had to stare at the screen for a full minute to register who it really was. The name _Levi_ blinked at him from the lock screen.

_**Where’s the nearest decent restaurant around this place?** _

It hadn’t even been hours since he’d met those two well-dressed guys at the restaurant. Eren had almost been wondering if he’d imagined it or something. 

“Eren?”

He looked up. “Huh?”

“You’re staring at your phone. Is something wrong?” The concern in Armin’s tone was covered, but Eren could hear it anyway.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it. It’s just a friend.” He knew Mikasa would ask, so he picked a random name. “Marco.”

They both lost interest at that point, making noises of understanding and nodding. Eren almost felt bad. 

_**Titan’s is pretty good if u want bar food and sina’s is really expensive so its probably your type of place but honestly your best bet is bjs** _

He set his phone down in his lap, crossing his legs on the couch. Mikasa was talking again. Armin had started to clean up the mess of books on the floor, shuffling through his notes. “Annie and I might catch a late movie. Would any of you care?” 

Eren shook his head. “You’re the only one who keeps tabs on everyone, ‘Kasa. It’s not like we’re going to wait by the door for you guys. Besides, if Annie’s going so are Bert and Reiner and they’re massive.” He would know. That one fist fight he’d had with Reiner still left a dull ache in his jaw. 

“She only keeps tabs on you,” Armin pointed out, still shuffling through his papers and putting them in the correct notebooks. Eren didn’t understand how his studying system worked. He’d asked once, and that had been enough to last a lifetime. “I stayed out until three in the morning last night and no one questioned me.”

“You had a paper due,” Mikasa said. Armin’s face turned pink. Eren grinned, looking down at his phone as it beeped again. It pissed him off that his heart leaped a little as he hurried to swipe his thumb over the screen. 

_**Are you saying you know where we can get a good BJ, brat?** _

He had to stare at that one for a full minute before it made any sense, and once it did, his cheeks were bright pink, his eyes wide. He had half the mind to throw his phone away from him, but that would probably be an overreaction. When he thought back to how the man had acted in Starbucks, though, it made sense. He’d made a joke about him being a stray, hadn’t he? And something about him shitting from the wrong end? He just had a weird sense of humor. Apparently that even meant making sexual jokes when he had a partner, to some kid he’d just met a few hours ago, who was probably about half his age. 

Eren fought hard not to think about sex and Captain America and his darker-haired companion.

“Eren, you’re doing it again. And your face is all red.” It was Armin’s voice again. Eren’s fingers gripped his phone tighter, inwardly groaning. “You’re really talking to Marco?”

“Isn’t Marco dating Jean?” Mikasa’s voice was even, but Eren knew what the unspoken words were. He groaned out loud that time.

“Yeah, it’s Marco, and no, I’m not interested. He’s just talking to me about something to do with Jean. They’re not even dating yet, they’re just seeing each other.” 

“Jean is very vocal about things. I’m surprised it’s Marco you’re talking to.” That was Mikasa, and the last possible thing he wanted to hear from her. 

Eren didn’t think about it, because that would mean reliving the year and a half his sister and Jean had dated and that wasn’t something to think back on, especially considering the circumstances. He went back to texting instead.

_**do u not get enough of those** _

He couldn’t help but grin as he sent it, feeling somehow proud of himself. Armin was watching him carefully when he looked up. Mikasa was watching Armin, probably expecting him to figure it out before she did, not because he knew him better but because he was good at this stuff. He rolled his eyes. “You guys need new hobbies.”

“I was thinking of taking up knitting,” Armin said, and Eren didn’t miss the embarrassed smile as he ducked his head back down. He might have said something if his phone didn’t go off again.

_**Oh, I get plenty. Ask Erwin. Are you sure you’re in college, by the way? Learn to spell and punctuate, dumbshit.** _

Eren was pretty sure that wasn’t a term of endearment in anyone’s book, and that knowing something about Levi and Erwin’s private life shouldn’t make his stomach leap, but it made him grin anyway. He was going to type out another response, but his phone beeped again, faster than he expected it to.

_**What are you doing tonight? Erwin and I will pick you up at seven. Give us your address.** _

Eren forced himself to swallow around the lump in his throat, still staring at his phone. “Hey, guys?” Two pairs of eyes were on him, and he didn’t have to look up to know it. “Mind if I bail on tonight? More food for Annie and the gang, anyway.”

“Sure,” Armin said easily, which meant not easy at all. “Are you going to tell us why?”

“I’m just hanging out with Marco, that’s all.” Eren shrugged. It wasn’t the best excuse he’d ever come up with, but he’d already dug himself a hole by saying he was texting Marco in the first place. 

“Eren,” Mikasa warned. She was making that face again.

Eren tried not let the irritation get to him, even though it settled in his stomach and made his next words sharp. “Would you cut it out, Mikasa? Look, I get it, I’m not Armin, but I’m not a dumbass, either. I can handle myself. I’m not going to sleep around with Jean’s new boyfriend, or whatever he is.”

He was just going to hang out with two older guys who were dating each other were most likely playing with him to test out some weird fetish they had. Two really attractive guys, who were also probably really rich and were taking him out to dinner even though he didn’t know them at all. 

“He’s right, Mikasa,” Armin cut in before Mikasa could say anything else, up and standing now and giving Eren that reassuring smile of his. “Eren can handle himself.”

Eren almost felt guilty when he used that trust to text their address to some strangers. 

 

He didn’t have any nice clothes. 

He’d checked twice, gone through all his stuff, angrily thrown a shirt or two on the floor as if that was somehow helping his case. He had one pair of dress pants and one dress shirt, and BJ’s wasn’t worth that. Most of his jeans were torn up and faded, and a little too big on his hips. He ended up going with his favorite green sweater and some mostly washed out dark jeans, not even bothering to tame his hair in the mirror. The pieces in the front were getting long again. He’d have to get Mikasa to cut it. Wide green eyes stared at him in the mirror as he was brushing his teeth, extra thoroughly for no reason at all, and he looked back at them as he spit out into the sink.

“I don’t know why I’m doing this, either,” he muttered to his reflection, like it had asked him a direct question. “But why not, right?” 

Annie and the others weren’t there yet when he walked back out into the main room, but the food was. Armin was halfway through a slice of pizza and Mikasa was arranging boxes of Chinese food. She gave him a look on his way out, but all he did was grin and wave, hoping it didn’t attract too much attention as he skipped the elevator and headed straight for the steps, impatient. It dawned on him that he probably should have waited for Levi or Erwin to text him before he headed down, but Levi had said seven and it was almost seven. 

He wasn’t even halfway down from the third floor when his pocket vibrated. They were outside. He glared at his own chest, willing his heart to stop beating out of it. This was getting ridiculous, and he hadn’t even gotten into the car yet. 

Their car in question was as expensive as he thought it would be, black and sleek and probably foreign but he knew shit all about cars and didn’t care enough to ask. He didn’t even say anything as he slipped into the backseat, noting it was Levi driving, because there was a weird tension inside that he didn’t understand and didn’t think he could even if he tried. Erwin was frowning, staring at Levi for a good few seconds before he even spared Eren a glance. 

“Buckle up,” he warned the second he was in the car, something severe there. Eren didn’t question it as he did what he was told. “Tight,” he added, his lips pulled together. Levi scoffed. 

“The old man doesn’t think I can drive,” he muttered, and Eren caught the way his eyes rolled in the rearview mirror.

“I know you can drive, Levi,” Erwin corrected, his voice as smooth as even as it had been earlier in the Starbucks, but something underneath there that Eren didn’t want to think about. It probably had history, and he had nothing to do with it. He still didn’t know why that bothered him. “You just happen to drive like a complete maniac, and you also happen to be the reason our insurance is through the roof.” 

Eren found out what they were talking about a few seconds in, when Levi cut someone off, about two seconds from turning them into crushed metal, and flipped them the bird when they honked at him. And a couple seconds after that, when he yelled at some poor old lady trying to cross the street. He was guessing it was normal, too, because all Erwin did was sigh, rubbing one hand across his forehead as if Levi had just done something mildly exasperating and not completely and utterly fucking insane. 

Eren held tight to the door handle, feeling himself go pale. 

“Stay in your own fucking lane, shitlicker,” he growled when the car in front of him just barely veered over the double yellow. Then he crossed it himself when he decided to make a left turn without signaling. 

“Are you out for a fucking Sunday drive? Move your ass!” Eren was almost positive that car had been going at least ten over the town’s speed limit, but it wasn’t like there were any cops around to catch him on it. It was a Friday night and they were too busy busting college parties. He kind of wished they weren’t as he leaned back against the leather seats, watching Erwin set a calming hand on Levi’s shoulder, who scowled at him and wrenched on the steering wheel, sending them all flying despite the seatbelts. 

Eren wasn’t sure whether to feel sick or be relieved when they literally spun into the parking lot of BJ’s, the car’s tires screeching as Levi yanked them to a full stop that left tire marks and almost hit an unassuming family of four. He couldn’t get his back off the seat.

“Alright back there, Eren?” Erwin was courteous enough to ask, a kind smile on his lips. “I did warn you.” 

“Oh, yeah, sure,” he mumbled, still flat against the seat, his voice sounding breathless even to him. “I just have mild whiplash, no big deal.” 

Levi’s face was completely impassive as he snorted, opening the driver’s seat door and stepping out. “Don’t be melodramatic, kid.”

Erwin continued to smile as he unbuckled himself. “I’ll drive you home,” he promised. The dirty look that got in response from Levi was almost enough to make him laugh, but he was too busy thanking whatever god was out there to listen. Maybe he should start praying. 

“How do you even have your license still?” he found himself asking.

Levi smirked, and the chill it sent up his spine made him feel like punching himself in the face. “Connections.” 

Eren turned to Erwin, wondering if he was serious, but Erwin’s face was as calm as before as he slipped an arm around Levi’s waist, so Eren guessed that was all the explanation he was going to get. 

The two men led the way into the building, and Eren found himself following along again, wondering if this was a normal thing for them. It seemed like they could have anyone they wanted trailing behind them, so he didn’t know why they’d picked him or how he’d ended up like this anyway, but he wasn’t complaining even though part of him wanted to. Erwin and Levi had changed from that afternoon. They weren’t wearing suits anymore, but the dark jeans on Levi hugged his hips just right, and the black vest he was wearing showed off the muscles he hadn’t noticed before. They weren’t the same as Erwin’s, but on closer inspection, they were probably just as defined for his body type.

Erwin still looked like a movie star. Eren wasn’t sure how he did it in a tan sweater and jeans, but he did. His hair wasn’t as slicked back as before. Eren thought it might be nice to run fingers through it, and then he forced that thought back before it got any farther. He kept his thoughts to themselves until they were seated at the table.

“Shouldn’t you guys be doing this alone?” He hadn’t meant to ask it like that, but once it was out of his mouth he couldn’t take it back. He took the smirk on both of their faces as a sign that he hadn’t completely screwed up yet. “I mean, you’re together, right? Like a date or something?” 

“We’ve been together nine years, brat,” Levi answered simply. Eren didn’t see what that had to do with it.

“Eleven,” Erwin corrected, taking a sip of the glass of water in front of him.

“Nine,” Levi said again. Eren decided not to ask. 

He had other things to worry about when their waitress came to the table, anyway, because Eren suddenly remembered what suggesting a local place in a college town and then going along for the ride meant. He fought back the urge to bury his face in his hands as Sasha bounced up to the table, an eager grin on her lips. “Hi, guys! Welcome to BJ’s! Is this your first –“ She stopped short, and Eren didn’t have to guess why. “Oh. Hi, Eren!” She waved despite being about a foot in front of him, the end result being her hand in his face. “Where’s Armin and Mikasa? You guys usually travel in a group.” _And who’re the two old guys you’re hanging around?_ That was the unspoken question. He didn’t have to be Armin to catch that one. 

“Uh, they’re staying home tonight. Takeout,” he explained, shifting in his seat. 

Erwin seemed to catch onto the situation, because he took the reigns. “Eren’s joining us tonight to help us become acquainted with the town. Levi and I are going to be working closely with the Business Department at Trost Community, and we thought it might be helpful to see some of the local businesses.” Eren was starting to suspect he had some kind of degree in Smooth Talk. Even Eren bought it for a second. 

Sasha nodded at that, grinning and balancing her order pad on her hip. “Oh, sweet! I didn’t know you switched to Business, Eren. Did you tell Jean? Connie’s thinking about it too, you know, he’s way into it, I think he’s gonna switch before the year’s over…”

Eren mumbled something under his breath that might have been a ‘no’, feeling increasingly awkward as this conversation continued. It didn’t help that there were sharp grey eyes staring at him from the other side of the table. He drowned it out until Sasha was asking if she could get them something to drink to start off with.

“Red wine. The best you’ve got,” Levi said with a shrug, folding up the drink menu with what Eren noted was mild disgust. He’d set the napkin onto his lap. Eren didn’t even think people did that anymore. The important part was that he obviously didn’t intend to drive home, though, and Eren felt himself give a sigh of relief.

“Just water is fine, thank you. Could you add a bit of lemon?” Erwin’s hand was stroking up Levi’s arm again, rubbing circles. 

Eren realized he was expected to speak when everyone was suddenly staring at him, and he cleared his throat. “Oh, uh, a Coke, thanks.” 

As much as he liked Sasha, he was more than relieved when she walked off after gushing about the bread the place had and drooling all over herself (which was actually really good, she was right), even as Levi clicked his tongue. “That shit will rot your teeth, brat.”

Eren stared across the table, feeling the irritation bubble up again. “Thanks, _Dad_. You don’t hear me talking about your old liver.” 

Levi choked on a sip of water at the comment, thin eyebrows raising and lips pulled up into a smirk. Erwin chuckled, low and deep. Eren suddenly found himself under two intense stares, and he had to wonder if it was a good thing. He waited half a beat before speaking again.

“Are you even really going to lecture here?” 

Levi stared at him. “Do you think we’d bother to be here if I wasn’t? Yes. I’m starting lectures on Monday.” Erwin nodded once, backing the words and humming in agreement. 

“Why?” It was what he’d really wanted to ask back at Starbucks, even if it had come out wrong. They were obviously rich. Erwin could probably twist the whole world around his finger if he tried hard enough, the way he seemed to be going, and Levi had a fierceness that he was almost positive wasn’t going to put to good use at a shitty community college.

Levi only shrugged, leaned against the back of his chair. “If you’re looking for some big fancy answer, you’re not going to get it, kid. You want to know why I’m doing it? I’m bored, that’s why. I’m restless. If I have to spend another eight hours behind a desk, my brain’s going to melt and I’m going to kill everyone in the goddamn building. No one knows what they’re doing, paperwork’s a bitch, and I’m thirty-one and sick and tired of it. So I’m taking a break. It’s been a long time since I got out and dodged.” He sighed. “I’ll go back, because even Commander Big Shot over here knows I’m half the reason the place isn’t run into the fucking ground and he wouldn’t let me leave if I wanted to,” the look he sent to Erwin was telling, but Eren didn’t know of what, “but you know what? I deserve it. If I want to waste my time in a shithole college town, I will, and anyone who has a problem with it can go fuck themselves.” 

Eren hadn’t been expecting that. He didn’t even know what he’d been expecting, really, but it hadn’t been that. He was stunned silent, wide-eyed, trying to put the words together. It didn’t fit the image he’d made up for Levi in his head at all, and suddenly all the dark circles under his eyes made sense. He didn’t even sound tired, he sounded exhausted. He sounded like a man who’d spent years fighting and was done for a while. 

He sounded done. 

It was Erwin’s voice, soft and low, that caught his attention. “I’ll still be working the company while he’s gone. We’ve found a replacement. I’ll be commuting from here to the office.” His arm wrapped around Levi’s shoulder. Eren didn’t miss how Levi leaned into this time. “We both need a change of pace, Eren. That’s why we’re here.” 

Whether it was eleven years or nine, Eren suddenly felt like he was staring all of the years they’d spent together straight in the face. Erwin leaned down to kiss the top of Levi’s head. Levi mumbled something that he couldn’t hear, and Erwin said something back. Then he laughed, thick and almost loud, something straight from the stomach, and his entire face relaxed as he smiled. He looked younger. They both did. 

Eren swallowed and waited for the bread and drinks to show up, not saying anything else, not sure what the ache in his chest was. 

None of them had looked at the menus when Sasha came back to take their orders. Erwin made the mistake of asking what she suggested, and Eren bit back a groan as he took a sip of his coke, Levi glaring at the bit of condescension that managed to find its way to the tabletop as he lifted his wine glass like he’d lifted his coffee cup earlier, twisting his wrist in a way that Eren was sure couldn’t be comfortable. Sasha rambled about just about everything on the menu for a good fifteen minutes and Erwin took it all in stride, nodding as if he was listening to one of the most interesting things in the world, and Eren had a feeling that was a normal thing, but Levi was staring straight ahead, completely unbothered and disinterested. 

“Oh, and Eren knows what’s good!” Sasha decided to throw in at the end of her rant, grinning. “He always gets the same burger every time he comes here. It’s got avocado and everything. Should I put you down for that, Eren?” 

Eren squirmed in his seat, chuckling. “Oh, yeah. Sure, Sash.” At the look he got from across the table, he shrugged, rubbing at the back of his neck. “They make really good burgers here.”

“We’ll have the same as Eren, then,” Erwin decided, amusement clear in his tone, and Levi shrugged, passing his menu off. 

“If it’s greasy, you’re fucked, kid.” 

Eren decided not to think too hard about that.

“We’ll be paying, so don’t worry about anything, Eren,” Erwin assured as if that was something he’d even thought about. “I realize we invited you short notice.”

“Oh.” Eren blinked, shaking his head. “Nah, you don’t have to do that. I brought money.”

“We’ll be paying,” Erwin repeated, and Eren heard it again. It was completely polite and calm, and he was smiling again, but there was no way to miss the command there. Eren tried not to shiver, and he didn’t argue. Levi snorted into his wine.

There was a strange silence after that. Eren watched them from across the table, feeling his throat go tight every time he noticed them touching. At first he’d thought it was only Erwin, but it wasn’t. Levi leaned over and offered his wine glass, bringing it to Erwin’s lips, who took a small sip and hummed at the taste. Erwin tilted his body closer under their shoulders were touching. Levi let his fingers graze Erwin’s. 

Eren cleared his throat, and suddenly all of the attention was back on him. He didn’t know how to feel about it, either, but it brought the irritation back to the forefront, and he couldn’t explain why. “Are you guys actually going to tell me why you invited me here?” 

Levi smirked and Erwin chuckled. It was Erwin who folded his hands onto the table, though, looking straight at Eren. “Alright, Eren. We’ve probably jerked you around long enough. You deserve to know what our intentions are.” 

Eren waited, feeling his pulse race. When the light in the restaurant hit Erwin’s eyes, they flashed a brighter blue, and Eren couldn’t help thinking he was fucked.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin and Levi give some explanations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, it's another update! Honestly I should probably space this out more but I've got a bunch written in advance now and I'm excited for you guys to read it! Thank you so much for all the comments and feedback. It means a ton and it's been super encouraging. C:
> 
> I've got the bulk of this plotted out and, fingers crossed, updates should find some sort of consistency even once I've run out of written chapters. I'm thinking at least once a week, so no worries on me continuing. The way it's looking, this is going to be pretty long? Kind of a monster tbh. I didn't mean to get myself into this but I did. Hopefully you guys stick around for the ride!

“We want your opinion on us.”

Eren stared for a full minute, a piece of bread halfway to his mouth, but it still wasn’t any clearer. Erwin made no move to clarify further, though, watching for a reaction as if he’d expect he’d actually get one that wasn’t complete bewilderment. Levi was sipping at his wine and inspecting his fingernails. 

“What?” It was the only thing he could think to say, and probably the best way to express himself at the moment. His eyebrows were pulled together in confusion, and he lowered the bread back to the plate, watching Levi look up and sigh. He didn’t miss the glance he threw at Erwin, but he couldn’t make himself feel appropriately offended when he still had no idea what was going on. 

Did they expect everyone to just catch onto their code? Eren tried to make that sound less bitter in his head than it actually was, the anger rising up in his stomach as he waited impatiently for someone to explain. “Look, could you actually say something that makes sense?”

“It’s disgusting that you ripped that apart with your fingers,” was the only thing Levi said at first, his posture completely relaxed as he let one arm rest against the back of the chair. Erwin’s arm was still around his shoulder. After a moment, he shrugged. “It’s not really that complicated. I told you my part back at Shitbucks. I’m not good with people, but believe it or not, I actually give a shit about this. You’re around the age I’ll be teaching. Erwin thinks I need practice.” He smirked, raising an eyebrow again. “And Erwin thinks we could use _less_ practicing, apparently.” 

Eren still didn’t get it. Erwin came to the rescue, chuckling softly. “Eren, Levi and I have been together for eleven years.” It was the second time one of them had stressed that, and he still didn’t know why it meant anything. A lot of people had been together for that long. He was pretty sure they didn’t ask college guys out to dinner with them for the hell of it, though. 

“Nine,” Levi corrected, and Eren noted that it didn’t even seem like a conscious effort. He waved a hand when Erwin shot him a look, obviously giving him the go ahead to get on with it.

“We’ve been through a lot in those years, and we’ve changed considerably. We essentially started a company together.” The two of them shared a glance again, saying something that they didn’t feel the need to mention to Eren. Eren tried not to get too frustrated, but one hand gripped the edge of the table. “We’ve moved a few times. We’ve made mistakes, and in some cases, we’ve lost things important to us.” He paused, and Eren didn’t miss the way his eyes only lingered on Levi for a split second before he was looking back at Eren, as if he hadn’t glanced there at all. “People important to us,” he corrected, his tone harder but no less calm.

If Levi reacted to the words, Eren couldn’t tell. He stared straight at him, something inscrutable in those eyes that Eren didn’t think anyone had figured out yet. “Erwin was married when I met him. I was seventeen. Shit sucked, we fucked, and it’s a long story that we don’t need to get into. I’ll save your poor brain the trouble and say things were different back then.” Levi took another sip of wine, his lips curled against the glass in a way that made Eren squirm in his seat. “I was different, and so was he. But no one knows that.” 

Eren blanched when that sunk in. “Wait, you were _married_? How old are you?” It wasn’t his most graceful moment, but it was out before he could force it back. 

Levi laughed at that. He actually threw his head back and laughed, and it was higher pitched than he expected, but he hadn’t expected Levi to be the type of person to laugh like that at all. His shoulders shook a little with each peal, and Eren tried not to notice that his stomach fluttered at the sound of it. 

He looked a little freer for a second. But then he was done, his lips curled up into a smirk Eren was almost used to seeing by now, and he had to wonder if he’d seen anything in the first place. 

Erwin took it in stride, smirking, but his eyes were on Levi. He looked just as surprised for half a second, and then it was gone and the only thing that was left was fondness. “Thirty-four. It was a shotgun wedding.” He sighed, taking a sip of water and clearing his throat. “She was pregnant. Five months along. There didn’t seem to be any other available options, and I didn’t want to hurt her.” 

“And the truth will out,” Levi muttered under his breath. He raised his wine glass in mock toast and took a long, slow sip, drawing Eren’s attention before he pulled it away. Erwin snuck another sip. Levi punched him in the arm. 

“So, what?” It probably wasn’t any of his business, but they were the ones who’d dragged him into it in the first place. Eren took a bite of bread and ignored Levi’s scowl when crumbs went flying everywhere. His next bite was deliberately messy. “You left her?”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, you disgusting fuck,” Levi said, at the same time that Erwin shook his head.

“I stayed with her.” It was perfectly poised, and Erwin looked perfectly comfortable as he buttered a piece of bread for himself and brought it to his lips. 

Eren was lost again. “So…”

“So he fucked me on the side,” Levi supplied, filling in the blanks for him with a deadpan stare. He didn’t seem ruffled by it all, and if anything, it was a statement of fact. “He looks like the type, doesn’t he? Don’t lie. He likes to have his cake and eat it, too.” There was a pause, and that smirk came back. “And he really goes to town, trust me.” 

“Levi,” Erwin sighed, but Eren noticed he was smirking, lips curled up at the corners. It dropped as he shoved his plate aside, and when he locked gazes with Eren again, Eren couldn’t figure out what he was staring into. “I regret the way I handled it, but the past is the past. This is all beside the point.”

Eren grunted. He was still having trouble finding that point. “Right, okay. So you’ve been together a long time and things are different.” He got two nods for the effort there, and he tried not to feel like he was in someone’s classroom or being patronized. “So you want me to… What? Go on dates with you and tell you how it looks to me? Be around so Levi can practice talking to people? Show you around a shitty college town even though it’s probably half as big as whatever city you’re coming from?”

“Yes. For starters.” 

“That’s it. Good job, brat.” 

Eren stared. He took a sip of Coke. He stared some more. Then he said the first thing that came to mind. “Do you realize how weird that is, or are you just messing with me again? And why me?” 

Erwin laughed, low and warm, and Eren didn’t let it twist his stomach into knots this time. He leaned forward, slipping his arm off Levi’s shoulder in favor of folding his hands on the table, broad shoulders hunched forward. “Eren, can I answer your question with another question? If you’re not comfortable, you don’t have to answer, of course.” 

Eren’s mouth opened and then closed again, one hand clenched in his lap. What was he supposed to say to that? They were obviously playing games with him. Levi’s eyes didn’t leave him for a second, and he didn’t have to look away from Erwin to know that. He could feel them. He sighed, running a hand through his hair and shrugging, the agitation still somewhere near the surface. “Yeah, sure, I guess.” It wasn’t like he was going to answer it straight anyway. 

“Why do you paint? Why do you do anything you do?”

The low tilt of Erwin’s voice didn’t change. His eyes flashed with something that Eren didn’t understand, but he stayed leaned forward, watching him carefully for any sort of reaction. He didn’t flinch. He didn’t smile. He was completely calm and poised, and it got under Eren’s skin.

“What kind of question is that?” It came out harsher than he really meant it to, but he didn’t care. “That doesn’t have anything to do with what we were talking about.” 

“Answer it,” Levi said. 

So Eren did. “Because it matters.” He paused, sighing, because there wasn’t any way to talk about this without his head going a little too fast and his heart beating in his chest. There wasn’t any way to talk about this without putting all of himself into it. “Because it’s something worth doing, and sometimes it feels like I’ve got to do _something_ but I don’t know what and it’s the best I’ve got.” The words had slipped out before he’d even realized, and then he couldn’t take it back. “It’s the best shot I have at doing something that actually means something, and it’s the only time I ever really feel, I don’t know…” Eren really didn’t. He rubbed at his face, eyebrows furrowed, eyes bright. “Okay,” he finished, lamely. “It’s important to me, and I want it to be important to other people.”

Levi only nodded, as if he’d expected that. “Now ask why we do what we do.” 

Eren knew he was being baited, but he took it anyway. “Fine. Why do you do what you do?” It was laced with every bit of frustration he was feeling, but he hated the way it still sounded genuinely curious.

“I don’t know,” Levi answered, completely serious. “Beats me, kid. I thought I knew a while ago, and now it’s anyone’s guess. I thought maybe I could do something good, make some sort of a difference, once Erwin and I shacked up. Not at first, but once I started going. You know what it all amounted to? Fuck all.” He shrugged, taking a long sip of wine. “Life’s a bitch, and we all fucking die.”

“I used to know,” Erwin added, nodding as he leaned back in his chair. He was smiling, but Eren didn’t know if it was real or not. “I used to think the same as you did. I had lofty goals and plans for each and every one of them. Now I’m not so sure.” 

And then Eren got the point. They didn’t know the point, either. 

“We weren’t planning anything more than that interaction at the coffee shop, Eren.” Levi’s grunt was either one of agreement or one in protest of calling Starbucks a coffee shop, and Eren was too hung on Erwin’s words to tell or care. “I told Levi that he wouldn’t be able to be pleasant with a college student, and that he’d grow tired of it within the week. I might have mentioned that I would be much better at handling the situation. It was only to prove a point. It was when you actually sat down with us, and later when we discussed it, that we decided…” He hesitated, lips pursed as he searched for words. Diplomatic ones, Eren thought. Ones that would land you hook, line, sinker. Like he wasn’t already drawn in like a moth to a flame.

“That we wouldn’t mind using the same test subject twice, or for something different,” Levi finished for him, probably less eloquently but a hell of a lot more bluntly. Eren found himself appreciating it. “You just had to draw wings, didn’t you?” 

“Right.” Because that was supposed to make perfect sense. If Eren didn’t have whiplash from the car ride, he was pretty sure he had it now. 

He didn’t get much farther than that, because their food came. It wasn’t Sasha bringing it out, and he couldn’t help but feel relieved BJ’s was packed Friday nights, because he didn’t have to look up as the burgers were set in front of all three of them. He watched the two of them inspect their food, Erwin nodding in appreciation and thanking their server, Levi sighing and poking at the bun with a fingertip and then promptly wiping it off on his napkin as if he’d just touched something infectious. 

Why did something like that already feel familiar? 

“So you want me to stick around,” he tried, squirting ketchup all over his fries and ignoring Levi’s curled lip. He dipped one idly, watching Levi dissect his food. 

“Only for as long as we’re in town. A couple months, maybe. Then we’re out.” Levi shrugged, in the process of carefully removing his bun and setting it aside on one of the plates the server hadn’t bothered to take, and scraping some of the excess avocado off of the top of his burger. Eren watched in mild fascination. “If you want one real answer as to why we’re doing it? We’re bored as fuck, and I won’t let Erwin get a cat.” 

Eren stared as Erwin smirked behind a bite of food, glaring across the table. “So you’re saying I’m the cat?” 

“Don’t be a dumbass.” For a second, Eren actually thought he saw Levi smile, but it was gone as soon as it came, the deadpan back to replace it. “You’re cleaner than a cat, and probably less intelligent. Honestly, I’m starting to think it might do a better job getting done what we need it to. Let’s head to the shelter after this, Erwin.”

“I think I prefer Eren, actually,” Erwin said, and that look was in his eyes again. 

Eren wanted to be angry. He wanted to be indignant. He was being played with. He was being treated like some sort of stray, something for Levi and Erwin to play with for a while and use for whatever it was they were too screwed up to do themselves, and then get rid of him. To have him follow them around like the cat they weren’t getting, and what, get insulted every two seconds? He still didn’t even understand what they were getting out of all of this, and all of it was just as weird as it had been earlier when Erwin had showed up in Armani. Whatever business they were running together, it was something big. Whatever it was they did, it paid more than anything he had was worth. They could find anyone in the world to drag around with them, and it didn’t make any sense that they were choosing him. But Erwin was laughing into another bite of his burger and Levi was glaring at him as he cut a bite of his own, and Eren couldn’t feel what he was supposed to feel.

It was weird, not being angry. In the absence of it, Eren didn’t know what to do. 

“You haven’t touched your food,” Erwin pointed out, and Eren bit back the smartass remark on the tip of his tongue, because he’d had a couple fries. That kind smile was back, and Eren clenched his fist hard in his lap to hold back the urge to punch it right off. It wasn’t fair at all, but it would probably be less frustrating than whatever it was he was feeling at the moment. “You should eat. If you’re not sure about any of this, that’s perfectly fine. Levi and I will be in town for months, like we just said. If you only want to meet us a few times and discuss getting your artwork looked at, that would be perfectly acceptable, too.”

Eren waited for any of that to make sense, staring. Nothing on Erwin’s face changed. He didn’t even blink.

“What?” Eren could hear the exasperation in his own tone. This conversation was worse than one with Armin when he was face first into some obscure topic that he couldn’t wrap his head around. “My artwork?”

Levi snorted, his fork halfway to his mouth. “Did you think we weren’t going to pay you for your services, brat?” 

“Pay me? Services?” What service was he even providing? It made him think of other things, but that on top of the frustration wasn’t doing anything to keep his mind clear, and he scowled. “What are you talking about?”

“Levi and I think you have real potential, Eren.” He wished it sounded patronizing, just a little, so he could be mad. It didn’t, though. Erwin sounded nothing but sincere as he brought a fry to his mouth, and Eren tried not to watch as it disappeared between his lips. “We were impressed by what we saw when you showed us your work. It’s what drew us to you, honestly. We both decided that regardless of your decision, we wanted to help you along with your art.”

“That’s the other thing we wanted you for.” Levi set his fork down, and Eren leaned forward instinctively. “You’re going to paint something for us.” 

Eren’s eyebrows raised. That made a whole lot more sense than anything else they’d said, even though it didn’t. “Uh, wouldn’t it have been easy to just bring that part up first?” 

“The first part was just as important, if not more so, than the second,” Erwin informed him after he’d swallowed his next bite. “If you weren’t aware of the first part, you wouldn’t be capable of properly doing the second. We need something specific from you, Eren.”

That time Eren got it. His eyes widened. “You want me to paint you guys?”

“And we’ve got a winner,” Levi mumbled, cutting into his burger. Eren couldn’t help still being a little fascinated by someone eating a burger with a fork and knife. He was even stabbing at the fries. 

“It’s something very important to us, and we’re not taking it lightly. We’ve been looking for a while.” Erwin was hesitating again. That never seemed like a good sign. “We just hadn’t found anyone with the right amount of… Zeal.” 

“Passion,” Levi threw in. “You practically blinded us with it.”

Eren shook his head, still confused and certain it was written all over his face. “You realize I’m an undergrad, right? There are probably a lot better artists than me out there. You could find one.” He paused, rubbing at the back of his neck. "I mean, I'm good, but..."

Levi snorted. “Yes, we could. Thank you for that.” Grey eyes were suddenly right on Eren, though, and they wouldn’t let him go. “But we want you. So what’s it going to be, brat?”

Eren was almost positive his breath got caught in his throat for a second.

And then he nodded.

“Yeah. Fine, okay. I’m in.” 

Erwin smiled, all pearly white teeth and charm and Eren hated it for working. “Excellent.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Best way to reach me to chat is erenjaegerwa.tumblr.com, btw. I'd love to talk ot3!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren plans to stay the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is actually the second update today because I have absolutely no self control and realized I wouldn't be able to post one tomorrow. Since I'll be away for a while after that, I thought I'd get this up before! This is a fairly short chapter, so there's that. There should be another update in a week or so when I get back (or maybe before, but not likely)! Thanks for all the support - I really want to know what you're thinking, whether it's a critique or not! 
> 
> This fic has been so much fun to write so far, and I hope you're enjoying reading it just as much. c:

Eren managed to eat something after that, and once he got going, he realized how starving he actually was. BJ’s was on the more expensive side and he’d only gone a handful of times, but he’d ordered the same thing every time for a reason, even after Armin had teased him for it. He felt like Sasha on the first bite, practically salivating into it, and he was mostly able to ignore the disgusted glance he got from Levi and the chuckle from Erwin as he plowed the rest down, taking bite after bite and barely pausing to chew in between.

“You’re going to choke yourself,” Levi muttered, sighing, and turned to nudge Erwin. “Why did we pick the disgusting one? I take it back, he’s worse than the cat."

Eren took a deliberately huge bite of his burger, swallowing it down with a long sip of Coke and trying not to choke and prove Levi right. "This is how you're supposed to eat burgers, old man," he said once he'd gotten it all down, grinning at the expression on Levi's face. "It's not my fault your teeth are going bad."

Levi shook his head, taking another dainty bite of his burger. With a fork and knife. Eren considered it a victory. 

“Levi and I actually had a cat for a while, despite what he says,” Erwin explained as if nothing had happened at all, amusement clear in his tone. He patted at the corner of his mouth with a napkin, but it didn’t hide his smile. “He lasted a week. We didn’t even name him.”

“Erwin’s shit at names. I wanted to name him Filthy. If that didn’t work, Shitstain would have been fine.”

“You can see why we had a disagreement about it. It lasted a while, actually. I slept on the couch for a week.” Erwin took a sip of water in between, and Eren pretended not to watch as Levi glanced over at him, his smirk fonder than it was mocking. Then he tried not to notice as Erwin caught the look and returned it with one of his own, his hand slipping under the table. He really tried not to think about where it had gone. “Our friend Hanji had a few name suggestions, but we didn’t think any of them were appropriate.”

“They were all names of serial murderers and cannibals,” Levi added. "They'd run experiments on the thing if we let them." 

Eren decided he didn’t want to meet their friend Hanji anytime soon.

"Sawney wasn't too awful," Erwin said, but he was smirking. Levi shrugged.

"I liked Bean better." 

"So you did want to keep him? You're finally admitting that?"

"Fuck off, Erwin. We've already talked about this."

"I knew you liked him." Erwin sounded comfortably smug about that, stealing another sip of Levi's wine in celebration. Levi smacked him on the arm again. 

He wasn't sure if it counted as an argument or not, but whatever he was watching, it made him think of something. Eren's gaze locked on Levi's left hand as he raised his wine glass to his lips again, squinting in the bad lighting of the place and waiting for something to shimmer. The amused snort Levi gave caught his attention, though, dragging it back to those sharp grey eyes.

"If you're looking for a ring, you're shit out of luck. Erwin doesn't have one, either." How had he even known that? Eren blinked, and Levi shrugged, obviously capable of reading his thoughts. "People always look for it. We've been together nine years, you'd think we'd have tied the knot by now."

"Eleven. And I've asked, if you're wondering," Erwin commented around a sip of water, shrugging himself.

"And I've said no." 

And Eren decided to leave it at that. There was a finality there, something unsaid. Neither of the men were looking at each other anymore, eating in silence, and he didn't know what that was supposed to mean. On the surface, they seemed perfectly content with each other. The way they touched was proof enough, every brush and caress perfectly timed and comfortable, completely familiar. When they spoke to each other, it was like they were speaking some different language, one they'd come up with themselves and perfected over years. If one faltered, the other one picked right back up where they'd left off. They moved in sync. They ate in sync. When Levi reached over to grab the salt, Erwin was already there before he'd even moved, offering it up, shifting his body to accomodate. 

They moved like one being. Eren took another huge bite, trying to ignore the ache that settled inside of him at the thought. Whatever had settled over them, though, it was broken when Eren's phone chimed. And then chimed again. And again.

"Do you need to get that?" Erwin's tone was mild, but obviously pressing. 

Eren rubbed at the back of his neck, grinning sheepishly as he grabbed his phone out of his pocket and swiped past the lock screen. "Yeah, I should probably check. Sorry." He didn't know why he was apologizingh when they were the ones who had dragged him along anyway, but it still felt rude to check his phone at the table. It was probably the manners his mom had taught him when he was a kid or something, but he didn't want to think about that. 

"We're businessmen. Erwin sends emails through dinner half the time. We're used to it," Levi offered.

Eren might have said something if he wasn't too busy staring down at the screen in horror. "Fuck."

"What's wrong?" The genuine concern in Erwin's voice probably would have sent his pulse racing if his stomach hadn't already sunk. 

"Fuck," he repeated. "Shit." 

"You're going to have to be a little more descriptive than that, brat," Levi prodded, and it was the concern in his voice that did it. Eren groaned, swiping a hand over his forehead in irritation and tugging lightly on his bangs.

"I told them to warn me if they were going to do stuff like this!" The outburst obviously surprised the couple, Erwin's thick eyebrows rising up into his hairline, Levi raising of one of his own in question, and he grunted, shrugging helplessly and trying to shake off the frustration. "My roommates. We've only got one room in the place, and we're really close so it's fine, but, you know," he gestured, trying to make it clear what he was trying to say without actually saying it, "We warn each other."

"You warn each other," Erwin repeated, his eyes practically swimming with mirth when Eren looked up into him. He inwardly cursed, scowling back. "I'm assuming this is your warning, then."

"Where did you tell them you were, kid?" Levi asked, smirking. "A date? Did you mention they shouldn't wait up, or what?" 

"My friend Marco's place," he mumbled, deciding he'd rather be honest. "How'd you know I lied?"

"Because no nineteen-year-old tells their friends they're going out with a couple old men to a restaurant. I didn't know, actually, but you just proved you're normal in at least one way." Levi leaned over the table, pushing his mostly finished plate to the side. "They think you can stay at your friend Marco's place, huh?"

Eren gave a miserable nod. He felt like an idiot. Why hadn't he put two and two together? This kind of stuff always happened when those guys were around, and Eren usually stayed out of it. Who was he going to call? Jean? He knew for a fact he was with Marco, which was why the lie had been stupid in the first place. He could call Krista, but Ymir would throw a shit fit and he'd probably end up being murdered in the middle of the night. He didn't want to spend the rest of his life as a target. Sasha was working, so that meant Connie was probably off at a party or something, and he had better luck at getting the president on the phone. Who else was there? He couldn't call Armin, because then he'd know he'd lied about Marco, and if he knew that, he wouldn't stop until he knew exactly what was going on and he'd figure it out and Eren needed time to figure out exactly what that was going on himself before he told anyone else. 

Erwin interrupted his thoughts by laughing, his own plate pushed aside. He flagged Sasha down with a polite smile and asked for the check, which Sasha had no problem bounding off to get after throwing him a concerned, questioning look, which he waved off. And then he said it. "You're panicking, but you don't need to. You'll stay with us for the night."

Eren's brain was a little behind. "What?"

"Fuck, Erwin, you're messing with his hormones," Levi said, and Eren didn't care if it was supposed to be sarcastic, it made his cheeks heat up. He tried to hide it with another big sip of Coke, but there wasn't anything left but the ice at the bottom. The sucking sound it made didn't really help the situation at all. He glared down at the straw. "We're staying at a hotel near this place. We'll get you a cot. You can borrow clothes, if you need them." 

"Oh, uh." Eren could think of a million different things wrong with that. "That's fine, really. I'll figure it out."

"It'll be easier this way," Erwin noted, and Eren couldn't figure out the expression on his face, or why it was twisting him all up. It just looked completely calm, and it made him want to feel calm, too. "You can show us around tomorrow morning, and then we'll drop you back off at your apartment."

Levi nodded. "You've got questions," he said. "It'll give you more time to ask, and then we won't have to deal with it later."

"You'll actually answer them?" He heard the impatience in his own tone, but he didn't really care enough to take it back. He figured it was pretty well earned at this point.

"Yes," Erwin agreed, and there was enough sincerity there that Eren almost felt bad. "We've probably created more questions than we've answered at this point. When we're at the hotel, you can ask as many as you want."

"We might not answer _all_ of them, though." Levi finished off the last of his wine, watching as Erwin slipped out his card when the check came and grabbing for his own wallet. Eren watched with wide eyes as he set bills down on the table. Catching Eren's look, he smirked. "No one in these places gets paid enough to deal with this shit. I tip high."

Sasha actually squealed when she found the tip on the table, and Eren knew most of it was probably going to go to a month's worth of takeout, but he couldn't help but grin back and wave when she pointed at it, practically jumping up and down. She flashed him an exaggerated thumbs up. 

Eren still felt like his head was reeling when they got into the car, Erwin getting behind the wheel this time. 

 

The hotel was exactly what he'd expected it to be, even though he'd never actually seen the inside of it. There wasn't a whole lot of high class near Trost, but it was the closest Erwin and Levi were ever going to get. They had the biggest hotel room the place offered, and Eren tried not to get worked up over the fact that it just so happened to be the honeymoon suite. They'd probably never had anyone staying in it before. 

"It's big," Levi had said in explanation, when he'd raised his eyebrows. It wasn't like the two of them were married, and Eren had made the assumption it was a sore subject for the two of them. "And probably less dirty."

"He likes bathing in the rose petals," Erwin had whispered to him as he'd walked by, sending a shiver up his spine that he tried to hide with a nod. Levi had obviously heard, if the dirty look he shot the both of them meant anything. 

They got looks when they all walked in together, and Eren was praying no one was around to see them all walk out. At least it didn't feel too personal when he got inside. The place was almost untouched except for the suitcases piled neatly in the corner. Eren's eyes were on the giant jacuzzi in the middle of the floor. It didn't look like the best place to take a bath, honestly. It was filled with rose petals, just like Erwin had mentioned. There were rose petals all over the bed, too, falling over onto the side of it, and it made him shift awkwardly. Two pairs of robes and slippers. Wine set out, along with different hors d'oeuvres. Levi sneered at the deviled eggs as he walked by, as if they'd personally offended him. Eren didn't ask. 

"We'll have fun with that," Levi said, nodding to the jacuzzi, and Eren had a feeling it was said with the intent of making him squirm. He glared as Erwin chuckled, joining in.

"We will," he murmured. Eren turned his head when the two of them kissed. 

It felt like he was standing right in the middle of some couple's getaway, and for some reason they wouldn't let him leave. Erwin's hands brushed against Levi's waist when he bent down to grab something from the suitcase. Levi looked up at him and smirked. Eren ground his teeth together, staring at the ugly painting on the wall instead of the two of them. It looked like someone had spit up paint on it. It was a bitter thought, and he didn't have anything to be bitter about. 

"Look, I can really find some other place to stay," he muttered, standing closer to the wall and backing himself into it as Levi and Erwin went about unpacking. "It's not a big deal."

"And it's not a big deal for you to stay, either. If you want me to be honest, Eren," Erwin said, and when he looked over his shoulder, Eren realized there was that spark in his eyes again, his lips curled up at the corners, "We're exhausted. It's been a long day."

Levi gave a long suffering sigh, and he looked completely unimpressed when Eren snuck a glance. "Old fucker. He's right, though." 

It still didn't change how weird the entire thing was. Eren let himself slide down the wall until he was cross-legged on the ground, watching as Levi settled on the bed and Erwin took to one of the plush, comfortable looking chairs. "It's actually a decent massage chair," he said, as if Eren had been wondering. "You should try it later."

Eren let out a breath. "You said I could ask you questions, right?" They both nodded, so Eren went right ahead, trying to dive into it. Maybe it would make his stomach stop feeling like it was going to turn into itself, and get the stupid, insistent bitter taste out of his mouth. "Wings. Why do they matter? You made it sound like that's the reason you wanted me to hang around, and... Paint you, I guess. It's because I drew them, right? So what do they mean?"

Erwin took in a breath. From where he was sitting, it almost looked like Levi took it out for him. "Everything," he breathed. 

"Us," Erwin added. 

Eren didn't know what he was supposed to take from that. "You know, you said you'd actually answer," he pointed out, every bit of the sentence laced with frustration. 

Erwin chuckled. "We did. Do you want to show him, Levi, or should I? I don't think he'd understand unless he saw for himself."

"Why do we have to give the brat a peep show?" Eren's eyes widened, because even as Levi said it, he was getting up from the bed. Eren tried to sputter out a protest, but Levi was already pulling his shirt off after discarding the vest, turning with his back to him.

And then Eren got it.

Across Levi's back, plain as day, were wings. They spanned the entire surface, curling up onto his shoulders and down to where his lower back met his jeans. For a moment, Eren forgot to breathe. The detail was incredible, and he didn't know how long it had taken to fill them in the vibrant blue and white they were, but he was sure they'd paid a fortune for it. It didn't matter. For a second, when Levi twitched, Eren swore he saw them flutter. It was a trick of the light, but it had the same effect. 

They were gorgeous. 

"I have them, too." Erwin's voice pulled him back, but it was quiet, almost a whisper. "Not as big, but they're there. I got mine done after his. They never meant nearly as much until after I met him."

Levi grabbed for his shirt and pulled it over his head, and when he turned back around, Eren couldn't tell at all what he was thinking. His expression was completely blank, but he swore, just for a second, that his lips twitched. He stared straight at Eren, and Eren couldn't help staring straight back. "And that's why we picked you, kid. You're going to regret drawing those wings."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back! It was a fun trip, for the most part, and I did some pretty incredible things (skydiving!!), but I'm super glad to be home and ready to pump out some updates.
> 
> Thank you all for the amazing feedback, and please don't be shy about critiquing or asking questions or anything like that. Now that I'm around more consistently, I'll be really happy to talk to you! I've got the new few chapters all written out and ready to be posted, so updates shouldn't take very long at all. Also keep in mind that I'm editing this myself, so there's bound to be stuff I miss. Whoops.
> 
> Besides that, enjoy!

They did end up ordering him a cot. It was set up in the far corner of the room, and considering the size of the place, Eren was pretty sure that was the closest he was going to get to being separated completely. It wasn't like he was going to ask them to pay for a separate hotel room, especially not when they'd actually taken the time to answer his questions instead of giving him more to wonder about. Erwin was patient about it, listening to every word he said and understanding every time he got frustrated. He was quick with his answers, but he always seemed to think about them, too, and they never came out patronizing. Levi offered snide comments in between sips of the wine he'd opened, but Eren had a feeling it was friendly for him. It ended up balancing out. 

And anyway, Levi's eyes still hadn't left him since he'd shown him his tattoo. Eren had spent most of the evening pretending not to squirm under his gaze. 

"This isn't the first time we've done something like this, no," Erwin had answered when he'd asked, and he'd reached for the glass Levi had tried to hand off to him earlier, a wry smile on his lips. "We're not new to this. If anything, I'd say this is a normal pattern for us."

"He wants to think he'd be fine with it," Levi had muttered, halfway through a sip, his lip curled and his expression unreadable. "He wouldn't be and he knows it, the fucker."

Eren's eyebrows had pulled together at that, confusion written all over his face. Erwin had saved him again. "White picket fence life," he explained, humming into his glass. "Marriage, a nice house in the suburbs, maybe even children. A cat, if all else failed." He'd glanced in Levi's direction, who, for his part, had managed to look entirely disinterested. He'd busied himself with dusting the rose petals off the bed.

"Don't let him fool you, he doesn't want it." Levi's voice had been sharp like a whip, and Eren swore he'd heard the crack. "He had that life and he threw it away."

Eren almost left it alone, but something had made him push. "What happened..." He bit on his lip, expression twisting as he looked for some way to say it without coming off as the world's biggest asshole. "You were married, right?"

Eren had thought Erwin's eyes were a bright sky blue. They had seemed impossibly darker in that moment, narrowed and dangerous. "I think," he'd said, his lips pursed together, "That this is one of the cases where Levi is absolutely right."

Eren had looked, but Levi hadn't offered any help. He hadn't even bothered to look up as he'd swept the rose petals into a neat pile.

"We're not going to answer all of your questions, kid. Not tonight. Honestly, it'd take a fucking lifetime."

It was weird, but Eren thought, just right at that moment, that it might not be too bad to stick around and find out. At least it wasn't boring. Halfway through the conversation he'd started scooting closer to the two of them, forgetting why he'd been uncomfortable in the first place, and by the time an hour had passed, according to the clock on either of the bedside tables, they had all formed some strange circle, Levi on the bed, Erwin in his chair, Eren on the floor, practically at Erwin's feet. 

"Don't you look comfy," Levi had teased. Eren knew by now that the older man was screwing with him, but it hadn't stopped his cheeks from flushing pink, especially when Erwin smirked in return.

The things they told him outweighed what they didn't. They skipped around the details that Eren couldn't care less about and elaborated when he did. Erwin and Levi had traveled all over the world together, every continent except Antarctica and Eren didn't think that one counted. Levi thought the quiet European villages were probably his favorite place to visit, but Erwin preferred Asia. They both agreed the food in America was shit, and if there was one thing they missed when they came back, it was the cuisine. Eren thought that was a little pretentious, so he'd pointed it out and laughed, surprised when they both joined in, Erwin in a deep rumble, Levi with a low chuckle and a "you little shit". They went for business, sometimes, but mostly just because they wanted to. Sometimes, they just got on a plane and went.

"Just like that?" he'd asked, eyes wide. "You just...go?"

"We just go," Levi had replied, simple as that. "Why the fuck should it have to be harder than that?"

Eren had spent his entire life in the same state, in the same country, on the same contintent. He could think of a lot of reasons why it should be harder than that, but when he really thought about them, none of them actually added up. He'd shrugged helplessly, and in the short silence that followed, he couldn't stop his head from reeling.

Thinking about them traveling the world made him think about money, though, and he'd asked about what they actually did. Erwin was the CEO of the company they both worked for, which should have surprised him, but it didn't. Survey Insurance was a name he'd heard before, though, and that was what got his attention.

"What, that big international insurance company? The one that made the news because it started that campaign?" Eren leaned forward, ignoring the way he was practically up on Erwin's knees. "The one about spreading health services and stuff."

Levi had rubbed at his temples. "I didn't think you'd be up on current events, brat."

"Let's not talk work tonight," Erwin had sighed, and Eren had noticed how he'd slumped in his seat. "We're technically on vacation, after all, Eren. We talk work all the time."

Eren didn't say how he thought it was pretty cool, amazing, even, what their company had tried to do, but he thought it. By the look on their faces, they got the message anyway. 

Eren could easily think of a few more thousand things he wanted to ask, but the day was wearing on him. Erwin smiled at him when he yawned and tried to cover it with a hand. "You can ask more questions tomorrow," he promised. "Though I think it's only fair we learn a little about you, as well."

Eren was about to agree, but Levi spoke up first. "You didn't even ask the most important one," he said, and the way his face was entirely expressionless, not even a small curl of his lips, not even an arch of the eyebrow, unsettled Eren a little. Erwin shifted in his seat, his jaw clenching tight. 

"Uh. I didn't?"

"Why we want that painting, kid." Levi got up from the bed, towering over him, probably because it was the only time we could. "And why we need you to do it."

Eren opened his mouth, but Erwin cleared his throat loudly, and both their heads turned. "I think we can save that one for another day, Levi." It was pointed and direct, and not to him. Levi hummed, smirking. His fingers brushed Erwin's arm on the way to the bathroom. Eren thought his hips moved a little more than necessary. 

Eren didn't know what had happened, but the next thing he knew he was getting a pair of flannel pajama pants and an oversized t-shirt thrown at him and being ushered off to bed. He tried not to notice that the shirt smelled like Erwin, fresh, but with a hint of whatever spicy cologne he was wearing. 

  
It was probably the shift of the bed that woke him up in the first place. For something huge and comfortable looking, the bed Levi and Erwin were sleeping on made a lot of noise. He'd noted it when they'd first gone to bed and promptly tried to delete it from his brain. Eren turned over, burying his face in the pillow and trying to drift off again.

"You know exactly what you were doing, Levi," a voice whispered, and Eren blinked against the pillowcase, confused. "What did you think you were going to get from this?"

"This," he thought he heard someone's voice say back.

The creak of the bed and muffled groan had him more awake than before, his eyes open wide. He wasn't hearing what he thought he was hearing. Whatever it was, it was his imagination. He tried to force his eyes closed again, glad he'd fallen asleep facing the wall his cot was jammed against. 

"I saw the way you looked at him," that second voice hissed, the voice Eren realized was probably Levi's, and his heart pounded in his chest, rising up into his throat as he tried to keep his breathing even. "You, ah... You fucking old pervert." 

Eren clenched his eyes shut tight, not wanting to think about why Levi's voice sounded so strained, or why the bed was moving. And he really didn't want to think about what he was saying. They weren't talking about him. He was dreaming, still asleep. He was going to wake up alone and annoyed in his bed, dreaming about two older guys who for some reason seemed to care that he existed. He wasn't going to let it go on, though. Eren's fists clenched in the bedsheets, and he willed it away.

The bed creaked again. 

"Don't pretend you didn't look, too," Erwin's voice answered, an amused lilt, low and sultry. Eren felt it in his gut, warm. He curled into his side, making certain to keep his breathing slow. 

"The way he looked at you, though," Levi murmured, and Eren's gut twisted when he realized he hadn't denied anything. Hadn't even tried. "You haven't had anyone look at you like that in a long time, huh?"

"It reminded me of you."

"No, it didn't." 

"It didn't," Erwin conceded. Eren bit down hard on the inside of his cheek. 

"He doesn't know the things you've done, Erwin Smith," Levi said, and Eren didn't even think it was a whisper anymore. It was a purr. "He doesn't know all the bad, horrible things you've done. The people you've fucked over. The lives you've ruined..."

"Fuck, Levi."

Eren bit into his pillow. It didn't stop the reaction he was having. It didn't calm down his racing pulse. It didn't even make him force himself to stop listening.

"He doesn't know about you either." Erwin's voice was deeper. It sounded like a growl. "None of the nasty secrets you're keeping. The naughty things..."

"And he doesn't have to." A groan. A whimper, from somewhere, someone. A gasp. "He'll never know. And you'd like that, Erwin. You want a boy who doesn't know how dark it is inside of your head. Because you don't want to know, either."

Eren's face stayed buried in the pillow, hyper aware of the noises coming from the bed. Muffled groans. Heavy breathing. The sound of skin against skin, rubbing against silk sheets. A choked cry. Wet, loud sucking noises, noises that went right through him, twisted him up inside. He closed his eyes and imagined it, using every inch of power he had to stay still, to keep his panting silent, to keep his heart from beating too loud and tearing itself out of his chest. He didn't think they would even notice it now, though.

He imagined it. Imagined what it might be like to be in between the two of them, Levi's lithe body writhing against his own, Erwin's hard muscle against his back. What it might be like to hear that growl near his ear, what it might be like if that sucking noise was Levi's tongue in his mouth, coaxing out his own, Erwin's teeth on his shoulder, both of them pushing and pulling, working in sync, working on him. Opening him up and exposing him, laying him out, stripping him bare like they had in Starbucks earlier with a couple words. _"You've got talent,"_ Erwin would say.

 _"That's why we chose you, kid,"_ Levi would breathe into his neck. 

"You want him?" was what he heard, and he couldn't figure out whose voice it was. He held his breath, hips rutting against the bed, grateful that the cot didn't seem to make nearly as much noise.

"I want you," Erwin whispered back, but it didn't sound like a whisper. It sounded like need, pure and simple. It sounded like exactly what it was.

Eren's stomach dropped.

The sounds continued, but not for very long. The bed kept creaking, and then it stopped. Eren listened to them stop trying to muffle themselves, listened to their breathing even out, part of him wondering if he had imagined all of it after all. 

"Marry me, Levi," Erwin said, but it wasn't the way he'd expected to hear it. There wasn't a hint of push there. He said it like an offering. There was no expectation there, but also no lack of hope. It didn't sound like a man rejected. It sounded like a man who had done this before and knew the outcome, but was playing the game anyway. 

"No," Levi said, but it didn't sound like a no. "Ask me again."

"Marry me," Erwin repeated.

"No."

Eren felt all the heat in his gut being replaced with something else. It overfilled and reached his mouth, bitter and acidic, nearly making him gag. He understood that it had never been about him, but that wasn't the point. He'd always been listening to a private conversation, eavesdropping on a moment that wasn't his to experience. But hearing the absolute devotion in Levi's voice, hearing the way the bed creaked one last time, hearing what he knew was their lips pressed against each other's, what he knew was Erwin's response, what he knew was them, with their tattooed wings, with their ringless fingers, with everything that made them who they were...

Levi had said no like nothing else in the world mattered, and Eren knew that with every fiber of his body, even if it wasn't the way Erwin wanted, he was saying yes. Eren couldn't take that from them, and he couldn't have it, either. It wasn't even his to want. Even if it was, he wouldn't know what it was in the first place. 

The bed didn't shift anymore. There were no more voices. Eren felt cold as he rolled over, staring up at the ceiling. 

He couldn't get back to sleep after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want, come chat with me on tumblr. I'm erenjaegerwa over there, too, and I track my tag~


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, it's another update! Have I mentioned I'm really bad at self control? It's okay, though, because eventually I'm going to run out of chapters I've written ahead and we'll slow down again. 
> 
> Also, I added tags because new tags were probably necessary. Added pairings are going to be secondary focus but they're going to be there, so that's a thing that should probably be warned about. I actually didn't intend for all of them but somehow it happened?
> 
> And, besides that, enjoy and thank you for all the support!!

The next morning couldn’t have been more awkward if it tried, and Eren thought it was trying pretty damn hard considering he’d woken up to a half-naked Levi fretting about the stain on his jeans. It beat his first morning after by a landslide in the awkward contest, and he’d woken up to Jean fucking Kirschtein and his horse face on that occasion. He couldn’t look either of the two men in the eye, and that was difficult when they seemed to be dead set on getting him to do exactly that. Eren had a feeling they weren’t used to not getting what they wanted, at least not anymore – that was usually something that pissed him off, but in them, it was just kind of endearing. _That_ pissed him off more than anything. Either way, Erwin had gotten him to agree to breakfast somewhere he liked, and Levi wouldn’t stop riding his ass, a phrase he regretted even thinking immediately after he did. 

He couldn’t get the noises they’d made the night before out of his head. Every time one of them opened their mouth, Eren couldn’t breathe for a second, because it sounded like a groan whispered into skin. Every time he thought he was done hearing it, it crawled up inside of his ears and buried itself inside of him, making him remember. It was getting under his skin in a way that was a bit too familiar for his liking, burrowing deep inside of him and gripping tight. 

Eren had felt frustrated like this before, more often than he’d ever want to admit to someone who didn’t already know. He’d felt the restlessness, the tenseness of his muscles, the way his mind ran ahead of him. He hadn’t ever been able to explain to anyone the right way, except maybe Armin that time they’d both stayed up until three in the morning and he’d whispered the words to him, tried to make them connect. It was like running for hours and miles and not getting anywhere. “God, Arm,” he could hear himself saying, “It’s like I know what I’m supposed to be doing, what I should be doing, but I can’t do it. It makes me mad. It pisses me off.”

This time, Eren could say with absolute certainty that he had no idea what he was meant to be doing, and he didn’t know exactly what was frustrating him. He didn’t even know why it should. 

“Kid, I know something’s wrong. You haven’t said a word all morning and that’s saying something. Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed or what? Were you mad we didn’t save any petals for you?” His tone was the same deadpan, but Eren could hear the concern underneath it, and he didn’t know whether he wanted to be imagining it or not. When he noticed Erwin’s hand on Levi’s shoulder, he decided.

Eren just glared over a bite of pancake at the IHOP he’d taken them to (he’d really just suggested it because he knew it wasn’t either of their type of place). “I’m just not a morning person,” he mumbled, which was the truth. Erwin ordered him coffee. 

It was probably spiteful, but he made a point of not drinking it. He got more satisfaction than he should have out of Erwin occasionally frowning in its direction, as if he expected it to be empty the next time he glanced over. The coffee didn’t have enough sugar anyway. Eren couldn’t ever get the stuff down unless it was white from the milk and had the consistency of a few couple Pixie Stix. 

Levi stopped prodding halfway through breakfast and settled for scowling, and Erwin tried to make pleasant conversation, but Eren wasn’t having it. He wasn’t in the mood, and drenching his eggs in ketchup and dragging them around his plate like an egg massacre seemed like a better way to pass the time. What did they expect? What had _he_ expected? What they’d said when they didn’t think he was listening was probably more honest than anything they’d said to his face, whether they were being open with him or not. He didn’t know anything about them. They were older than him, they were a hell of a lot more experienced than him, and even if for some reason they wanted to keep them around, it wasn’t going to last and he wished more than anything that he could believe it wasn’t going to be worth his time. 

Every scrape of his fork against the plate was agonizing. Eren tried not to hear and see teeth against skin instead. Levi was wearing a high-necked collar. 

He’d never been all that insecure, because he’d never had a reason to be. Mikasa and Armin wouldn’t leave him for anything, and there wasn’t anything to be worried about there. Anyone else didn’t matter nearly as much, not when he had them, and Eren knew what he was good at and what he wasn’t, what he could work himself ragged to get done and what wasn’t worth the effort in the first place. When he put his mind to something, he got it done. But this? Eren couldn’t figure out what was making it happen. All he’d done was show the two of them some sketches in a Starbucks, sketches he’d shown to other people a thousand times over. Sketches that weren’t even particularly great, just things he’d worked out and put on paper at two in the morning when he couldn’t get his brain to shut off, when the only thing on his mind was _draw draw draw create._

So why were they so interested? The wings didn’t even mean anything, not to him. Armin had been really into birds of prey for a while, pouring over books about them and watching documentaries like it was the only thing he needed in life. Eren had probably just picked it up from there, but he didn’t want to break it to them that whatever connection they thought he had with them was a product of a Discovery Channel special. 

He knew it wasn’t, anyway. It would be bullshit if he said it, and even though he knew it was stupid, he couldn’t bring himself to lie to them.

Eren could use them to get his artwork noticed, but that had never been the reason he’d gone along with what they wanted anyway, not even when they’d brought it up. There wasn’t a whole lot he cared more about than art, but one of those things was getting somewhere on his own, based on his own merit. There was no way he was going to let some rich guys get him a break when it wasn’t based on actual skill, and how did he know it was? 

Because they wanted him to paint them, and for some reason, it was important that it was him. Eren hated that thinking it still twisted him up.

“Eren,” Erwin said, and it bothered him that it caught all of his attention again. He blinked. Erwin gave a weak smile, nodding out the window of the car. His fingertips were tapping idly against the steering wheel, following a pattern Eren couldn’t follow. “We’re in front of your apartment.”

“Oh. Right.” 

He would have gotten out and gone, disappeared, left while he could, but Levi’s voice pulled him back. He’d rolled down the window and called out an, “Oi, brat!” 

Eren didn’t know what made him stop and turn back around, but he did.

“Take care of yourself.” 

That was it. Nothing else. And then the car was pulling away from the curb, and then it was gone, and Eren was left standing there with his fists clenched and nothing to blow the steam off on. 

 

He found something when he got into the apartment. 

The place was a mess, which didn’t usually bother him. He was the most likely of the three of them to leave empty Coke bottles sitting out on the table and, when he didn’t feel like dealing with it, known for throwing his dirty clothes on the floor and letting them marinate for a while. Armin and Mikasa scolded him for it, but it didn’t make him stop. What he walked into was a little ridiculous even for him, though, and he groaned, rubbing a hand over his face as he was faced with empty red cups scattered all over the floor, a broken beer bottle near the kitchen, and two flipped over bowls, popcorn and chips spilled all over the floor. He would wonder what happened but he knew it was Reiner, so he didn’t need to. 

Mikasa was smart enough to handle herself, but sometimes he thought she went a little too far. She never got too drunk with them, not to the point where she lost herself, and she never got high as far as he knew, but the fact that she went along with it at all made him uneasy. He didn’t want to think about why. Right now, he didn’t even want to think. 

Eren took a deep breath and called out. “Mikasa?” 

“Mmmmmmn. Eren?”

Eren got an eyeful he didn’t need when he walked into the bedroom after avoiding the snack obstacles, and he was immediately shielding his eyes, his face a bright red. “Jesus, ‘Kasa, warn me!”

“I did,” came the mumble, completely calm and composed, and Eren grit his teeth together. Mikasa was probably the only one in the world who could react that way when her brother walked in on her naked on top of another girl. “Last night.” 

“Alright, great, fine, cool,” Eren found himself saying, mostly just to say things. “I get it, you’re doing the lesbian exploration thing, that’s good for you, but could you maybe not do it right now?” 

He was still covering his eyes, but he heard the bed shift. He peeked through his fingers and immediately regretted it. Annie’s face was as expressionless as always, but the corners of her lips were pulled up just slightly. He could see the top of her breasts peeking out from the sheets. “Hey.” 

“Yeah, hi, Annie,” Eren said. He turned towards the wall. “Where’s Armin, anyway? Bert and Reiner?”

“Reiner and Bert left late last night,” Mikasa explained, but there was an obvious note of worry in her tone and Eren’s heart jumped. He dared a glance again, grateful that they’d at least pulled up the sheets this time. “But Armin went to Marco’s. Didn’t you see him there?” 

Eren actually banged his head against the wall, overreaction be damned. He only stopped to glare when Annie threw her head back and laughed. 

 

He had really been hoping Armin might let it slide, just this one time. He didn’t.

He was Armin Arlert, though, and he couldn’t handle things like any other normal human being, not when it came to Eren. He knew him too well, and they’d been together too long. Instead he waited until Eren and he were alone before he cornered him, a Harry Potter weekend marathon playing in the background on their shitty TV as Mikasa cleaned the kitchen and went back to completely ignoring whatever it was she had going on with Annie (which was going splendidly, if the crashes that sounded every couple minutes meant anything). Eren knew that look he’d gotten meant Armin was staring straight into his soul and back, into the inner workings of his mind, especially when tilted his head to the side, blond fringe falling into his eyes, and smiled sadly. “You’re going to tell me where you were when you’re ready,” he said, shrugging. “So I’m not going to drag it out of you or anything. But you can tell me anything, you know that.” He’d paused, turning his head toward the screen as if he’d taken interest in Harry Potter and his new broomstick. “Marco said he didn’t talk to you at all yesterday, so I know you were never there in the first place.” 

Simple. Matter of fact. Eren hadn’t been able to swallow around the knot that had formed in his throat. 

And he’d hated himself for nodding dumbly. He was pretty sure it was Armin’s goal to make him feel like clawing his own throat out from guilt, but he still couldn’t tell him, especially not then and there. They’d gotten to the Goblet of Fire before Eren peeled himself off the couch and slunk off to the bedroom to bury his fist into a pillow. 

By Friday, he was starting to think it didn’t even matter anymore, and wishing the thought didn’t make him feel miserable. 

Mikasa and Annie had fallen back into their pattern, which meant they were sneering at each other whenever they were in sneering distance. Mikasa had gone back to complaining about Annie in every breath that wasn’t wasted on fretting over Eren, which she did a whole lot more when she didn’t want to be thinking about herself and her own issues. Eren knew they were fighting more, but not like any normal couple might fight; they were going to the gym and literally knocking the wind out of each other, sweating it out, and throwing each other to the padded floors until they felt better about whatever it was they were doing between the sheets. He’d asked Mikasa once why she thought it was a better idea to beat the shit out of Annie instead of figure out their relationship, but the only thing he’d gotten in return was a shrug and a loud, aggressive grunt as she slammed her fist into a punching bag. 

Eren wondered how he’d managed to get the weirdest best friends in the world, one of them being his adopted sister, but decided he didn’t really care. It wasn’t like he could talk.

Armin, for his part, didn’t have time to investigate where exactly Eren had been on Friday, not when he had a paper coming up that was worth a good 25% of his grade. He spent most of the time out of the apartment and in the campus’s library, pouring over books. Every time Eren saw him he had deeper circles under his eyes, but he knew from experience that pointing them out would just make Armin testy, so he’d kept his worrying to himself and did what he could. That mostly included making sure he didn’t forget to eat. Armin might complain about the lunches Eren made him in the morning before he went off to his 8:45 class, insisting that he didn’t need Eren to do it, but he always took them anyway. Eren figured it was because they were delicious, even that one time he’d only been half awake and had spread sour cream instead of mayonnaise.

Eren was back to freaking out about the painting he had due in a week and had somehow managed to spill an entire thermos of coffee onto. 

He’d spent all week trying to decide whether it was salvageable or not, even while already knowing the answer was a resounding no. It hadn’t even been completely dried yet, and whatever colors hadn’t managed to etch themselves completely into the canvas were now a sickening brown color, everything running into each other until he could barely see what he’d intended the thing to show in the first place. He’d tried painting over it. He’d tried tilting it every way possible, sitting it in the sun, rubbing over it with a cloth and desperately trying to get the liquid out, which, in retrospect, had just served to make him frustrated.

It definitely wasn’t salvageable after he threw it at the wall and then snapped it in half. 

Normally, he would have taken it as a challenge and set on getting another one done in a night. That was until he’d checked his email early Monday morning and found one from Dr. Pixis, informing him that he’d taken interest in Eren’s work and was looking forward to displaying his newest painting in the art gallery. In his own box. With his name on it. Eren would admit to getting butterflies and nearly pushing Armin out of the bed in the process of shoving his phone in his face and making him look, too, a blinding grin on his lips. Mikasa had only woken up when he’d jumped onto his feet and bounced, fist pumping in the air, the old box spring of their shared bed screaming in agony, and that was only to shove a pillow in his face. 

That excitement had lasted until he’d realized he didn’t actually have a painting to show in the first place, and if he didn’t fix it quick, there would be an empty showcase box with ‘Eren Jaeger, biggest failure’ displayed proudly for whoever stumbled into the place to see. 

Which brought him here, sitting in the college’s cafeteria which his sketchbook, muttering to himself, ripping out pages and glaring, eyebrows pulled close together as he gripped the pencil between his fingers hard enough to snap it. 

He knew he could do it. He just wasn’t, for some reason. 

“Man, you look like you’re going to kill someone. Chill out, Jaeger.” 

Eren ground his teeth together, not looking up at the sound of the chair across from him screeching against the floor. He knew exactly who it was, and he didn’t have time for it. 

“You know, your eyebrows always do that thing when you’re pissed off. It’s creepy as shit.” When he didn’t get a reaction, he tried again. “Aw, come on, don’t act like that, alright? Marco said if I didn’t patch things up with you he was going to lock us in a closet or something. We’ve had enough of that.” 

Eren broke his pencil tip on the paper as he snapped his head up to scowl. “Fuck off, horse face.” 

Jean had the nerve to smirk back at him, leaning his head on his knuckles as he pulled himself all the way into the table. His knuckles tapped against the wood, and it was the most irritating thing Eren could remember hearing in a while. “Nah, I think I’m fine here.”

Eren sat up, taking the chair with him and pretending he hadn’t almost fallen face first onto the floor. “I’m serious, Jean. Get out of here.” People turned to look at the loud squeak the cheap chair made on the floor, but he couldn’t have cared less right then. “You’re the one who did this, alright? You made me ruin it!” He gestured to the sketchbook on the table even though it wasn’t what Jean had actually ruined, every bit of irritation from the past week curling up in his stomach. 

“What are you even talking about? Geez, you really are nuts.” Jean rolled his eyes, but Eren saw the way his eye twitched like it always did when he was getting angry. He really wished he didn’t know the asshole well enough to notice things like that. “Sit down. I didn’t ruin anything. I didn’t know you were going to spill your coffee on your painting, dumbass.” Eren knew it was the truth, too. That was what really bothered him. He clenched his fists, glaring when Jean sneered at him. “It’s just a fucking painting, anyway. You could at least answer my texts. I’ve had to talk to you through Armin, and you know I hate that.” 

Eren’s stomach dropped. Something snapped.

It was just a stupid painting. Jean had never understood why Eren was so determined to go to school for art, even if it was in a crappy community college where he wasn’t going to get nearly as many opportunities as an actual art school. It was just a stupid painting, something he spent too much of his time and energy on, something he got too worked up about. Jean didn’t get it. Jean didn’t feel the itching under his skin or the ache in his bones, didn’t see colors and figures and lights he could only make sense of with paint, didn’t know what it was like to have ambitions that didn’t end up some beach house mansion in California and as much money as he could make himself. He didn’t feel his pulse the strongest when he held a brush. Jean didn’t need it like he did. Jean didn’t even know what he needed, didn’t know what it was like to need, to want, to long for, and to not fucking get. 

Jean didn’t know how important one fucking painting was to him, or how much of himself he ended up spilling into it every time he guided paint onto canvas. 

Jean had never had that look in his eyes, the look he’d seen reflected in blue and grey for days. 

“Yeah, I know, it’s just a fucking painting.” The words were vicious, snapped, hissed through clenched teeth. Jean visibly backed off, his eyes wide as he leaned back in his chair and put his hands up in mock surrender. Eren didn’t stop. “It’s always like that for you. You just never got it. This is all I’ve got. This is what I have, and you can’t just fucking… Not everyone is a business major because they want an easy life, Jean. Not everyone can do that.” He saw the way Jean bristled, saw the way he sat up straighter in his seat, even watched as he put his hands on the table and obviously considered getting up, but he went on anyway, his voice raising. People were getting up to watch, some lingering nearby. He ignored them. “That painting took weeks, you asshole. I spent nights awake thinking about it, and I couldn’t get it out of my head, I had to force myself to stay awake during classes because it was all I could think about. Sometimes my hands, they do this thing…” He knew he wasn’t making sense. Eren sucked in a breath and let it out, harsh and determined. “They tingle, or whatever, and the only thing I can do is draw or paint or whatever it is, and until I’m done, I feel like I’m bursting out of my skin. I feel sick to my stomach. When’s the last time you felt like that? Have you ever felt like that?" Eren didn't know what he was looking for when he stared over at Jean, his jaw clenched tightly, his hands shaking against his sides, but he didn't find it. "Obviously not, horse face, so fuck you. You’ll never get it, and when you’re thirty and all you’ve got is money and some stupid office job in the city, I hope you’re happy. You’re such a coward.” The next part was the part he knew he shouldn’t say, but it slipped through his lips anyway. “Marco deserves better than you and you know it, just like you did with Mikasa. Too bad she dumped you first.” 

People around them made noises. Jean’s face went bright red, an interesting mixture of humiliated and enraged, he got to his feet. Eren thought he might swing at him, but instead he stormed away. Eren sat back down, numb and suddenly exhausted. He shoved at the table in front of him, but the squeak it made as it slid an inch forward wasn’t as satisfying as he thought it might be. 

His phone vibrated on the table. He checked it without thinking, watching as everyone went back to eating and stopped caring about him.

_**And that’s why we picked you, brat. That’s why it’s got to be you. You’ve got fire in your eyes and wings on your back.** _

Eren typed out a message back without thinking, his fingers trembling as he hit the keys. He didn’t question where Levi had been standing when he watched everything go down. He didn’t want to know and he didn’t care. 

_**why did u stop texting and when can I see you?** _

It only took a minute before his phone beeped again.

**_Erwin wanted to wait for you to come to us, but I think this counts. See you tonight._ **

Eren didn’t really have much of a choice, even if he did. He flipped through his sketchbook, the knot from before bobbing in his throat. 

All he’d drawn were wings. He ripped the most recent page out, crumpling it up in his fist.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaah thank you for all the continued support!! 
> 
> I've got a ton of this mapped out and planned and a lot of it written, but I actually made a decision that sort of changed things so updates will still be sort of slow while I figure it out. Until then, enjoy this chapter that I'm not so sure about! It features Armin and a ton of Erwin Smith, so at least it's got that going for it?

It was Erwin’s number that texted him later that day, asking if he had his own car and if he would be up to driving to the hotel a bit earlier before they took him out to dinner to talk. Apparently, they’d drive him back to the hotel after, and he could drive himself home if he liked (it was like he knew getting driven back and forth from some random overpriced hotel was going to raise suspicion with his roommates). He’d been halfway through a sketch but sent an affirmative text anyway, and then the only thing left to do was somehow get out with the car and not raise suspicion. That was easier said than done when Armin was the only one in the apartment, settled on the couch with his legs underneath him and his laptop balanced precariously on his lap as he frantically tapped keys and then immediately deleted everything he’d dedicated his time to, and wash, rinse, repeat. There was a stack of books piled on the table in front of him with about a thousand different color-coded note cards stuck in between them, which meant he was buried headfirst in research and paper writing. Eren wondered if he actually had a system or if that one time he’d tried to explain it to him, he’d just done it to mess with him. 

“Armin,” he tried, and what he got was a hum in response, which could either mean Armin was listening to him or too engrossed in his work to listen but knew that someone was attempting to communicate with him. “Hey, I’m going out tonight. You don’t need the car, right?”

Eren crossed his fingers tightly behind his back. Armin’s head bobbed, his eyes unblinking as they focused in on his computer screen. Eren was taking that as a good sign.

“Wait.” He froze on the spot, biting hard on the inside of his cheek. He was wrong, then. The hum and bob of the head had been pre-processing. This was what came after, Armin’s hair falling out of the loose ponytail he’d put it in as his head jerked up, his interest perked. “You’re going out? Where? It’s our movie night.” His lips were curved down, his forehead crinkled with worry. 

Eren’s eyes went wide, his heart plummeting out of his chest. “It is?” He was asking it even as his eyes darted towards the calendar the three of them had pinned to the wall of their makeshift living room, a groan escaping him. Second Friday in November. Second Friday of the month. “Shit, it is! I swear I just wasn’t thinking straight. It was kind of spur of the moment anyway, I’ll go ahead and cancel. They won’t mind.” He wished that statement didn’t come with the sinking disappointment that left a sour, unsavory taste in his mouth. 

Wasn’t he supposed to be relieved? It wasn’t like he wanted to go back there. It wasn’t like he wanted to watch them all over each other again. It wasn’t like he even knew what he wanted out of any of this.

Armin watched him carefully. Eren squirmed under his gaze, and then he was setting the laptop down and bringing his legs up to his chest, a tiny smile on his lips. “You’re seeing someone.” 

Eren choked on air and then coughed it back out. “What? No way! You know I’d tell you!” If that was what it was, he would have said it a week ago. 

Armin shook his head, still smiling. “No, you’re definitely seeing someone. You’ve got that look in your eyes. The one that means you’re interested, but you don’t want to tell us yet because you’re worried we won’t get it the way you do and you don’t want to worry us, but you also don’t want to introduce us until you’re sure about it and you’re not yet. We’re family. That’s how you think.” He chuckled, running a hand through his hair and gathering it with one hand, readying one of the colorful hair ties on his wrist. This one was a peachy pink. “You know we’re going to support you, Eren. And if it’s just something fun, you can tell us that, too.” Armin bit his lip, tucking a stray piece of hair behind his ear. Eren could see from where he was standing that his cheeks were pink, and thought idly that at least it matched his hair tie now. “You know how it works around here. You don’t see either of us getting on Mikasa, right?” 

No judgment, no matter what. He’d been the one to call for it. Armin might ask for a little less detail sometimes, and Mikasa didn’t want either of them with someone who might potentially hurt them, but for the most part they stuck by it. 

For some reason, Eren had a feeling it didn’t extend to this. 

“Yeah? Even Mikasa?” Eren didn’t know why he was going along with it, but it gave him an excuse, and technically it wasn’t completely false. He was seeing someone, if the term seeing was used in the loosest way possible and twisted to mean spending time with two older guys who wanted him to paint them and who he’d heard having sex a week ago when he’d stayed over in their hotel room. 

Armin grinned, reaching back to pat down at his newly contained hair, conjuring a bobby pin out of nowhere (or maybe his pocket, Eren hadn’t been watching). “She’ll take a little longer, but you know she’ll come around. She always does. It’ll take longer if you don’t tell her before it gets serious, though.” That wasn’t meant to make him guilty. If anything, Eren knew it was a warning. 

He’d be right, too, if this were any normal situation. Mikasa wasn’t nearly as bad as he made her out to be sometimes, and she’d gotten more lenient. It probably had something to do with all the times he’d yelled at her for treating him like her kid brother who couldn’t handle himself, and a lot to do with him mellowing out. He wasn’t the same kid picking fights every couple days in high school because he thought it might make him feel better about things, and she didn’t need to trail behind and clean up his messes with Armin. 

This mess he’d gotten himself into this time would probably take more cleaning up than either of them could do for him, anyway. 

Eren sighed. “Yeah. Probably.” He stared down at his feet, trying to pretend the knots in his stomach didn’t mean he was intensely guilty for lying to his best friend and digging himself into a bigger hole. “But look, Arm, it’s a little different than usual, okay? It’s just… Weird. And I don’t really know what I’m doing here.” He was good at understatements, at least. 

He should have been done with a week ago, but telling Armin that now was just going to worry him. 

Armin lips were still turned up when he looked up at him, and there was that knowing glint in his eyes. “It’s okay, Eren. I told you, I know you’ll tell me eventually. If you want some time to figure it out, that’s fine.” Eren let out the breath he hadn’t known he was keeping in, and Armin laughed, shaking his head. “And anyway, I can tell when you’re going to get yourself into a mess and you don’t look like that right now.”

Eren blinked. “I don’t?”

Armin shook his head again, the light hum that left his lips one of endless wisdom and intuition that Eren was never going to understand. “No. You look determined, and stubborn, and you weren’t expecting me to call you out, which means you’ve got it in your head that whatever it is, it’s a good idea. You’re not going to let anyone change your mind. Which means by the time you tell us, you’ll already have done it, and we’ll be able to help you if you need it. No one’s going to stop you now if it’s what you want to do, though.” Armin paused. “Or who.”

“Armin!” Even as he protested Eren was grinning, though, and halfway across the room to give Armin a shove.

“I’m just putting all the possibilities out there,” Armin defended, putting his hands up and grabbing for Eren’s shirt when he went for another nudge, pulling him onto the couch when Eren conceded to his tugging. His thin arms wrapped around Eren’s waist and he pulled him close before gently shoving him away. “Wherever you’re going, go. You don’t want to be late.”

Eren chuckled, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t really think they’ll care, but yeah, I should probably get going.” He hesitated, rubbing a hand over his cheek. “I’m really sorry about movie night, okay? You can pick next time, I’ll forfeit my turn. Tell Mikasa I’m sorry, too.”

He was halfway to the door with the keys in hand when Armin called out to him. “Hey, Eren?” 

“Yeah?”

“Mikasa cancelled on us earlier, something about getting in extra practice. There really was no movie night.” Eren’s eyes widened, but Armin wasn’t even looking at him, his laptop back in his lap as he typed something. “I’ll take your turn, though. We haven’t watched Lord of the Rings in a while.” 

Eren was far too used to it to do anything but laugh after the first spike of irritation, mostly at himself for not seeing it coming. He let Armin’s high-chime giggle guide him out the door. 

 

 

Erwin was waiting for him in the lobby. Eren was almost positive there was more than one set of eyes following them as they walked up the room together, and he tried to pretend it didn’t make his stomach lurch and heat crawl up to his neck, stopping only when it reached his ears. It wasn’t difficult to imagine what they were thinking. If he was watching from the outside, what would he think if some rich business couple came into town, reserved the honeymoon suite and then brought some college kid up every once and a while? Especially if both times happened to be on Friday nights? Eren wondered if it was strange to wish he’d had a breakdown and a lapse in judgment in the middle of the week when the place was less crowded, or at least less full of pompous assholes who had nothing better to do than crane their necks and follow with their eyes as the two of them shuffled out of the elevator and down the hall. 

What was wrong with them, anyway? Didn’t they have anything better to do? Eren scowled at one lady who decided to peek her neck around the corner, satisfied when she ducked back. 

“Are you embarrassed to be seen with an old man like me?” Erwin teased after he’d swiped his room card and let them both in, the mirth in his tone making it clear that he’d noticed where Eren’s attention had been.

Eren sputtered. “What? No!” His cheeks were bright pink when he realized how fast that denial had come, and it didn’t help that Erwin’s chuckle sounded like honey and melted just as easy when it poured from his lips.

He wasn’t going to say that he’d been thinking the opposite, and that really it was Erwin and Levi who he’d thought might be embarrassed to be seen with him. They were the ones with the fancy suits and the corporate jobs, and he had a feeling they were in the public eye more than they let on. It wasn’t like he was anything special, and he wasn’t even wearing his nice pair of jeans. The ones he was wearing had holes in them and were faded from extensive wear (he couldn’t actually remember when he’d bought them), but Erwin had sworn that they weren’t going anywhere fancy. He’d figured a sweatshirt would be fine, the Trost Titans proudly displayed on the back.

Erwin was wearing a suit again. Eren didn’t have to look to know it was some designer brand, something he couldn’t afford if he skipped out on his share of rent two months in a row and stopped eating. He couldn’t even manage a glare as Erwin stepped into the room and walked over to the chair he’d taken last time, his eyes following his form as he moved, watching as his muscles tensed and relaxed as he discarded his jacket. Eren hadn’t been around him for extended periods of time, but every time he had, it worked the same; when he was in the room, with the exception of Levi, he commanded all of the attention. There was no taking his eyes off of him, and Eren couldn’t help comparing it to something Armin had said once about the sun. Humans would always want to look directly into it, even if they knew it might burn their eyes out. It was too much of a draw. Kind of like putting your hand to the fire and knowing you’d get burned, but possibly less stupid. 

He was just hoping his eyes didn’t get burned out too soon. Or maybe it would be a good thing, if it would get the images out of his head. Eren settled on the couch off to the side of the room but still close enough to Erwin, grateful that it was angled slightly away from the bed. He didn’t think he could look at it, and he tried something Mikasa had taught him once, counting backwards from ten and thinking about anything else except heated whispers and pale flesh against tan, something he’d never actually seen in the first place. 

Armin was probably wrong. He was getting himself into a mess, and he couldn’t stop. 

“Do you play sports?” 

Eren wondered if he was ever going to know exactly where these conversations were going. He raised both eyebrows. “Uh, no?”

Erwin’s smile was patient. “Your sweatshirt. It says ‘Trost Football’.”

Eren felt the embarrassed heat crawling back up his neck and scratched at his cheek, shrugging as he brought his legs closer in. “Oh. No, I don’t play.” He fiddled with the fabric of the hoodie, shoving one hand in the pocket. “My friends Reiner and Bert do, though, so sometimes I go watch the games. Cheer them on or whatever.” He paused. “I used to do martial arts, but I quit after high school.”

“Oh?” One thick eyebrow raised as Erwin leaned in, as if it might actually help him hear. He hummed, and Eren wished the sound didn’t do things to him, didn’t stir up the heat from a week before, didn’t make him think of fevered groans and grunts. “Levi knows quite a bit of hand to hand combat himself. What made you stop?”

Eren looked away. The reason for it didn’t exactly bring back his fondest of memories or his proudest of moments, but it was what it was. “I didn’t really want to. They said I was too aggressive and I tried to tell them that was the point and they said I should look somewhere else for lessons. Besides, it was always more my sister’s thing.” He couldn’t help grinning when he thought of Mikasa on a mat when she got into it. “She’s a beast, competes for real and everything. I guess it just wasn’t for me, but it’s still fun to spar sometimes.” He didn’t know why he said it, or why it felt like it was alright to say in the first place. 

Erwin didn’t seem surprised, but the amused smile on his lips confused the hell out of Eren, because he wasn’t entirely sure if it irritated him or not. “Too aggressive? That almost sounds like something Levi might have to deal with.” 

Eren didn’t doubt that one. It made him realize something. “Where is Levi, anyway?”

Erwin nodded, and Eren had a feeling he was supposed to ask that question. He wished it annoyed him more than it made his stomach flutter. “Levi’s grading some papers, actually, and he’ll be here a little later. I was hoping we could talk just the two of us, Eren.” 

Eren swallowed the lump in his throat as he fidgeted on the couch. His legs felt too long and he didn’t know what to do with them all of a sudden, so he tucked them under himself. “Oh. Yeah, okay. Sure.” 

He watched Erwin’s lips as they curled, something calming about it like there had been when they’d first met at the Starbucks. He folded his hands in his lap and shook his head. “It’s nothing to be nervous about, Eren. Actually, this isn’t the way I wanted to go about it at all. I should have offered you a drink first, let you relax. Can I get you something now?”

“I’m underage,” Eren found himself blurting out, and then immediately regretting it. Like Erwin needed a reminder that he was easily half his age. 

Erwin only chuckled. “I meant something non-alcoholic, Eren. Water? Soda? Juice? Don’t tell Levi I told you this, but he’s got this fondness for watered down apple juice with cranberry and not nearly as much alcohol as he wants you to believe. I’m not sure why, but it always calms him down.” 

Eren stifled a snort at that one and pretended it didn’t make him happy to know something new about Levi, shaking his head. “I’m fine.” His throat felt dry, though, and swallowing was difficult, but admitting it was even worse. He sat with his back completely straight, ignoring how tense his shoulders had gotten.

Erwin sighed. He got up from the chair and moved across the room. Eren thought it was to pour himself a drink, but he stood with his back to Eren instead, nowhere near the fridge. When he made his way toward it, he didn’t seem to know what he was looking for anyway. “Do you want me to be blunt, Eren?”

He’d never been asked that question before. He clenched one of his fists tightly in the fabric of the couch, nodding. “Yeah. That’d be nice.” 

Erwin’s back was still turned to him. He didn’t say anything for a good minute, and Eren felt irritation and impatience settling into his stomach. Erwin spoke before he could say anything about it, though.

“I know you were awake the other night.” 

It set in slow, but it set in. 

Eren suddenly felt sick, but the urge to vomit all over the plush carpeting was overwhelmed by the urge to get the hell out of there. 

He was on his feet before he realized he was, halfway to the door, but Erwin was suddenly there, large and imposing, as solid as he looked, his arm held out in front of him as if he’d expected this exact reaction. “Hold on a second, Eren. Can you let me explain?” He held up a hand, and Eren hated that he sounded so calm about it, as if he hadn’t played Eren like some kind of wind up doll and then expected him to come right back when he wanted to play some more. 

Why had he? 

Eren was having a hard time making words, but the grunt he gave as he shoved against Erwin’s arm hopefully expressed what he needed to. The fire was back in the pit of his stomach, and it wasn’t letting him go this time. “What are you even going to explain? You did it while I was in the room! That’s just…” Eren shook his head, at a complete loss of what it was. His stomach was still churning, his heart still sunk and pounding. He couldn’t keep his voice from raising, and it only spurred him on more when he heard how strained it sounded. “And you talked about me! Look, if you want me for some weird sex thing, I’m not into it, okay?” He hesitated, his face hot, and he hoped it just looked like anger. “I told you I’d leave if it was going to get in the way of you two, you should have just let me go!” 

Bile rose up in Eren’s throat as he remembered the noises they’d made together, the words they’d whispered to each other as the bedsprings creaked. It wasn’t fair. 

The impassive look on Erwin’s face made him want to punch something. He settled for another shove, practically snarling when it didn’t get him anywhere. Erwin didn’t even flinch. “Eren, please calm down. Just give me a few minutes.” Erwin’s expression was calm, but his words were imploring, gentle, low. He wasn’t demanding anything, and it didn’t even sound like he expected much. He was laying everything out for Eren, and he wished it didn’t sound genuine. He wished the sympathetic, understanding look in Erwin’s eyes didn’t make him want to listen and calm as much as it made him want to storm out, raise his fists, yell until his throat was sore. 

_“He doesn’t know all the bad, horrible things you’ve done,”_ Levi’s voice purred into his ear, far away and whispered, not for him to hear. He forced it away. 

Eren’s arms crossed over his chest, and he swallowed down the bitter taste and the anger and the disgust like a pill. Every instinct was telling him that he should walk out the door and forget this whole thing had ever happened. He should leave them to whatever weird not-marital problems they had, let them explore the world together and be bored and keep that lost look in their eyes that made Eren’s heart ache for no reason at all. He shouldn’t care who they were or why they cared about him. He shouldn’t want to find a reason to stay. 

It shouldn’t hurt to think that he’d never see someone look at his work like they had that day at Starbucks. Like they got it, with every fiber of their being. Like there was absolutely nothing in the world that separated him and them.

Like they knew why he needed wings, too.

“Fine,” he said, through his teeth. 

Erwin let out a breath. “I didn’t know you were awake while it was happening.” Eren must have looked skeptical, because his lips quirked up and he shook his head, his back firmly against the door to the room. He was looking Eren straight in the eyes, and Eren hated himself for wondering if he’d ever seen a brighter shade of baby blue. “I know it seems hard to believe, but I’m not lying, Eren. What we did wasn’t wise, and I realize we weren’t exactly…” He paused. Eren knew how this went by now. He wondered if Erwin Smith was ever completely open, anything but diplomatic, anything but pragmatism and charisma at its finest. “Quiet,” he decided on.

Eren’s eyebrows furrowed as he made a face. “I’m pretty sure the people next door heard,” he mumbled.

Erwin’s smile was all wry amusement. “No, they didn’t. The walls are soundproof.” At Eren’s scowl, he continued. “I’m sorry. This isn’t how I meant for this to go.”

“What did you think would happen? That I’d be totally okay with it?” Eren shoved his hands in his pockets to keep himself from doing anything he might regret, but the itch was still there. He shifted from one foot to the other, his teeth still grinding together.

“No,” Erwin said. “I thought I’d be able to explain it better. I wanted to be more tactful about it. To be honest, I was going to bring it up with Levi, but I’m not even sure Levi is aware.” Eren raised an eyebrow, and Erwin chuckled. “Levi forgets what’s happening around him when he’s… involved.”

Involved. Like they hadn’t been having sex while he was sleeping on the other side of the room on a cot. He forced a breath out through his teeth. “How’d you even know, then? If you didn’t know when it happened?”

Erwin’s lips curled. “Eren, you were rather obvious about it the morning after, and you just confirmed it. It’s why I told Levi we needed to give you space.”

That was where the radio silence had come from, then. Erwin had figured it out and he’d wanted to give him time. He’d wanted Eren to come to them instead of the other way around. 

Eren’s hands clenched and unclenched in his pocket, because it gave him less of a reason to be angry, but it also gave him a reason to stay and listen, and he didn’t know which he wanted more. “Well, I’m here.” He stared at the door past Erwin’s head instead of Erwin, his shrug aggressive. “So now what?” 

“Now the ball’s in your court and you can play it however you want,” Erwin answered simply, and moved across the room again, settling in the chair he had a week ago and crossing his legs. “You know the facts. Levi and I are together, we have been for a while, and we’re likely only in town for a short while. We’d like you to paint us, and we’ll give you both compensation and recognition in return, as well as a full explanation once we know we can trust you. We’d like your company while we’re here, something that’s separate from the first part of the arrangement but also connected.” He paused, and Eren held his breath, because Erwin’s lips had twitched. “And we’re both attracted to you. That last part is completely unrelated to anything.” 

Eren felt hot all over, and he squirmed where he stood. “Unrelated? What does that even mean?” He wanted to sound irritated, but it came out breathless.

“It means that it has nothing to do with anything I said before it and doesn’t change the facts. But I’m not going to lie to you, Eren, and since you already know, it’s something I’m going to tell you.” He shrugged his shoulders, folding his hands in his lap. “He won’t tell you this himself, but Levi and I love each other. We’ve been together for years. We don’t pretend that we’re not attracted to other people anymore, and this isn’t the first time we’ve admitted it.” 

Eren blinked, needing to support himself on the frame of the door, his heart pounding in his chest. “Are you always this honest?”

Erwin’s lips curled up again. “Yes. You asked me to be blunt with you, Eren, so I have no problem with telling you that I don’t consider myself a nice person, or a particularly good one, but that I will never lie to you.” He shook his head. “Lies are messy. Levi doesn’t like messes.” 

And wasn’t that telling? 

It struck him then that Erwin was right, though. If they were being honest, and some gut feeling, some stupid intuition that usually led him in the right direction did, they’d never jerked him around, at least not for long. Levi had told him right in that Starbucks that they were going to use him like some sort of human guinea pig, and at dinner, Erwin had told him that he wanted him to test their relationship, to watch them and give them an opinion or something. It had always been clear from the beginning that no matter how interesting they were or how interested they were in him, they would be leaving, and it might be soon. 

Eren took a breath. “Why me?” 

“Excuse me?” Apparently he’d surprised Erwin, though he didn’t know why. Thick blond eyebrows were pulled up to his hairline.

“Levi kind of told me, but I guess I want to hear it from you. You said you’re interested in me, and I guess I know why you want me to paint you, and I get that you need me to know you to paint you, but there has to be some other reason, right?” 

Erwin hesitated, then rose to his feet. Eren felt his pulse race. Erwin was right in front of him before he spoke again. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I’m not entirely sure why we do what we do anymore. I don’t know why we’re here, specifically, and Levi wouldn’t be able to tell you either. I don’t know what it was that made me buy your coffee at Starbucks, but it wasn’t simple kindness, because I know myself better than that. But I will tell you that when you sat down and talked about your art, Levi and I both thought the same thing.”

Eren knew he was playing into it. Somehow, he knew this was it. “What thing?” 

“We want you,” Erwin said, and it sounded like the simplest thing in the world. Eren swallowed. “You, specifically.” 

Eren was right.

Something was caught in his throat, and he forced it out. “So, ball’s in my court, right?”

Erwin nodded, his face perfectly composed as he watched him. “Completely.” 

Eren wanted to see the mask break. “And if I walk out right now, and go home, and don’t come back?” 

Erwin shrugged. “We’ll let you. We’ll erase your number from our phone. If you happen to be in one of Levi’s classes for whatever reason, you’ll only be a student to him. And if you decide you want to come back later, that would be fine, too, as long as we’re still here.” 

It was the ache that came with that notion that made him realize it. “And if I stay?”

Erwin smiled. “Then we’ll be happy to have you along for the ride.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had this written but I decided to edit it and I don't even know if it makes sense. I have a really bad migraine but I wanted to get this chapter out and I still don't know how I feel about it. Don't look at me.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy it, though, and thank you for all the continued support. It means the world to me. <3

Even though he had a choice (and Erwin had made it abundantly clear that he did), it didn’t really feel like it. Eren knew that had everything to do with him being a little out of his mind and less to do with the actual situation, though, and he didn’t know exactly when he’d come to terms with that. 

Probably a long time ago, if he was being honest with himself. Armin had pointed it out enough times, anyway. 

Erwin and Levi kept talking about the whole thing like it was inevitable for them, like Eren was some physical force that had drawn them in, like, for whatever reason, they were stuck with him now, at least for however long they were around to be stuck. There was a draw there, definitely, some weird string connecting them together. Eren didn’t usually think in metaphors, but in this case it was the only way he could describe it. He could either tug at the string until it came loose on his end, or he could follow it instead of fighting it. 

He’d done a lot of fighting in his life. It was what he did best, honestly. When it came to this, though, it didn’t feel like it was worth the struggle. Or maybe there just wasn’t anything to struggle against. 

He ended up on the couch again before he’d actually registered himself sitting down, and then Erwin was pouring him a glass of Coke with ice and pulling the chair closer to sit across from him. “I ordered soda up to the room, just in case,” Erwin commented as he set the glass in his hands, and Eren hoped he’d shivered because of the chill and not because Erwin’s hand had grazed his for that split second. “Levi absolutely hates soda. I think he has some sort of grudge against it.” 

“Does he have a lot of those?” Eren asked. He was being sarcastic, or trying to be, but Erwin laughed anyway, nodding.

“Too many. I’ve tried to break him of a few, but he’s stubborn about it.” 

The reminder was light, but it was still there. They’d talked to him for hours about who they were and what they did, and he still felt like he didn’t know anything. Levi held his cups the wrong way and Erwin sat perfectly straight in his chair, his chin tilted up, his shoulders squared, but then he crossed his legs and somehow managed to look like the picture of ease. 

And Eren wanted to know why. 

“How did you and Levi meet?” The words bubbled up from his lips before he had time to think about them, but Eren wasn’t going to take them back. He sat forward until he was balanced on the end of the couch, his drink on the floor, his hands gripping onto either side of it. “I know it was while you were still with your wife or whatever, but what about him? You don’t need to tell me the whole story, but you said you’d answer my questions and you never answered that one.” 

Erwin leaned back in his own chair, almost like he was putting space between the two of them. “Why are you asking?”

Eren didn’t know what the severe tone was for until he did, didn’t know why Erwin’s jaw had clenched until he remembered. Levi had been seventeen when he’d met Erwin, Erwin who had a wife. A pregnant wife. Erwin who wouldn’t talk about his wife now, Erwin who had apparently fucked Levi on the side. And what was he to them? Nineteen, barely legal, some college kid they’d picked up at a Starbucks. 

Erwin had said he wanted him, and Eren didn’t know a whole lot about that, but he was used to people meaning it with some kind of ulterior motive. 

“I need to make something clear to you, Eren, in case it wasn’t before.” There was no anger in Erwin’s tone, no outward signs of malice, but his words were deliberately slow, and he waited until he caught Eren’s gaze. He was looking right through him, then, straight _into_ him, and every word he spoke burned itself into Eren’s skin, demanding his absolute attention, making him perfectly aware that it wasn’t to stray anywhere else. He was commanding it. “There are very few things I’m _not_ willing to do, but one of them is hurt Levi. It doesn’t matter how much I want something,” he paused, shook his head, and his lips quirked up as he corrected himself, “It doesn’t matter how much I feel I need something. The absolute last thing I will ever do is hurt him, and if the time ever comes where I need to, I’ll take myself down with him. If you think even for a second that my intention is to hurt him with you, you’re absolutely wrong. This is nothing like what it was with him, and it wouldn’t be even if it had the potential to be.” 

Eren had heard it in Levi’s voice before, but he hadn’t known what it was. He hadn’t been able to put a name to it. He could now, though. He could see it in Erwin’s eyes, and he could feel it in every word he spoke. It was making him ache all over again, that stupid part of him clenching with longing he didn’t have any right to feel.

Devotion. Absolute devotion. Erwin continued.

“I was taught to play my life like a game, and I have. I’ve used people as my pawns and I’ve had them fall in the process.” His legs uncrossed, and he was still looking Eren dead in the eye when he set his hands in his lap, calmly folded. “But he’s the single casualty I won’t stand for. He could wreck me, Eren.” Erwin chuckled, leaning his head back against the chair, his eyes wandering for just a moment. “Oh, he could _ruin_ me, and he knows it. But I absolutely refuse to do the same to him, and that’s where we stand right now.”

Eren’s hands were gripped tight enough on the couch that he could feel his knuckles protesting. He stared straight ahead, trying to convince himself that Erwin’s eyes didn’t pin him to the back of his seat the second they turned on him again. “So what does that make me?” he asked, and he could hear the bitterness in his own tone, but he pushed through it, letting it make his words sharp. He scowled. “I’m a pawn to you guys, or what? You’re going to play me and then drop me?” 

Erwin smiled.

It pissed him off that it was still charming. It pissed him off that it made his stomach jump a little, that he was still wondering how Erwin managed to get his teeth so white. It made him sick to think about how many people had fallen for it, and how lost they’d gotten once he actually opened his mouth up and those smooth words had slipped out, lilted and eloquent in all the right places. 

It made him sick to think that it didn’t actually bother him, not right then, because some part of him trusted Erwin, and someone else had probably regretted that choice, because at least some of those smiles weren’t genuine, and there was no real way to tell if the one he was looking at was, either. 

“No,” Erwin answered, and he was leaning forward again, that stupid smile still on his lips, and Eren’s eyebrows furrowed. “But do you know why?” 

Eren’s fists clenched, finally letting go of the couch, but he shook his head.

“Because pawns are expendable.” Eren blinked, and Erwin’s smile turned twisted. Something twisted in Eren’s gut, too, hot and unwanted, crawling up inside of him. “That’s their purpose, isn’t it? To make way for the more important pieces. They’re a necessary part of the plan. No one thinks twice about disregarding those they don’t have any need for, but that’s not the dangerous part. It’s what we want that’s the problem.” Erwin tapped at the arm of the chair, and Eren tried to breathe. “No one remembers pawns, not even the best of them. When you lose enough, Eren, loss becomes a concept. You’re not even sure what you’re losing anymore. You grasp for what you need and you don’t question it, and then suddenly you’re not thinking in terms of names and faces anymore. You’ve forgotten why they matter. You can ruin whole lives like that, by refusing to see people as people.” Erwin hummed, a self-depreciating grin slipping onto his lips. “Trust me, I have experience.” 

Eren couldn’t wrap his head around it. He’d lost plenty, but he was sure it was never going to shake him up like that. People were still people. Jean was an asshole. Jean had ripped him open when he’d already been half there, Jean had spit on his heart and then stomped on it and fucked his sister while he was at it, but he was still a person. He still laughed at his own jokes and watched re-runs of the _Family Feud_ and gave himself dumb nicknames and poured the cereal before the milk. 

What did it take to get to where Erwin was? What did it take until the cereal and the milk didn’t even matter?

He tried to combine the Erwin he’d first met at Starbucks, the Erwin who had bought his coffee, the Erwin who had invited him over to his table, the Erwin who had asked to see his work, but he couldn’t. The Erwin in front of him with the broken grin wasn’t something he could reconcile. This Erwin who had ruined lives, who had used people because he felt like it, who had admitted to being selfish. 

But he was being honest, and he was letting Eren see, and something caught in his throat and got stuck there when he realized that. Erwin kept talking.

“You forget pawns. It doesn’t feel like a loss when one of them falls out of play.” Erwin nodded, and then he was standing. Eren felt his heart hammer in his chest when he came closer, closing the distance. “You’re not a pawn, Eren.”

He wasn’t expendable.

He tried to think of the handful of people who thought of him that way, then realized it probably wasn’t even a handful. He could still count the on one hand if he was down a few fingers. Mikasa and Armin, and maybe not even them. Armin was smarter than anyone he knew, could probably get himself anywhere with the right amount of drive. He could leave them anytime he wanted, stop paying more than his share of the rent and stop cleaning up Eren’s messes. Mikasa looked at him like he was the world sometimes, but she had her own world and she didn’t even realize it. If she wanted, she could leave, too, and she wouldn’t be losing a whole lot. Maybe she’d even sleep more. Maybe she’d stop being ashamed of having things that he didn’t just because he didn’t and start doing more for herself because she deserved it. 

But Erwin wasn’t looking at him like that. It wasn’t undeserved worship for something he’d never actually done, and it wasn’t pity. It wasn’t even Armin’s fond exasperation. It was something else entirely. 

Eren wanted to push it away. 

“I don’t think that’s you.” It came out as a whisper, and his voice sounded hoarser than he should. He told himself it had something to do with screaming at Jean earlier. “I think you think it is, but it’s not. Because if it was, you wouldn’t be able to tell me about it like that, right? And if you really forgot about pawns, you wouldn’t be talking about them right now.” 

Erwin’s lips were still curled up, and he hovered over the couch Eren was sitting on, his shoulders blocking the view to the doorway. Eren still heard the door open, but he didn’t try and turn his head. 

“And you don’t know me.” Eren’s mouth was dry, something pricking in his eyes as he stared up, forcing the words out before he lost the courage to. “You really don’t. You don’t know anything about me, not really, so you can’t say any of that stuff you just said.” 

Erwin shook his head. “You’re right. I don’t know you, not the way I’d like to. But that doesn’t mean I’m not right.” He offered Eren one of those breathtaking smiles, and then he was turning his head away, his gaze still on Eren but his body turned. “Hello, Levi.” 

Levi snorted, most of his body hidden behind plastic bags. When Erwin stepped away to help and set them down on the opposite side of the room where the table was, apparently understanding what Levi wanted without asking, Eren recognized a couple of the names on them. They were from local takeout places. He was pretty sure they had a menu for one of them on their fridge. 

“Whatever he thinks he’s right about, brat, he probably is. It’s annoying as fuck but you get used to it.” Levi still had a couple of bags in his hands as he walked over to the couch he was sitting on, and he carefully dropped them on the floor in front of Eren’s feet before plopping on the couch next to him. His movements were still unfairly graceful and he draped his arm over the back. “It’s when he’s wrong that you get to have the real fun, though.” 

“Are we eating in?” Erwin’s voice was suddenly light again, amused as he rifled through the bags and took out some of the boxes. “I thought we agreed to make a reservation.”

“We did, and then there was a change of plans.” Levi shrugged. “We’re having a working dinner.”

Erwin raised his eyebrows at that, his hand still in one of the bags. “No one called me and I’m positive I kept my ringer on. Shouldn’t I know if something came up?”

“Don’t be an idiot. If it was that kind of work we’d be getting the fuck out of here. Different kind of working dinner.”

Eren had finally looked down at the bags Levi had set at his feet. 

He recognized the symbol on the front, but he couldn’t figure out where or why. It definitely wasn’t a food place. When he noticed what was sticking out of it, though, he had his answer.

“These bags are from the art supplies store down the street,” he said, not entirely sure if Erwin and Levi were still talking. 

“Good work, Sherlock. Now are you going to open them or are you going to sit there and stare? I need to know if I need to return any of this shit.” That was Levi, and he was leaning down to pick things out of the bags himself, including the sketchbook he’d seen peeking out. He flipped it open and spread it out on his knee. “Do you know how many kinds of these there are? I didn’t know which ones you used, so I got the most expensive ones.”

“Not those,” Eren said, more automatically than anything, staring over at it and trying to let it sink in. “They’re like, half my rent and I don’t even think they’re that different from the cheap ones.” 

Levi smirked. “Yeah, I figured. But at least you’ll look like you know what the fuck you’re doing, right?” He set the sketchbook down on the couch, clearly shoving it towards him. “That’s got to be worth something.” 

There were brand new pencils and brushes in one of the bags, and he ran his hand over one or two of them, his breath hitching. They were perfect. His brushes were getting worn down and unusable, but he couldn’t afford new ones so he hadn’t even considered it. These were exactly the kind of ones he’d pick out for himself if he could, though, and even if there weren’t, there were enough in the bag that he could at least find something to work with. If Levi didn’t know anything about this stuff, he at least knew how to guess. 

It was the paints that got his attention, though. 

“Holy shit!” Eren’s jaw actually dropped as he stared down into the bag, then up at Levi, then back to the bag. Levi stared back, his own face impassive. “What did you do, buy the whole store? These things cost a fortune! I never get this stuff!” 

Levi shrugged, standing up to cross the room and glance over his shoulder now that he was apparently satisfied with Eren’s reaction. “Might as well have. I know nothing about this shit, so I kind of just pointed and guessed. The guy working there was a dumbass and I don’t think he could find you what you wanted if it was sticking out of his own ass.” 

Erwin seemed completely unfazed by the whole thing, and when Levi walked over, he was still opening boxes. “You bought Indian? I thought you hated the stuff.” 

“I do, it makes me fucking constipated,” Levi muttered. “But there are worse things than not being able to take a good shit, and I figured the kid would like it.” 

Eren couldn’t watch them, though, too caught up in staring at the vibrant paints he had in his hands. He turned them over and over, trying to see if they were real and solid, but they were. God, they must have cost a fortune, but they were beautiful. His brain was already getting ahead of him and he shouldn’t let it, but if he spread them on a canvas the right way, he could probably make something that he was actually proud of. 

He could probably stop feeling so goddamn expendable. 

“I can’t pay you back for this.” When he looked up, they were both staring at him. Levi looked irked, but Erwin just looked amused. “I’m serious, I can’t. I’m working, like, two and a half jobs and I can still barely pay my part of the rent because of all the shit we spend money on, and I have to put gas in my car and there’s classes to pay for and the art stuff I already have and food and a bunch of other stuff, and Armin’s already paying way more than he should with his grandfather’s money which is really unfair and I’m secretly helping my sister pay for her karate classes and there’s no way I’m telling her that and I don’t know when I’m going to have extra…”

Levi’s arms were folded over his chest when Eren caught his breath. “Hey, brat, are you done, or are you going to try and set a record for verbal diarrhea? You’re really good at it, maybe you should quit the whole art thing.” 

Eren tried to be irritated, but all he managed to do was gape. “I just told you I can’t pay you back,” he pointed out.

“And you’re an idiot, are we going to stop pointing out the obvious? I’m fucking starved.” When Eren could only stare, he sighed. “Obviously you don’t have to pay me back, or I wouldn’t have bought it. I talked to Pixis. Old guy, bald?”

“The head of the art department, yeah,” Eren answered, still lagging behind. “Why would you talk to him? And what does that even have to do with anything?” 

Erwin chuckled, drawing Eren’s attention. “How many eggrolls did you buy, Levi?” he asked, which was completely unrelated to anything they were talking about and made Eren’s blood boil, the space between his eyebrows pulled tightly together. 

“Fuck off, you know I love them. You’re jealous I want to put them in my mouth more than you.”

“Now that’s just a lie, sweetheart. I thought we agreed not to do that.”

Levi flipped him the bird before actually turning his attention back to Eren. “It’s not that surprising, you know. We want you to paint us, remember? It makes sense to talk to your art professor. We’re practically all shoved in the same building anyway, the campus is so fucking small.” He turned his head toward Erwin, dark hair falling into his face in a way that Eren didn’t want to see as attractive but did anyway. “By the way, Erwin lied about his age.”

His mouth opened, and then promptly closed. He probably looked like a dying fish and he couldn’t even help it. 

Eren blinked. “Wait, what?” 

“I didn’t lie. I recently had a birthday,” Erwin clarified.

“Before we met him,” Levi pointed out, slapping Erwin’s hand away from an egg roll and setting it on one of the plates. 

He had a fork and knife in hand. Eren was pretty sure no one on the planet ate an egg roll with a fork and a knife. 

“So it was a white lie.”

“It was still a fucking lie, old man. Don’t bend over, no one wants to listen to your hips crack.” 

“I’ll remember that tonight.” 

Eren was starting to realize he was never going to be able to keep up, and the answer to when he was going to stop feeling like he had a bad case of whiplash whenever he was out of a conversation with the two of them was a resounding never. 

Even if Armin had at this, no one was going to make any sense of it, and maybe that was what made his stomach lurch. 

“Listen.” Levi had taken a bite of egg roll, but he seemed finished now, because he was crossing the room again. Faster than Eren thought possible, he was leaning right over him, one leg up on the arm of the couch, grey eyes intense and hard as they stared down at him. Eren couldn’t help thinking he probably liked the advantage he had at the moment. “I know about your show next week, and obviously I know about the ruined painting or we wouldn’t be here right now. The point is, you need to get it done before next Thursday and I wanted to help, so I did and here we are. You’ve got two options right now. You can either take it and use it for what it is, and it doesn’t matter if you’re grateful, I don’t give two shits, or you can turn it down because you’re proud and you’re worried about not paying me back. One of those options is really fucking stupid, and if that’s who you are, you can march your cute little ass out of here right now.” 

Eren’s breath caught again for more than one reason. He was starting to wonder if it was healthy. Levi stayed leaned over him, staring him dead in the face, his expression as blank as it usually was. 

“It’s not a pity favor, and that’s what makes the difference.” Every word was certain, but it was said so simply that Eren wondered what was actually behind it. “I’m not doing this because I feel bad for you, I’m doing it because you can do this and I’m not going to let you fuck it up for yourself because you can’t buy supplies. If you can’t do it from there, the rest is on you. I get it, kid. You want to pull yourself up, but if you don’t have a shove first you’re never going to get anywhere, so take it where you can get it because it doesn’t come often and it’s not coming twice.” 

Eren found he couldn’t do anything but nod dumbly, not when Levi was looking at him like that. He was blank-faced, but somehow Eren knew he wasn’t. Whatever it was he was talking about, it was personal. 

He wanted to know what it was. 

That stupid burning ache was back, and Eren felt it even as he reached for the sketchbook Levi had dropped on the couch before, grasping blindly so he could keep their gazes locked, Levi’s eyes flashing with something he didn’t recognize. “Thanks,” he muttered.

Levi’s lips twitched. “Don’t thank me, just do whatever it is you’re supposed to be doing.” He pushed away from the couch with his leg, turning back to look over his shoulder when he was halfway back to the table. “Oi, brat?” 

“Yeah?” It sounded breathy. Eren coughed into his arm to disguise it, hating himself a little. “What?”

“Don’t make me regret it.” 

Something made Eren think he wasn’t just talking about the supplies he’d bought, but he nodded, not able to find his voice. 

He wasn’t expendable. He wasn't some stupid plaything, something they'd picked up at a Starbucks like a stray and took in because they felt sorry for him and his ratty sweatshirts and his lackluster excuse for a college education. 

If he was, why would Levi had bothered with any of it? For all he knew, Eren had his own supplies at home, and he did. Sort of. Not the best of supplies, but enough to get him through it. And if he wasn’t something they were toying with, why would either of them bother to be honest with him? Why would they have waited for him to come to them, and why would Levi have texted him right after that fight if he wasn’t serious about whatever it was he thought he saw? They didn’t know them, but maybe they could. And maybe he could know them, too. Maybe he could find out why Levi used a fork and knife for everything, or why Erwin thought whatever stupid wall he’d built up for himself was all he had left.

Maybe he’d know why Levi liked egg rolls and Erwin’s favorite was spicy curry. 

Eren couldn’t focus on drawing, not when he was thinking about that. Not when he was thinking about not letting them down, like he had anything to prove to them.

He didn’t. He knew he didn’t, but that didn’t make the urge go away, and it didn’t have him any more productive by the time he realized he should probably get back. All his sketches were wings, and when they weren’t, they started to look a whole lot like Erwin and Levi, and that should have frustrated him more than it did. 

Levi had let him eat on the couch, threatening that if he got any grease anywhere, or even so much as thought of wiping his hands off on a pillow, he’d be the one scrubbing it until it looked brand new. He took the threat seriously, only because he sucked at cleaning and he’d be there forever, and apparently it was something he was serious about. Levi and Erwin ate over at the table, but didn’t actually talk that much. When they were finished, Erwin had opened up his laptop and started doing whatever it was he did, and Levi had settled on the chair Erwin had abandoned earlier, a book in hand and reading glasses perched on the bridge of his nose.

Eren didn’t want to leave. 

He stopped Erwin at the door. “Hey.” The older man was shoving leftovers into his hands, telling him to take it home to his sister and his friend, but he’d cut him off. “If I’m not a pawn, what am I?”

Erwin gave him one of those charming smiles, setting a hand on his shoulder. “Why don’t you find out, Eren?” 

Eren had to sit in his car for a full five minutes before he could get himself to drive home. His entire car smelled like Indian food.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter that I wasn't going to post this early, but I wanted to get it out there! Things heat up a little in this chapter. There is also more food, which is always great. 
> 
> Seriously, though, thank you so much for all the continued support! It means a ton to me. If you ever have any critique or just want to chat, hit me up at erenjaegerwa on tumblr. I'd be more than happy to!

By Sunday, Eren had lost whatever part of his mind he still had left.

He’d slept an astonishing four point five hours in two days, had gone through several pots of tasteless coffee and all of the energy drinks in the fridge, and had at one point gotten so frustrated that he’d actually thrown a paintbrush out the window. 

Armin had laughed at that one. He’d said some not so nice things in return, which had only made him laugh harder as he apologized and giggled into the sleeve of his oversized sweater. Mikasa, who had been mysteriously missing all of Friday night and most of Saturday (he was giving himself two guesses as to where, but the first one didn’t count), had popped up out of nowhere to tell him that he probably needed to calm down, and he’d thrown something at her in response. 

It was a pillow, though, so it was okay. It would take the fridge to take Mikasa down.

He wasn’t any closer to making any sort of progress on a new painting, but he was a whole lot closer to pulling all of his hair out and maybe have some sort of mental breakdown. He’d sat himself down on their shared bed and sketched for hours, sketched until his hands were shaking too hard from the caffeine and the exhaustion to actually hold the pencil right and Armin had kicked him out to get some sleep, but it hadn’t done him any good. 

Then he’d decided he might as well just splatter some paint onto canvas and see where it got him, but that was about as stupid of an idea as it sounded and it was exactly why he hadn’t mentioned to Armin that he was doing it. It got him a wasted canvas. He wasn’t Pablo fucking Picasso and he wasn’t going to turn into him anytime soon. Who even came up with cubism, anyway? What was the point of it? He couldn’t just paint a bunch of triangles and call it art. Or maybe he could, but not without being called out for being a pretentious douchebag. 

“I don’t think they’re that bad,” Armin had commented when he’d walked into the room on Saturday night, clad in Eren’s _Avengers_ shirt and his Mickey Mouse pajama pants. His hair was pulled back in a ponytail again and it got on Eren’s nerves because it looked great on him and Eren was growing dark circles under his dark circles. “I mean, the one you were sketching before was great, actually. I like the wings.” 

The wings were the problem, though. 

“Okay, look, Armin, I get that you’re trying to help here,” Eren managed through his teeth, pulling on messy brown strands until it started to hurt, “But you don’t get to talk. You know why? Because you just finished your paper and you’re in post-paper bliss and you’re walking around all happy and singing in the shower and it’s pissing me off. And that shirt is too big for you.”

Armin had looked down at himself, then back up. “It’s cute?” 

“It’s cute,” Eren had reluctantly agreed, and that had been the end of that conversation.

It might not have been that terrible if he hadn’t had to work all weekend, too. Sunday morning shifts were usually his favorite because the tiny, somehow family-run restaurant he worked at served breakfast but no one in That Other College Town, USA was up to enjoy it. Not when he had other things to be doing, though, other things being what could be his big chance to prove himself being blown because he was an idiot who drank too much coffee and had issues with his ex-boyfriend slash friend slash sometimes convenient enemy. 

At least Dunkin Donuts had been packed and he’d had something to do to keep him busy.

“It’s really slow today,” Krista commented, the only one else in the place except for the manager and the cook who he knew for a fact was in the back playing Angry Birds on his phone. It was hard to be angry around Krista, especially when she gave one of those sweet smiles and offered him another cup of coffee. “I could probably convince Hannes to let you go early, if you want. You look stressed.”

Eren tried to muster up a grin, shrugging. “Nah, it’s fine. Besides, I won’t be able to get any work done at home anyway. I think Annie’s back at the apartment now and Armin’s got this big presentation tomorrow so he’s probably going to be practicing in front of the mirror. Besides, Mikasa and Annie always watch that stupid action show on Sundays and they’re loud about it.” 

Krista bit her lip, her smile twisting as she curled a strand of blonde hair around her finger. “Are those two…” She trailed off, but Eren knew exactly what she meant. 

“If you’re going to ask if they’re gay for each other, I’m pretty sure even they don’t know.” He shrugged, leaning against one of the tables that he’d just wiped down for the tenth time. “Sometimes I think they really hate each other, like, actually want to kill each other, but then I find them making out on our couch. And then there’s that thing with Reiner and Bert, so I don’t know.”

“That’s a weird thing,” Krista said. Eren hummed in agreement. When Krista’s eyes lit up, he knew they weren’t talking about his sister and her love life anymore. “Oh! You know about the beach trip, right? You’re coming?” 

Eren didn’t, his eyebrows pulling together. “Uh, no? I mean, no, I don’t know about it.” He paused, remembering something else entirely. “And it’s November?” 

Krista frowned. “Oh, wow, sorry. I thought Mikasa told you. I told Ymir to tell her.” Then she shook her head and beamed, all optimistic happiness again. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter, you have to come. Jean’s dad has that beach house down in Florida and he’s inviting everyone down there, and it’ll probably be cold but it’ll be nice anyway! I know Marco’s coming, and Ymir, obviously, and Sasha and Connie if Connie can get out of his family thing on the break! Jean’s paying for gas and everything, but I offered to help.”

Because they were both filthy rich, not that Krista ever talked about that. It wasn’t really her that was rich, anyway, but that was another story for another day when his brain could do more than process short sentences and think about how fucked he was. 

Eren realized exactly why Mikasa and Armin hadn’t told him about the beach trip when the door to the restaurant swung open, the annoying bell chiming to announce the presence of other living beings.

He actually dropped the rag he was holding when he looked up to see who had come into the place at nine thirty on a Sunday. 

His eyes fell on Erwin first, who looked nothing like someone should early on a Sunday morning, completely unruffled as always. He still looked as put together as ever as he shrugged his coat off his shoulders and hung it up, the suit he was wearing underneath sleek and black and almost identical to the one he’d been wearing the first time Eren had met him, except his tie was a bright, crimson red and looked more than a little appealing against his tanned skin. Levi looked more like he should, a grey scarf wrapped around his neck and covering most of his mouth and his eyes half-lidded, but the leather jacket and dark wash jeans he was wearing were unfairly attractive.

Eren moved forward before Krista could, grabbing for menus on his way and listening to Krista move to warn Hannes that they actually had customers. “Are you guys stalking me or something?”

Levi cocked an eyebrow, but it was Erwin who chuckled. “I think in order to stalk someone, you actually have to be aware they’re going to be where you’re headed. It also probably requires more than one chance encounter. It’s a small town.” Erwin looked him up and down, his lips quirked. “I should have pegged you as a waiter.”

“I work at the Dunkin Donuts, too, and sometimes the grocery store,” he pointed out, then shrugged, suddenly conscious of the stupid polo and slacks combo the place insisted on. He pulled on his collar. “Anyway, are you going to get a table?” 

Erwin and Levi chose the table the farthest away from the window where the sun was coming in, which probably said a lot. Erwin led Levi there with a hand on the small of his back, too, and Eren almost asked what was wrong. “He’s going to need tea,” Erwin told him, fondly amused like Eren had heard him before. “It was a rough night for him.”

Levi grunted. “Fuck off,” he mumbled, and Eren tried not to notice that his voice was hoarse with the remnants of sleep and maybe something else, but he did anyway. “There better be good tea here, brat. I can’t deal with this shit this early in the morning.”

“I think we have Earl Grey?” he offered.

Levi grunted again. He was taking that as a yes. 

Erwin smiled. “I’ll have coffee. Black, but maybe with a bit of cream.”

Levi mumbled something that was covered by the scarf he was still wrapped tightly around his neck. Then he leaned back in the booth, one arm stretched out. 

“Sure,” Eren said, ignoring how weird the entire thing felt. He found himself shifting from one foot to the other to get rid of some of the excess energy, pointedly avoiding the look Levi was giving him. 

It got weirder when Krista came out from the back.

“Professor Ackerman!” The outburst came before she seemed to realize it, and she quickly covered her mouth with both her hands, her cheeks a bright pink as she glanced at Eren and set the silverware she’d brought out on the table. “Oh, um, sorry. I was just surprised to see you. I didn’t know you lived around here…”

Levi was about as expressive as ever, shrugging one shoulder. “Levi,” he corrected, unrolling the napkin that held the silverware to inspect them and letting out a soft scoffing noise in the process. “And I don’t.”

“Wait, Ackerman? Your last name is Ackerman?” Eren looked between Levi and Krista, eyebrows raised. 

“Oh, you know Professor Levi, too?” Krista asked, her smile completely unaware. Eren almost groaned. “You must have heard from Jean.”

“Levi,” Levi corrected again, completely deadpan, but his eyes were on Eren and he was taking the lack of denial as a confirmation. “Cut out the professor shit.”

“Is there something wrong with his last name?” Erwin asked, quietly amused, but Eren saw the way his eyebrow was arched.

Everyone was looking at him. Eren shrugged, hoping to divert the attention. “I mean, no, it’s just my sister’s last name, too. Mikasa Ackerman.” He looked around the table, then over at Krista, who was still standing there. “It surprised me, that’s all.” And it might have had something to do with him still not knowing either of their full names, but them definitely knowing his. 

“Mikasa?” Levi managed to sound surprised for a moment, his eyes widening just a bit before he settled back into his seat. “Huh. What do you know.” 

Eren blinked. “Know what?”

“Mikasa Ackerman is my cousin.” 

Erwin, if he was surprised at all, didn’t show it. Eren was still frozen, but he managed a glance, looking for any signs that he’d known. Erwin’s lips were pulled up at the corners. “Is she your birth sister, Eren?”

Something told Erwin that question was asked for his benefit, and he wished it didn’t make his cheats heat up, his eyes on Krista as she watched the whole thing unfold with wide eyes. “Uh, no, she’s my…” He scratched at his cheek, pretty sure he should be used to this by now. “She’s my adopted sister. It’s a long story. Hey, Krista, can you maybe go ask Hannes if we still have that tea and make a new pot of coffee? I’ll take their order.” 

Krista nodded and smiled, polite as ever, but he saw her glancing over her shoulder as she went to the back again. 

Eren didn’t even feel bad about slipping in next to Erwin without asking. “You’re kidding, right?”

Levi stared back at him, unimpressed. “No, I just made that shit up because I thought it’d be funny.” When Eren didn’t respond, he scowled. “No, I’m not kidding, brat. Mikasa is the name of my cousin, and unless you know a shitload of Mikasa Ackermans, it’s probably the same one.” 

“It seems like we’re connected by a string of coincidences,” Erwin commented, seeming to have no real problem with scooting over to make more room for Eren on his side of the booth. He didn’t sound all that concerned about it, either. “Levi has been estranged from his family for years. If you’re wondering if I knew about Mikasa when you mentioned her, I didn’t.”

“I haven’t talked to dear old dad since I was sixteen and I don’t plan to, and I met Mikasa _once_ , when she wasn’t even old enough to wipe the drool off her chin. If it’s going to work you up into a fucking tizzy, go do it somewhere else. It’s too early.” Levi sighed and rested his chin on one of his fists, but he continued anyway. “What happened to her?” 

For a second, he swore he heard something concerned there, but he shook it off. Levi didn’t even know Mikasa. 

Eren shook his head. “Her parents died. My parents adopted her. She was, like, seven, and they said she had no other family.” He stared across the table, trying to make sense of it. “I didn’t even know she had a cousin.”

“Kid, if you’re thinking I knew about this, stop. I didn’t. If she was seven, I was, what, seventeen? Eighteen? I wouldn’t have been able to do shit.” Levi rubbed at his temples. The way Erwin was looking at him from across the table was a little concerning, too, and then he was reaching for his hand and grabbing it, and Eren could only watch. “I would have just fucked her up, trust me. I didn’t even have a place to go home to, so I sure as hell wouldn’t have been able to give her one.” 

“You didn’t have a place to go home to?” Eren repeated, his eyes wide. “When you were seventeen?”

Levi shrugged, unconcerned, and pulled his hand away from Erwin’s, that same blank look on his face. “I did when I slept on my friends’ couches.” He paused, like he was considering something. “Or when I sucked some dick.”

Eren choked on nothing. Erwin patted at his back. “We’re in a public place, Levi,” he reminded, but the mirth was all over his chiseled, smug face. Eren didn’t know what he wanted to do about it but he was caught between wanting to punch it off and something very different. 

“Like that’s ever stopped us.” 

Eren was almost positive he was going to spend a good amount of his time gaping at the two of them. Krista chose that moment to come to the table with a pot of coffee and sugar and cream, and brewed tea for Levi. She lingered, biting on her lower lip. “Um, Eren, you have this covered, right? If you don’t, I can take in the order…”

Eren nodded, though, finally tearing his eyes away from them. “Yeah, I’ve got this. Seriously, Krista, go on break or something. No one else is even in the place.”

Krista seemed to take that as the confirmation she needed, a grateful smile on her lips. “I’ll be in the back if you need me, alright?” 

She threw another curious glance before she left again. Eren didn’t blame her. 

Levi was already a few sips into his tea when he turned his attention back, and Erwin was adding cream to his coffee as Levi sneered over the rim of his cup. Eren didn’t know what the big problem with the cream was, but that wasn’t what he needed to ask. “You really didn’t know about Mikasa?” 

Levi snorted. “I really didn’t know about Mikasa,” he repeated, dryly, but Eren somehow knew he wasn’t lying. “Now that I do, I should probably at least talk to her, though. If you’re okay with that.” 

“Why would I even need to be okay with that?” Eren leaned back in the booth, still not making any move to do his actual job. He was protective of Mikasa, and he’d do anything to keep her from getting hurt, but that wasn’t something Levi knew about. “She’s your cousin.” 

“And she’s your sister. You tell me which one’s been in her life, brat, and then get back to me.” 

Eren just stared, because even though he knew that, he wasn’t expecting it to be something Levi would say so firmly. Erwin laughed softly into his coffee, and Levi shook his head, taking another sip of tea.

“The whole idea that you need blood relatives is complete bullshit. The only reason I’d even check up on her is so she knows she’s at least got someone else out there, but it’s not like she needs it. She’s got you, doesn’t she?” Eren nodded, green eyes wide again as he listened. Levi was back to leaning on his hand, his expression bored but his words contrastingly firm. “Nuclear families are probably the shittiest societal norm out there, so fuck it. As long as you’ve got someone else out there to watch you and help you along, it doesn’t matter who they are. I don’t care if it’s your father or the neighbor or some chick you fuck on Tuesdays, if you’ve got someone, you’re fine. People get it into their heads that they’re broken or incomplete or whatever if they’re missing someone they think they’re supposed to have, but that’s not how it works. You’re whole already, it’s just about finding people you can be whole _with_ , and it shouldn’t matter who the fuck that is. So if Mikasa wants her cousin around? Fine. But I’m not butting my way in because I’ve got some shared blood with her. It’s fucked up blood, anyway.”

Eren stared harder, blinking. Erwin snorted out a laugh he apparently couldn’t contain, setting down his cup with enough force for it to spill over a bit. Levi glared and Erwin put his hands up in mock surrender, an amused smile on his lips. “I’m sorry, Levi. It’s just your early morning philosophy sessions. About an hour ago you were threatening to cut off my arm if I stopped –“

“Fuck you,” Levi snapped, cutting him off. He turned his head toward Eren, a dark hair falling into his face with the jerky motion. “Point is, if you don’t want me near her or she doesn’t want me near her, whatever. Just as long as she’s got someone now.”

Erwin dabbed at the spilled coffee with a napkin. “I wouldn’t think too much about that right now, Eren. You have a lot on your mind.”

The reminder sunk in at the worst possible time, and Eren let his head sink down to the table where he promptly buried it in his arms and groaned. 

Levi scoffed. “Does that mean you haven’t done a whole lot to finish that painting?” 

When Eren raised his head, it was only a few inches so he could glare and snap his teeth like some sort of angry dog. Levi didn’t look at all intimidated. “I’ve been trying! It’s harder than it looks!” He sighed, burying his face in the crook of his arm again. “I keep drawing the same thing and I can’t stop,” he muttered into the skin of his elbow, hoping in vain that it was muffled enough for them to ignore. 

“Maybe that’s a sign, then.” Erwin’s hand was on his shoulder again, but now it was rubbing circles that Eren thought were supposed to be soothing. They were doing a little more than that, because he could feel the calluses on Erwin’s hands through the thin layer of his shirt and it was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever caught himself on. “You could stop fighting it. I don’t know much about art, but it sounds like inspiration.”

“It sounds like you’re being an idiot,” Levi added, and Eren could knew Erwin had thrown him some kind of look when he made a soft ‘tch’ noise. “I’m serious, Erwin. Why wouldn’t you paint something if your head obviously wants you to? Sounds like some Freudian shit.”

“I don’t think this has anything to do with Freud, Levi. You just wish everything did.”

Eren knew very few things about Freud. What he did know about Freud had to do with sex, and what had to do with sex was definitely something he did not want to be thinking about right now. He settled for groaning again. 

“Hey, brat.” Levi’s voice snapped up his attention again, and he peeked up at him through his arms. “Are you actually going to take our order? Because this isn’t a good way to get a tip.” 

It was dry and probably teasing (he still wasn’t entirely sure with Levi), but Eren nearly fell over himself trying to get to his feet anyway. If his manager saw him, he was so dead, and he needed this job. “Oh, shit, yeah. Do you guys know what you want?” 

One argument and a suggestion later (Erwin asked about the pancakes, and Eren was honest when he told them that it was like IHOP, maybe, if IHOP sometimes had their pancakes stick to the bottom of the pan), Eren was walking to deliver the order and then walking back, realizing he had nowhere else to be.

He only managed to wander aimlessly around the place for a minute before Erwin waved him back over. 

Erwin and Levi weren’t talking when he came out with their food, expertly balancing the tray on one hand and holding a coffee pot in the other to refill Erwin’s cup, but Erwin smiled up at him, and Levi gave him more attention than he had previously been giving his tea, which seemed like some sort of accomplishment. Erwin didn’t wait for him to stand awkwardly this time before he gestured for him to take the seat next to him, and he scooted in, carefully checking over his shoulder to make sure the manager, Hannes, or Krista weren’t watching, not like the latter would say anything about it.

This definitely wasn’t company protocol. That guy in Starbucks would be appalled. 

Erwin refilled his own coffee cup, much to Eren’s chagrin, and then the two of them were eating mostly in silence, Levi making some comment about how the eggs were undercooked, Erwin telling him not to be picky. He got lost in his own thoughts somewhere in the middle of it. 

Maybe they were right. If he really wanted to paint wings, what was the problem, anyway? It wasn’t like they’d told him they couldn’t, and if anything, they’d encouraged it. It wasn’t stealing. It was just some weird coincidence that the two guys he’d met and was now – doing something with, something he didn’t think had a name, happened to have wings tattooed on their bodies. It had been a weird coincidence from the beginning. And it didn’t mean he was thinking too much about them, or that he was letting them get to his head. They just happened to have brought on some inspiration, and if it was all he had, he had to go for it. It was better than showing up to an art show with nothing like a total loser and failing out of this class that he really needed to pass. 

Especially when it was his one chance to prove himself at the one thing he was actually pretty extraordinary at. Eren didn’t think he’d ever had that. 

“Do you want some, Eren?” 

Eren’s head shot up. “Huh?”

Erwin’s smile was patient. “I asked if you wanted some.” He gestured to his plate, which consisted of stacked pancakes and scarcely applied syrup, which wasn’t Eren’s usual. “They’re blueberry,” he said, as if Eren hadn’t been the one who’d taken the order in the first place. 

Levi was staring at him from across the table. He hadn’t eaten breakfast, and he didn’t know what else to do, so he shrugged. “I guess, if you don’t mind.” 

What he wasn’t expecting was for Erwin to cut a piece of pancake with his own fork and knife and offer it to him, his wrist bent and the smile still on his lips, the rest of his expression calm and composed as if it was something completely normal to do. 

He looked across the table, momentarily panicked, but Levi was staring back at him with those hypnotizing grey eyes, cool and straight-faced as ever, the very corner of his lips curled up into a smirk. Eren looked back to Erwin’s hand, which hadn’t lowered, and had instead gotten a bit closer to his mouth, as if in further offering. Eren’s heart pounded in his chest.

And then he leaned forward and took the bite, his teeth scraping over the fork and his tongue flicking out as he gathered up as much syrup as possible. 

The pancakes were fluffy and the syrup was just the right amount of sweet, something he hadn’t expected, but that wasn’t what had Eren’s cheek flushed as he chewed and swallowed. Erwin regarded him coolly, his smile widening as he set his for back down. 

“Good?” he asked. His voice was lower than before, huskier, and Eren wondered if he was imagining it or if it was just wishful thinking. 

“Good,” Eren agreed, the heat spreading up to his ears. 

Levi picking his cup up from the table drew Eren’s attention, but all he did was take a long, slow sip, watching Eren over the rim. “You should eat some more, brat,” he suggested. “College kids are shit at remembering to eat.” 

Eren didn’t know how he ended up being fed pancakes for however long they stayed, but he did. Erwin and Levi chatted through the whole thing like nothing was happening, asking him about his classes, telling him about the meeting Erwin had to go to later, like nothing was happening and Erwin wasn’t indirectly swapping spit with him in a way that felt weirdly intimate and churned his insides more than he’d like to admit. By the time he was coming back with their check, his legs felt a little wobbly and his head was spinning, and that was just screwed up. 

They were screwing him up.

Eren noticed that Erwin tucked the tip under the napkin container so he wouldn’t immediately know how much it was. He dropped something else on the table, too, though. 

“It’s our room key,” Levi explained for him, smirking at the look on Eren’s face, and maybe something else, because he and Erwin shared a glance that Eren didn’t pretend to understand. “You’ve got your work cut out for you this week, so if you need a quiet place, it’s there. If one of us doesn’t answer the door, let yourself in. That one’s Erwin’s, but I’ll get another one for him later.” Then he was turning toward the door. “See you later, kid.”

And they left him like that, with a key to their hotel room, the taste of syrup lingering on his tongue, and a few more hours on his shift.

There were four rolled up twenty dollar bills under the napkin container. 

 

Eren didn’t think anyone was home when he got to the apartment, which would have been nice, but he found out he was wrong when he stepped into the bedroom.

Armin was sitting cross-legged on the bed, photographs spread out all around him. It took Eren a moment to realize what he was looking at.

“Whoa, Armin, are those the photos from our trip to the beach?” Apparently he surprised his friend, who shot about five inches into the air and knocked a few of the photos in question off the bed in the process. He laughed, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Uh, sorry. I thought you heard the door open.” 

Armin smiled anyway, nodding. “No, I should have heard you. But yeah, they are, sorry, I know it’s a mess. I just thought…” He ran a hand through his hair like he always did when he was pretending whatever plan he had in mind wasn’t completely brilliant, and Eren just waited it out. “I know you’re having trouble figuring out what to paint, so I thought maybe these might help. That’s probably dumb.”

“I think it’s really smart, actually.” He wasn’t going to mention that he already knew what he was going to paint and he didn’t think it could be anything else, but he walked over to the bed anyway, climbing onto it and making sure he didn’t disrupt the spread Armin had going on. “Oh, man, this one’s my favorite.” 

Armin leaned over him to see which one he’d picked up, and he angled it so he didn’t have to strain his neck so much. Photo Armin, Eren, and Mikasa had their arms linked, Eren a darker than usual and a surfboard under his free arm, Armin’s skin looking a little pink, Mikasa’s mouth forming a rare smile. Behind them was the ocean. They’d gotten someone random on the beach to take the picture, agreeing that they all needed to be in at least one of them. 

“Yeah,” Armin said. “That one’s great.” He was grinning, and Eren bumped shoulders with him as he went back to sorting through the mess.

Eren was the one to bring it up, because he knew if he didn’t Armin would just let it eat away at him. “So, that beach trip Jean’s planning…”

Armin’s hair whipped around in a way that was almost comical, cornflower blue eyes wide and his mouth parted a bit. “You know about that? Eren, I swear I was going to tell you, and so was Mikasa. We wouldn’t have gone without you. It’s just, you know.” He paused, probably looking for a way to say ‘you and your ex-boyfriend get in fist fights a lot and no one knows what to do about it because he also dated Mikasa and you definitely liked him more than he liked you’.

Eren shrugged, grinning. “Yeah, I know. Jean.” 

Armin’s sigh of relief made him laugh and punch him in the arm, which got him a shove back. Somehow they ended up on their backs, the photographs pushed off the bed. That was how Mikasa found them when she came in.

She crawled into the bed, nudging her way in between them. Eren noticed she smelled a whole lot like sweat and didn’t have to ask where she’d been.

“Annie sucks,” she muttered, somewhere into Eren’s hair. Eren tried not to point out that she probably should take a shower.

“Sure, Mikasa. Annie sucks,” Eren agreed. “Paintings suck, too.” 

“And presentations,” Armin added. “And bills. And rent. We’re behind, by the way.” 

They all hummed in agreement. 

“You guys don’t suck,” Mikasa said after a moment.

Eren let her nuzzle into him and set his head on top of hers, not minding all that much that she was probably making him smell. “Hey, guys. Thanks for being someone I can make a whole with.” 

Armin was the one to sit up at that, his pale eyebrows raised up into his bangs. “Whoa, Eren. Have you been reading?” 

Eren rolled his eyes, grabbing the nearest pillow to lob it over. “Shut up.” 

It was something to think about, though. Levi had said they were all whole, even without other people, but maybe it was about making more wholes with more people, and creating wholes that you could live with. People always talked about other halves like they were supposed to snap together, like they were going to keep you anchored and safe and happy, but he’d never really bought into that. No romantic partner was going to make him feel better than this did, just him and Armin and Mikasa, huddled together and taking on the world. But maybe that wasn’t the point. Maybe that wasn’t even the comparison. Families were supposed to be made of wholes, little pieces that snapped into one unit, and that was what he had with Armin and Mikasa. It didn’t matter if it wasn’t what it was supposed to be. It didn’t matter if part of Eren still ached for what he’d lost, or maybe it did, and maybe that was the point. 

Maybe it was all about filling in what was missing, switching pieces out. Finding ones that snapped in together. Making wholes out of already whole, separate pieces with jagged ends that weren’t supposed to fit neatly but sometimes did anyway. 

He and Jean had obviously never snapped into place. 

But Erwin and Levi had found each other and seemed to fit together perfectly. They moved together like they were one being rather than two, talked to each other and touched each other with a familiarity that left Eren a little breathless, made his head spin every time he saw it. It wasn’t right to think he could fit into that, even a tiny bit. It wasn’t right to want it. 

It wasn’t right to _yearn_ for it. 

Eren chalked it up to being hopped up on caffeine and lacking sleep and curled into Mikasa’s side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you guys know, there is no pairing between the Shiganshina trio, romantic wise, unrequited or otherwise. Platonic trio babies are just my lifeblood and very important to me and Eren. (｡´∀｀)ﾉ


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the next chapter~! Look, we're in double digits. That's exciting. 
> 
> So this one is a little bit shorter, but I cut out some stuff in editing so that's probably why. It still makes sense to put the chapter break here, so sorry if it's disappointing! Also, a note that I am going back to school tomorrow, so updates might be a bit slow going. It's going to be a busy semester, but I definitely won't forget this project! So don't be too worried about that, there just definitely won't be updates all throughout the week like I pumped them out in the beginning.
> 
> Also, warning for a lot of past relationship talk in this chapter. If you think I've got a tiny bit of an Erejean bias, you're probably right. Nothing crazy, though, and definitely nothing current! 
> 
> Enjoy!

Eren hadn’t thought he was going to take them up on their offer. He really hadn’t. 

If he was honest with himself, he’d never worked particularly well in quiet. There was something about being in a busy, active place and drowning it all out to focus on his art that sparked his creativity, and whether that had to do with him first learning to be artistic by shutting the world out and working until his fingers ached and his stomach growled or with keeping his hands steady as Mikasa and Annie went at it in the other room (figuratively and literally, it was usually a bizarre combination of both), he didn’t know. All he knew was that a quiet place was the last thing he needed to get this done, and that he had limited time in the first place. 

And then there was the fact that every time he thought about them, he couldn’t focus on anything else. He could be halfway to putting a brush to canvas and suddenly see burning grey eyes, unyielding and insistent until all his bones had been liquefied and he couldn’t think straight. He’d shut his own eyes, block it out, and then all of a sudden there was thick, hard muscle sliding behind him, blond hair tickling at his neck, and another set of arms wrapping around him from the front, equally muscled, but leaner, bulkier, and just as fucking inescapable. 

“Good?” someone would purr into his ear.

If he had time to deal with that sort of thing (that sort of thing being his dick), it would be great. As it stood, it was just making the frustration boil up underneath his skin until it was stretched so tight he felt he was going to break out of it, or rip at it himself until it broke, and it didn’t help that he was still every bit as confused about the situation as he’d been in the beginning. 

It was Tuesday afternoon when he realized the fatal flaw in his plan of avoidance.

“Who’s that?” 

Eren’s head snapped up to match a face to the voice, and when he realized it was Annie, he relaxed. She was least likely to psychoanalyze him, and her face was as expressionless as always. He hadn’t even heard her sit down next to him on the couch. “Who’s who?” he asked, as eloquent as ever. 

“The one you’re drawing.” Annie nodded her chin towards Eren’s sketchbook, which he’d gone back to after another unsuccessful session with his brushes. It didn’t sound like it, but the way she angled her head meant she was curious. He’d learned to speak her language, probably thanks to years of learning Mikasa first. 

Eren blinked, looked down, and found himself staring at Levi, one eyebrow arched in obvious judgment of him, his thin lips pursed as he held back a smirk. He was mocking him. The lines of his collarbone were unnecessary detailed, the black shirt he’d been wearing the other day dipping just low enough, with no cravat or scarf to hide it. 

Apparently he’d noticed. 

He ripped the page out, balled it up, and threw it across the room. 

Annie turned her head, and Eren knew it was because she was hiding her reaction. “The earrings were a nice touch.” 

When he got to the hotel, took the elevator up and knocked at the door, no one answered. It went against the grain to just barge in, but they’d told him to go ahead, and if they’d given him a key, they obviously expected him to.

The place looked nothing like it had the last time he’d seen it. 

The suitcases were gone, probably shoved in the closet, but he quickly figured out why. The room had been meticulously rearranged, down to the couch and the bed, and there were things laid out that were definitely not there the last time he’d checked. There was a vacuum cleaner that didn’t belong to the hotel balanced against the wall, what looked like a hand-knit blanket thrown over the chair. Someone’s suit was hung up on the door, freshly pressed. The desk was covered in neatly stacked papers, what he recognized as Erwin’s laptop in the center. 

Beside the bed was a suspicious looking box that Eren wasn’t going to go anywhere near. 

What really interested him were the pictures, though. 

For some reason, he hadn’t thought they would be the type to have things like that. They were there, though, on the desk, on the bedside tables, where they’d eaten Chinese the last time he’d been there. There was a picture of Erwin and Levi in front of the Eiffel Tower, Levi looking decidedly unimpressed, Erwin with one of those charming, white teeth smiles. One in some place he didn’t recognize, somewhere exotic, Erwin’s arms firmly around Levi’s waist, where Levi was smiling, too. One of them on a mountain. On the beach. In an empty-looking apartment, one he realized probably belonged to the two of them. 

And then there were others. Levi behind a desk, glasses pulled up to his nose and a vicious scowl on his face. Erwin with people he didn’t recognize, shaking someone’s hand. Levi with his arms wrapped tightly around – a woman? Eren couldn’t tell, but they were hugging, as if someone had caught them right in the moment. There was a picture of that same person with the two of them on the other side of the room, the person he didn’t recognize giving the camera a thumbs up. They were dressed in scrubs. 

It was on the table that he found the ones that seemed to matter the most, though. An old, frayed picture, water-damaged, yellowed, Levi’s arms around two people. He was younger, thinner. His eye was black. 

Erwin with a baby in his arms, her tiny finger wrapped around his. A wedding photo. 

And one of them together again, shirtless, both of them facing away from the camera. Levi with the wings fresh across his back, red, irritated, and then Erwin, his wings smaller but more detailed. At first he thought they were only black, but the white bled in gradually. 

One of them looked ripped. Eren strained his eyes to see, but he couldn’t make it out.

There was a note attached to the frame. It was scribbled on the back of an envelope. 

_THANKS FOR THE WINGS._

_Levi_

Eren’s fingers had trembled as he’d sat on the floor and sketched, and he couldn’t get them to move fast enough. He didn’t know how long he stayed, but he was gone before they came back. 

He left a note on the table. 

 

The painting was finished by Wednesday morning, the product of an all-nighter, caffeine, and his racing thoughts. 

That gave him plenty of time to get it to Dr. Pixis before the opening of the gallery on Thursday night. The look he’d gotten from the old, bald man was somewhere between gleeful and mischievous and maybe proud, and he’d thought that would calm him down some, but it surprisingly only made it worse. 

And he was shit at tying ties.

He knew Mikasa was holding back a laugh as she came in to help him, but she let him straighten it out anyway. “You’ll be fine,” she told him, everything about it firm. “You know that. You make amazing art, Eren.”

“You have to say that. You’re my sister.” He grunted as she ran a hand through his hair, swatting it away. “Hey, leave it alone.”

She looked beautiful. The black dress she was wearing fit her perfectly, and even if she wore it the majority of the time whether it matched or not, the red scarf he’d given her when they were kids looked great when it was paired like that. The heels she was wearing made her just a bit taller than him, but he didn’t mind. When Armin walked out of the bathroom in a grey vest, slacks, and a light blue shirt, Eren had to grin.

“It still looks crooked,” he commented, but he was giving that bright smile that made Eren think everything was going to be okay, even if it wasn’t. “Here, let me help.” 

They all fussed over each other for a while, Eren not even bothering to ignore the warmth in his chest. 

“You guys really didn’t have to get all dressed up and come. It’s not even a big deal.” 

Mikasa glared, slapping him on the arm. “Shut up. You know everyone’s here for you, idiot. Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt are all coming to dinner after, by the way, I talked to Annie before. Sasha even made cookies without eating them all.” 

She hesitated, then, her lips parted but nothing coming out.

Eren knew her too well, so he shook his head. “I know you’re going to say something about Mom, but you don’t have to, okay? I get it. She should be here, and she’s not. But if she’s got some place to watch from, I know she is. You don’t need to tell me that.” He tried to sound nonchalant about it, but he heard the way his own voice trembled, his next breath getting caught in his throat. 

Mikasa’s arms were around him in an instant, and Armin was there, too. They stayed like that until it was time to go, Armin gently tugging them both in the direction of the door. 

The place was packed. Eren didn’t know exactly why there were a bunch of old guys in suits at a barely-decent community college in Trost, but they were there anyway, and it made his heart drop into his stomach, which was currently angrily reminding him that he hadn’t fed it anything but coffee and stale pretzel sticks in days. It didn’t matter as he walked through the exhibit, though, barely noticing the other paintings as he walked by, the sound of his heart loud and clear as it pounded into his ears and vibrated in his chest. He didn’t know exactly where he was, or where he was going to find it, he just knew that he needed to. He needed the proof.

When he turned a corner and his eyes caught on the painting at the far end, tucked to the side, everything else seemed to fall away. 

_WINGS OF FREEDOM_ , Eren Jaeger, the display box read. The wings stared at him from where he’d painted them, cracked and broken, ripped, falling to pieces, but somehow still strong, coming off the page with a raw power than had made him dizzy when he’d looked at it afterwards, the finished product nothing like what he’d thought it would be. It didn’t look like they were capable of flight, but that was the point. 

They belonged to the backs of the men he’d attached them to. 

“Hey,” someone said from behind him, “That’s a pretty cool painting. I didn’t think you could do stuff like that. The wings look kind of freaky, though. Are they supposed to look fucked up like that?” 

Eren whipped around, whatever spell he’d been in broken as he scowled at Jean from where he was standing against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest, his suit looking too good on him. His two-toned hair was gelled back in that way that made him look particularly douche-y, and Eren had the sudden urge to run his fingers through it and mess it up, which was definitely not an urge he should be having. 

He settled for being pissed that the moment had been ruined. “Why are you even here?”

Jean glared back at him, huffing. “Because I wanted to support you, asswipe,” he mumbled, his cheeks tinted pink in the way they always did when he was called out. “Mikasa told me the show was tonight, so I came.” 

Eren turned away, back to his own painting. Jean scoffed. “Aw, c’mon, are you going to be like this forever? I didn’t mean to make you spill the coffee. I’m sorry about whatever I said the other day, alright?” When Eren didn’t respond to his gruff attempt at an apology, he groaned. “Don’t be a dick, Eren. You want me to say it? Fine. You were right. I don’t have what you have. Not all of us can have this crazy passion that we’re willing to sacrifice a bunch of shit for, and not all of us have people who would support us through that. If I told my dad I wanted to do art for a living, I’m pretty sure he’d cut off my balls. After he disowned me.” 

That much was true, anyway. Jean’s dad was the perfect stoic, traditional asshole to his mother’s overbearing, doting mother. 

“But alright, maybe I’m a little jealous.” When Eren spun around, eyebrows raised, Jean was looking the other way, clearly uncomfortable with the entire situation, shifting from one foot to the other as the red from his cheeks spread up to his ears. “I don’t get it. I don’t see what the point is. But you do, you know? You know exactly what the fuck you’re doing, and not all of us have that, so you should be – I don’t know, grateful or whatever. All I’ve got going from me in the future is a cushiony job and a nice apartment, and you know it, so you can stop fucking saying it. My dad’s a lawyer, I’m going to work my ass off and be a lawyer, I’ll retire early and move to the west coast or Florida or wherever and that’ll be that. That’s what I want. But you’ve got more than that, so good for you. You do that. I mean, you’ll probably be broke and starving for most of your life, and your head will always be huge ‘cause it’s got all that stuck up divine purpose shit stuck in it…”

Eren glared. Jean put his hands up, smirking in that disarming way that had once made Eren’s heart ache. Maybe it still did, just a little.

“But I want to watch you be broke and starving.” He paused, running a hand through his own hair as Eren stared at him, obviously realizing how messed up that sounded. He stuttered out a laugh, and Eren found himself echoing it, until they were both leaning towards each other, two stupid kids in stuffy suits that neither of them really fit into, laughing because they were young and reckless and liked falling into each other instead of apart, with both fists and lips. “Okay, not like that. I just mean I want to be there with you through it, and I’m sorry if I acted like an asshole.” 

“You’re always an asshole,” Eren pointed out. 

Jean shrugged. “Does this mean we’re good?” 

Part of him wanted to say yes, but that was just asking for trouble. Jean was going to say something that got him going again, something that made his fists clench and his stomach drop, and they were going to go back to the start. He was always going to be reminded of finding the two of them on the couch of his old house, Mikasa’s legs wrapped around his waist, her skirt hiked up and her head thrown back. He was always going to remember seeing her shocked expression and not being able to blame her one bit, because it was Jean’s fault, Jean and his dumb secrets, Jean and being too much of a coward to come out.

And maybe him, a little, too, because he hadn’t wanted to either. Because he’d seen the boat rocked too many times, and he hadn’t wanted to be the one to do it. Because putting a name to something meant it was real, and if it was real then it was something he could lose, not something dumb and against his better judgment, something born from a fat lip and a detention slip. 

It didn’t matter now. He shrugged, fighting down the bitter taste in his mouth. “Who put you up to this, anyway? Marco?” 

Jean rolled his eyes. “I put myself up to it.” When he paused, Eren knew he’d caught him. “And maybe Marco, just a little.” 

Eren didn’t know how he was smiling, but he was, the corners of his lips pulled up. It made his face hurt, but it wasn’t fake, and that was the part that bothered him the most. “He’s good for you,” he said.

“I know.”

Eren didn’t know who he was looking at, but it didn’t look like Jean Kirschtein. Not with the dopey grin on his lips and the stars in his eyes, not with the open way he held himself, the blush on his cheeks. He had something now that Eren couldn’t touch, something new, something explosive. Something good for him.

Something he’d never been able to coax out of him, even when they were between the sheet of his single bed and trying to keep it down so Mikasa and his dad didn’t hear. He was a whole person, not the jagged edges Eren had gripped tight to, sharpening with every move he made as they collided into each other, again and again, just shaving more bits off as they pretended to fit into each other. 

It was just another reminder. 

“I’ve gotta go find Mikasa and Armin,” he rasped, not recognizing his own voice. 

Jean nodded. “I’ll be there for dinner, if that’s cool. Titan’s, right?”

Eren nodded, not even bothering to tell him he wasn’t invited. He’d just show up anyway, Marco in tow, and Eren didn’t have the malice right then for it anyway, probably never had. 

He didn’t find Mikasa and Armin before he was tapped on the shoulder.

He was the last person he wanted to see. He looked entirely too good, too, in an expensive suit, the cravat Eren was used to him wearing swapped out with a red tie. Eren didn’t even have time to notice too much about that, though, because Levi’s eyes caught his.

They were hypnotizing. His face gave nothing away, entirely too composed, but his eyes were burning. Eren felt like someone had set him on fire.

“I saw your painting,” he said, simply, the words smooth, but Eren heard whatever was behind it. The shiver that ran up his spine assured him of that.

Eren grabbed onto the last bit of sanity he had. “Did you get my note?” 

Levi’s mouth twitched, but he didn’t visibly react beyond that. “What are you doing after this?” he asked, instead of answering. 

Eren wanted to scan the room for Mikasa or Armin, find a way out of this fast. He could go to their side, make the excuse that he was busy, and that would be that. They’d promised him that he could get out any time he wanted, and he knew they weren’t lying about it. If he didn’t want whatever it was they did, he didn’t have to put up with it. 

He was the one with the key, not them. He’d never had to go in.

“Out to dinner with friends,” he said instead of any of that, his throat dry. 

“And after?” 

Eren took in a breath, and let it out slowly. “Nothing.” 

Eren’s heart stopped, because Levi wasn’t smirking. His lips were pulled up, but not the way he was used to. It took him a moment to realize it was the tiny smile he’d seen in one of the pictures, except this time it was directed at him. “Good. Still have your key?”

He nodded. Levi’s hand ghosted a touch to his waist before he disappeared, worming his way into the crowd of suits and art professors and students. Eren watched him go, and knew part of him had followed, because Armin and Mikasa had to call for his attention two times each before he gave it to them.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, okay. Yeah, this one took a long while to get out there, and I am so so so sorry for that, you guys. When I said I was going back to school and things might get busy so updates might slow down, I wasn't anticipating exactly how busy things were going to get. It's been absolutely crazy and hectic and all over the place, but I promise I haven't abandoned this project! It's still very much important to me, and I'm going to see it through to the end. So hang in for the ride, okay?
> 
> Anyway, I hope it ends up being worth the wait. I've been going through a lot of shit lately, so I can't promise my writing isn't following that trend, but I honestly hope you guys can forgive me for the long wait and get back into this! Thank you so much for all your encouraging words, all the kudos and bookmarks and everything else. You really made me want to come back to this and you're the reason I didn't give it up completely! I hope you enjoy. <3

It was Armin who dragged him away from the table halfway through dinner. Mikasa probably would have noticed Eren’s head was somewhere else before him if she hadn’t been caught up in Annie, who was draped over Reiner’s lap and leaning into Bertholdt in a way that she clearly didn’t like. Eren still didn’t know exactly how that worked or why it kept happening, but every time it did Mikasa went quiet, the kind of quiet that meant she was enraged and hurting at the same time. Her lips were pursed and her carefully styled hair was bobbing around her shoulders in a static black mess, disarrayed in a way she didn’t allow herself to be. Jean was watching her instead of him. The entire table was charged with a weird energy. When Mikasa shifted her body toward Sasha, who offered one of her stuffed mushrooms, Eren knew the apartment was going to be a mess later. 

He’d thought it meant he would get away with being distant, but then Armin was dragging him outside into the chilled night air by the wrist, his nose wrinkled in confusion and concern. Eren stuck his hands in his pockets when they were standing outside the flashing neon of Titan’s, his eyes on the sidewalk as he waited.

“Eren,” Armin started, his breath an exasperated sigh. “You’ve got to help me out. I know something’s wrong, but I have no idea what it is. That painting tonight – that was amazing. Really. You should have seen the way people were looking at it. Mikasa and I heard some professors mention that it was some of the best student work at the show. Aren’t you proud?” When Eren looked up, Armin had his arms crossed over his chest. “If you’re not, you’re wrong. This is what you’ve been fighting for. You’re finally getting recognized.” 

Eren ran a hand through his hair, managing a slow grin. “Yeah, it’s great. I know it is. Nothing’s wrong, Armin.” He paused, wrapping his arms around his own shoulders. “Hey, can we go back inside? It’s freezing out here and suits suck at keeping out the cold.” 

He could feel Armin’s eyes on him when he turned his attention back to the blinking sign, the large pot-bellied figure that was the pub’s mascot staring at him from its place beside it. He shifted from one foot to the other, kicking at a stone. 

“What do those wings mean to you?”

Eren’s heart jumped in his chest, and his eyes snapped to look back at Armin, whose lips were pulled up into a small, amused smile. He shook his head. “Eren, I’m not stupid. I’ve been thinking about what’s got you worked up all night, and there’s nothing else that makes sense. There’s something about that painting that’s different for you, and it was weird for you to have other people see it. It took you forever to paint it in the first place, and I saw your earlier sketches. They’ve all got wings. So what’s it about the wings that’s different? What do they mean to you?” He hesitated. “I know you’ve been secretive lately, and whatever it is you’re keeping from us, I’m not going to pull it out from you until you’re ready. But you at least owe me this.”

Eren ran a hand through his hair, groaning. “How did you even figure that out? You’re like a mind reader.” 

Armin’s smile twitched. “No, I just know you. Stop stalling.” 

The stone he’d kicked had fallen into the road. Eren kicked at the sidewalk even though there wasn’t anything else to dislodge. “I don’t know,” he breathed.

Blond eyebrows were raised when he looked up. “You don’t know?” 

Eren nodded, wrapping his arms around himself again and turning toward the pub, peeking into the window where he could see everyone still sitting at the table. Mikasa wasn’t there anymore, and his best guess was that she’d gone off to the bathroom. Annie was swaddled in Reiner’s muscled arms, Bertholdt was playing with her hair. Jean looked decidedly uncomfortable across from Sasha and Connie, who were currently shoving food in each other’s faces. He caught Eren’s eyes in the window and raised his eyebrow, and Eren had to look away. “Yeah, I don’t know,” he repeated. “But I’m going to find out.” 

Armin was silent and Eren almost wondered if he’d given up on getting anything out of him, but then he hummed. “This has something to do with whoever you’re not telling me about, doesn’t it?” When Eren blinked, Armin laughed. “You’re kind of obvious with this sort of stuff. Whatever it is that’s on your mind, it’s got to do with them. So the wings do too, don’t they?”

“Yeah.” When he glanced back to the window, Jean was getting up from his seat. Eren’s heart pounded in his chest, but he went for the bathrooms instead. “It does, alright? But I don’t know what it means yet. I just know I need to figure it out.” 

“So you’re confused and frustrated and probably a little angry because you don’t know what’s going on,” Armin concluded. “No different from usual.” The beaming, innocent smile on his lips was ruined by the glint in his eyes, the way the blue flickered in the moonlight and flashed some of the pink from the neon. 

Eren punched him in the arm, bumped him with his shoulder, and steered him towards the front entrance again. Armin leaned up to whisper to him.

“Whatever it means, it’s important to you. Don’t be stupid and convince yourself it’s not.” 

Mikasa was waiting for them when they got back, hovering over their seats and wrapping them up in her arms. There were black lines under her eyes, mascara tracks, but Eren didn’t say anything. 

 

Eren realized too late that having the key to the room didn’t necessarily mean he shouldn’t knock, especially when he was later than he intended to be. 

His breath came out stuttered, a low and whispered, “Oh.” The door was closed behind him, the key card still raised in his hand, held up like a makeshift shield. 

Erwin and Levi were on the bed. Levi’s body was trapped under Erwin’s, his hips raised up and grinding in slow, teasing circles as one of Erwin’s big hand rubbed up and down his arm, the other tangled in dark locks. They were gasping into each other’s mouths, kissing with tongue and lips and teeth, and if they noticed the door had opened and stepped inside, they didn’t act it. Levi tore away from the kiss to bite viciously at Erwin’s neck, snapping his teeth and sucking, Erwin letting out a low, rasped groan in response. They rolled over until Levi was on top, his hips still rolling, his mouth pulled up into a sultry, dark smirk. Erwin’s breath hitched, but he was smiling, too, his hands around Levi’s waist to hold him steady in his lap. 

Eren shifted in place, his body vibrating as a shiver ran up his spine. 

“Don’t close your eyes, kid.” The words were a snapped order, but breathless, and Eren’s eyes snapped open to find Levi, his grey eyes half-lidded but insistent in the dim lighting of the room. “How rude can you be, not watching the show we’re putting on for you?” 

Eren’s breath hitched. His heart pounded in his ears, fell to his stomach. His mouth opened, but nothing came out.

Erwin chuckled, gently prodding Levi off of him to sit upright on the bed, as if nothing had happened. He patted the space next to him. “Come sit down, Eren. We want to talk to you.” 

The heat in those words and in those bright blue eyes churned Eren’s gut, but he did as he was told, his legs moving as if he didn’t have any control over them. Levi had crossed his legs over the side of the bed, wearing the slacks from earlier, the jacket shed and the dress shirt he was wearing wrinkled and unbuttoned, showing off the sparse hairs and toned muscles of his chest. When Levi caught him staring, his lips pulled up into a knowing smirk, and he nudged Eren in between him and Eren.

Erwin rolled up the cuffs of his sleeves as the bed shifted with Eren’s weight, that calm smile on his lips as he rested his body back on his elbows, the picture of ease and control. “I saw pictures of your painting, Eren. Levi was more than a little impressed.”

Levi snorted, but hummed in agreement. One of his hands slipped close to Eren’s knee, and Eren did everything it took not to squirm from just that casual touch. “It was fucking gorgeous,” he admitted, his deep voice throaty. Eren pretended it didn’t give him goose bumps, but they rose up on his arms anyway, making him shiver. 

He closed his eyes, trying to make sense of it. He was in between Levi and Erwin. Literally, on the bed with them. He’d walked in on them making out, and if Levi’s shirt was any indication, they hadn’t planned to stop anytime soon. Eren took a deep breath, and when he let it out, it was the firmest sigh he could manage, one hand clamped in his own hair. 

“Look, could you two not play with me for once?” Neither of them visibly reacted, and he scowled. “You’ve been doing this for a while. I never know what you actually want, even when you tell me the truth. And when I do know, it doesn’t make any sense. Could you just tell me, straight up, without any riddles?” The irritation filtered in even when he didn’t want it to, but he let it, because it stopped him from thinking about how his skin was on fire, aching for the touch he shouldn’t want.

Levi was the one to laugh this time, and the strangled way the usually smooth noise came out made it sound surprised, though it didn’t show on his face. He rose a thin eyebrow, gripping at Eren’s knee and squeezing. Eren pretended he didn’t shudder, his gaze firm, but Levi’s eyes were on Erwin. “The brat’s really got some bite. He doesn’t want to play your game anymore, Erwin.” 

Eren’s scowl deepened. “And maybe you could stop talking about me like I’m not here, too,” he sighed. “I’m not some kid you can string around.” 

The heat bubbling in his stomach wasn’t quelled by Erwin’s patient smile, but the glint of white teeth and the sight of the swollen, chapped look his laps had almost made him want to push it all the way down. “Believe it or not, Eren, we brought you here tonight to talk.”

Levi nodded, his hand removed from Eren’s knee as he settled himself farther back on the bed, the smirk gone from his lips. “Nothing’s going to happen tonight, no matter whatany of us decide, and it’s all entirely in your hands. If you decide you want to get out right the fuck now, you’re free to go. You’re not chained to the bed, Eren.”

Levi hardly ever used his name. The fact that he did made Eren blink, the irritation gurgling until it became confusion. He was always in a state of whiplash around the two of them. “What do you mean, nothing’s going to happen?” 

Erwin laughed again, thick and amused. He glanced over at Levi, who rolled his eyes and waved his hand in some sort of ‘go ahead’ gesture, his grey eyes raised to the ceiling in apparent exasperation. 

Erwin smirked, nodding. “Remember what I told you a while ago, Eren? About how we’re very much attracted to you?” 

Eren’s stomach collapsed in on itself. He forgot how to breathe. Erwin chuckled again, patting at his knee, and Levi smirked and reached for the other one, rubbing those slow, near sensual circles. “Now you’ve got it, kid,” he whispered, his breath ghosting near Eren’s ear, suddenly closer than he remembered him being. 

“Levi and I discussed this earlier, and we’ve come up with some conditions if we want to pursue this particular part of our arrangement.” Eren sat up straighter, something dropping inside of him at the term. Arrangement, like this was some sort of business transaction. He licked his lips, but nodding, trying to keep the disappointment off his face. “The first being that, regardless of how well this works out, we’d still like you to paint us while we’re in town. If you can’t do that for any reason, and you’re well within your right to change your mind, we’ll still spread the word about your art. You’re not being compensated to sleep with us in any way, and sleeping with us won’t get you any farther.” 

“You’re not a whore,” Levi added, nodding, and Eren almost choked, his eyes wide. “So if you think any of this shit’s necessary, it’s not. You can bolt now if that’s what you’re stuck on.”

Eren didn’t bolt. Erwin nodded and continued. “The second, as difficult as it may be,” his eyes found Levi’s as he said it, and they shared a look, “Is that this must stay completely confidential. Anything sexual in nature will only happen in this room, and anything outside of it won’t be. You won’t talk about anything that happens in here, and you definitely won’t name names. We’ll give you the same privacy.” 

Except he didn’t need it. It left a bitter taste in Eren’s mouth. “So basically you’re ashamed you want to sleep with me, so you’re going to make me keep it hush-hush if we do? What do I even get out of that?” 

Levi shook his head. “Eren, how old are you?” 

Eren balked, his eyebrows furrowed. “I’m nineteen. I told you that. You don’t remember?”

Levi didn’t visibly react, only nodded as if it was exactly the answer he’d expected. “Right. You’re nineteen. So how much of your life do you have ahead of you?”

Eren blinked. “A lot, I guess.”

“And how much of that life do you want to be known as the kid who slept with the CEO and vice president of that one big insurance company and caused a big ass scandal?”

Eren got it then. Erwin made a noise of agreement. Levi smirked, his gaze on Erwin. “If it makes you feel any better, Mr. CEO over there isn’t even out of the closet.” 

Eren’s eyes widened. “What? Are you kidding?”

Erwin ran a hand through his hair, sighing. “It’s a difficult situation, Eren.” He scowled in Levi’s direction. “Levi knows that.”

“But you want to marry him,” Eren pointed out, the space between his eyebrows bunched together as he gaped. “How does that even _work_?”

Levi burst into laughter, and Erwin sighed, rolling his eyes up to the ceiling. When Levi calmed down enough to say something, he patted his hand against Eren’s knee, his smirk twistedly amused. “I told you I liked this one, Erwin. Let’s definitely keep him.”

“If he wants to be kept,” Erwin acknowledged, exasperated but fond, and moved his hand to Eren’s back, sending a shiver up his spine. “I’ll rephrase. It’s a _very_ complicated situation.”

“It’s also fucked up,” Levi piped in. “Ten different levels of fucked up. That’s a discussion for another night, when we’ve got enough booze.” 

Eren didn’t think he was ever going to fully understand. He opened his mouth, but it fell closed again, and he settled for biting on the inside of his cheek, running everything through his head. Erwin was the one to fill the silence again. “The only other condition that’s particularly important right now is the fact that this will always be safe. We’ll use condoms every time, but we’d like for you to get tested before we continue.”

Eren’s mouth dropped open. When he managed to snap it closed again, his words were incredulous and forced. “You’re kidding. You’re going to make me get tested?”

Levi’s lips pursed. “You bet your sweet ass we are.” He glared, and Eren tried not to be intimidated. “We’ll give you our results too, brat, so it’s a two way street. But if I don’t know it’s clean, I don’t want your junk anywhere near me. That’s disgusting.”

Eren tried not to think too hard about his junk being close to Levi at all, and sucked in a breath. “So we’re trading STD test results. Great. That’s sexy.” 

Erwin smirked, and one of his long, thick fingers ran the length of Eren’s spine until he shivered. “I wouldn’t take it as an indicator of what the rest of our sexual relationship will be like. We have a lot to discuss if this ends up being something you want, and not all of those things are quite as… Clinical.” 

Levi sighed, jabbing Erwin’s leg with his foot. “Don’t get the kid excited. We’re not doing anything tonight, Erwin.” 

Eren still felt like he was steps behind. “So you brought me here to tell me that you want to have sex with me, but you’re not actually going to have sex with me? Why did this even come up?”

Levi shifted on the bed, and when Eren turned his head to look, his face was turned away, his pale cheeks slightly flushed. Erwin was grinning when he checked. “Levi was more than a bit impressed with your painting, Eren,” Erwin answered. “And when I saw it, I knew it, too. Neither of us are interested in meaningless, thoughtless sex anymore. We’ve been together a long time, we’ve experimented, and we know what we like. We could tell we were attracted to you from the beginning – I picked you out specifically for that reason, if you want me to be honest – but this part couldn’t come until now.”

“There’s not a whole lot that excites us anymore, kid,” Levi sighed, and he’d slumped back, his eyes on the ceiling. Eren watched the way he idly played with his hair. “Take that to mean what you want it to. The point is, we’re interested.” 

“For what?” Eren couldn’t help but ask the question he’d been thinking this whole time. “I mean, you guys are just going to run off in a couple months anyway, right? So what’s the point?” 

Erwin let out a low, thoughtful breath. “Eren, can you think of something that made you feel alive, but eventually ended?”

Eren swallowed. Closed his eyes. Shifted on the bed, practically on Levi’s lap. The other man gripped at his arm and squeezed. “Yeah.”

“Did it make it any less worth it?” 

Eren’s eyes opened. He looked straight ahead, but he knew his eyes were on both of them. “No.”

“We forgot.” It was Levi’s voice, and Eren could feel his eyes burning into the side of his head, watching his every move. He spoke in that usual deadpan, but there was something stuck there, something aching. “We forgot what it’s like to be really alive, kid. I used to think it was shooting cocaine up into my veins, Erwin used to think it was having that white picket fence life, and then we thought it was each other. But maybe that’s not how that shit works. Either way, you make us…”

Levi trailed off, but where he did, Erwin picked right back up. “You make us feeling something, Eren, and it’s not something to scoff at. We’d like your help, if you’d give it to us.” 

Eren didn’t see how it was fair. They knew exactly what they were getting from this, and when it was over, they still had each other. They would move on, they would do exactly what they always did. They would find some other kid in some other town, some other kid with bright eyes and artistic abilities, some kid they could take under their wing and show the ropes. His heart would pound in his chest, too, his words would get caught in his throat, his head would spin with everything they did to him, and eventually, the names would blur. Eren was a different kind of a drug, a special kind of picket fence. 

And he didn’t know if he minded. He swallowed hard.

Erwin nodded as if he could read his thoughts, rubbing at Eren’s shoulder. “You have a lot to think about, Eren. You’re not going to decide anything tonight.”

Levi sat back and sprawled across the bed. “Work it out in your head, kid, but don’t overthink it. It doesn’t make any fucking sense, and maybe that’s what’s good about it.”


End file.
